The Fury and the Sound
by thesixthcourier
Summary: A Solavellan fic based mainly on their relationship, assuming you've beaten the game, the main story of the game is rushed through, to focus on their relationship. If you haven't beaten the game - spoilers abound. Rated M for sexual scenes.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

The first time he grabbed her by the wrist and closed the Fade rift, she was hooked. She would stare into his blue-gray eyes and ask him questions about the Fade that she never thought that she – a rogue – would be interested in. Anything to keep him talking. Anything to keep his attention on her. Varric didn't take the interruptions too lightly the first few times. He knew she didn't really know anything about the Fade, or probably care much for that matter. But after a while, it was a joke between him, Bull, and Cassandra. They would ask each other strange questions about the Fade in mocking tones. Eventually, Cullen and Josephine caught on, too. They weren't making it obvious, but it was _really_ obvious.

After the kiss in the Fade, they didn't really hide their intimacy. They were seen together everywhere – she was constantly asking him to go on missions with her, and he wouldn't miss it for the world. She often let herself get too angry, too quickly, and he was the voice of reason when needed. Most of the time, they didn't even need to speak to convey plans or messages during battles. He had never felt so comfortable with someone in his life. There wasn't a single person who could just _feel _what he was feeling, no questions asked. He never thought he'd be accepted, even amongst one of his own kind. She changed that, and for that, he was very glad.

"Do you think they've…you know?" A woman asked in the main hall on the way to her throne.

"Oh, you! Inquisitor Elliana's business with the elf is her own."

_The elf._ They acknowledged Solas as an elf, but not her. She rolled her eyes and sat down, listening to how a man threw a goat at Skyhold. He said Ellie had killed his son, who wrongfully attacked her. Their beef was with Tevinter. Not her. So, she exiled him and his kin to Tevinter with any weapons that they could carry. He appreciated the gesture.

"I think that you did the right thing," Solas said. She agreed. He didn't deserve death – all he did was throw a goat. He sipped at his tea and scrunched up his nose.

"You don't like your tea?" She asked, her voice gentle and soft.

His features softened, "No, vhenan, I do not like tea. I detest the stuff, actually."

She frowned – her first clan taught her to make tea, mostly because any sort of boiled leaf was tea and she boiled _a lot _of leaves in the wilderness. Tea was about the only thing she would drink. "How did you make it?"

"I just boiled the leaves."

"You didn't add sugar or milk?"

"No, my heart, I did not."

"You might like it better."

"I am not sure that I would."

"Come on, try mine. It has lots of milk and sugar."

"I…Fine. I will try it," He took a small, apprehensive sip as Ellie stared at him, not so patiently. Then, he took a much bigger sip and handed her the mug back. "It is actually not as bad as I thought."

"See! I told you! There are a bunch of different ways to drink tea, you just gotta –" He grabbed her mug out of her hands and continued drinking it. He could barely see her shocked face over his drink.

"It is actually very good this way."

"Aww, you drank my tea, you meanie."

"Come," He spread his arms and invited her into them. She sat on his lap, curled in a ball with her head against his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heart, and feeling the calm of his chest rise and fall with each breath. He tucked her long, orange-red hair behind her ear, and moved his hand under her chin. Her hair was much longer than he originally thought – she used to wear it in several braids that she tied together before he convinced her to let it down. It was long and spring-curled. It made her pale, olive-toned skin seem so much paler.

He kissed her, softly at first, but it got deeper, harder. Rushed. Like he was afraid she would disappear if he didn't wrap his hands in her hair and hold her as close as he could. His heart beat picked up pace, and she could hear it against his chest as he carried her towards the bed. They had always gotten this far, but never any further. He would turn away, close his eyes, rubs his temples. And then he'd ask for space. He said several times that he didn't want to hurt her – that she didn't know what she was getting into and he would end up hurting her, and he couldn't do that to her. No matter how much she said she understood, he noticed her lower lip pouting when she sulked back to her room.

But tonight was different. He was ready, he told himself. He would. And no more hiding the truth. She would understand – right?

Her hands were cold as she pulled his shirt over his head and traced over his muscles lightly with her fingertips as she lay underneath his weight, comforted by the scent of him. His body shivered in pleasure more and more as she kept moving lower. And then she stopped.

"If you're uncomfortable, we don't have to."

A pained expression crossed his face briefly, but still long enough for her to see it. Ellie took that as her queue to stop, and as she was moving out from underneath him, he grabbed her hands and held them above her head, nipping at the base of her neck. He pulled her shirt up, far enough to see her bare chest. He followed down, kissing every bit of exposed skin that he could. Every bit of her that he could taste, that he would remember forever. He didn't stop as he removed her pants in one quick motion, continuing downwards until he stopped, right between her legs. He paused and closed his eyes, holding his breath.

"We don't have to," She said again quietly, "we can –" She cut herself off with a moan, immediately grabbing onto his shoulder, twisting her other hand into the sheets. "Oh, Maker," She whimpered quietly, as he lightly flicked his tongue around the most sensitive area. He was enjoying it a lot more than he thought he would. After a few minutes, she was begging him; _"just fuck me already."_ He had to admit, he rather liked when she begged.

With her pinned under his weight, her cheeks reddened and her hair messy, he felt…content. He hadn't felt a feeling like it in so many years, that no matter how long it lasted, it would be over too soon. It was a good thing they decided to meet in _her_ room that afternoon – his room offered no peace, with the entire upstairs being able to look down the railing at him. She smiled, kissing his chin, "Ma'arlath, emma lath."

He could feel his insides melting, the hard exterior he built – spent centuries walling around himself – melted. This tiny little elf with bright red, spring-curled hair, and too-long ears, and soft, cold hands, who always smelled like vanilla and flowers, even in the heat of battle…she did this to him. And he _liked it_. He could feel the beast inside quell. It was calm, and so was he. Even _it_ liked her. His release left him so drained that he barely rolled off of Ellie before falling asleep

Of course, with Solas in the Fade, her dreams were far from boring. And she didn't have to worry about missing him. They explored ancient elven ruins, and he taught her about the things her clan did not. They sat on a rock and watched the fish swimming in a small pond in the forest while they talked about the battle with Corypheus and where they would go after that, what they thought would happen.

But she woke up alone. There was a note on her end table that read, _All new, faded for her._ He was gone, presumably back to his own room. She found him there, angrily pounding on his desk.

"I need a favor," He said before he even turned around to see that it was her.

"Anything, love."

"My friend was summoned by mages. They're torturing her."

"Your friend?"

"Yes. It is a spirit of wisdom, but they have summoned it for something far worse and I fear it is corrupted now. We need to help it. It is torturing my friend."

"Let's go help her out."

"Thank you so much," He planted a kiss on her forehead.

Solas, Inquisitor Elliana, Bull, and Dorian reached the exalted plains in no time. Solas started leading them towards where his friend was when Dorian spoke up.

"Ellie."

"Yes?"

"Are you an Andrastian?"

"No."

"Hm. Alright, then what do you believe?"

"I'm not sure," She shrugged, "My clan taught us all sorts of Elven gods and goddesses. Elgar'nan is the god of fatherhood and vengeance. Mythal is a protector. She's the goddess of motherhood and justice. Do I believe that they both come down when elves give birth? No."

"Don't you always say…something when you kill an enemy? Sounds elven."

"I've talked of both Fen'Harel and Falon'Din."

"And what of them?"

"Fen'Harel is the Dread Wolf. His story says that he created a truce between the Creators and the Forgotten Ones, and tricked them – sealing them away forever. I once travelled with a clan who's First called 'Dread Wolf take you' when defeating an enemy. Falon'Din is the guide of the dead."

"Oh, that's funny. Because all of Skyhold heard your calls to the Maker last night."

Iron Bull snorted, "Good job, buddy. We were all betting when it would happen," He clapped a hand to Solas's shoulder, "Varric owes me some money."

"I am glad that you had your fun with it," Solas was upset, but he was more upset about his friend at the moment. Being with Ellie wasn't something he was ashamed of – he was ashamed that they had turned it – and her – into a big joke.

"There she is," Solas pointed ahead at a large demon surrounded by ice pillars, "She is bound. We must take out the pillars to destroy the summoning," He said as a group of mages tried to explain to him how summoning a spirit worked. He ignored them the best he could – his friend needed saving as soon as possible.

"I know how this looks to someone who doesn't study summoning spirits – " Ellie punched the mage right in the nose before dusting off her clothes.

"Okay. So, I need you to keep us alive. Bull and I will charge in from the front. Dorian, stay as far back as you can and attack the pillar that we're on."

"Please, do not do anything to get hurt. I'll try to keep her distracted," He kissed her forehead before she activated her stealth and ran in front of the demon, attacking the nearest pillar.

After the ice pillars went down, the demon fell to the ground, slowly taking the shape of a young woman. Solas talked to her in Elven and after a minute, he hung his head and his expression turned dark. He held out his hands, and she began disintegrating, flying off in the wind piece by piece.

"You killed my friend!" He bellowed at the mages, his eyes searching theirs for an answer. When there was none, he charged at them, exploding the group into flames. Ellie didn't bother to stop him. "I…I will meet you back at Skyhold, vhenan. I must tend to some other matters right now," He didn't meet her gaze.

She wrapped her arms around him, "Okay. Just be careful. And…come home soon."

_Home. _He liked that.

When Ellie, Dorian, and Bull returned to Skyhold, they each departed to their own rooms for the day, and on her way to her room, Varric called her over to a table by a fireplace. She had a seat, looking at him expectantly – and she expected it was something to do with her and Solas, since that seemed to be a common topic of interest among everyone that day.

"Your Inquisitorialness," He greeted, cheerfully enough.

"Hey, Varric."

He pulled out a chair and stood beside it for a moment, a dark expression crawling across his face, "Hey, Little Red. I don't really know how to say this, so I'm going to apologize in advance if anything comes out…wrong."

"You're a writer," She laughed, "Don't you know how to word everything?"

"No. That's a common misconception," He smiled, "But, really. If I were you…I don't know if I would trust Chuckles all that much."

She knitted her eyebrows together, "Why not?"

"Well…you remember how I told you about my friend, Hawke? Marian was her first name."

"Yeah, I remember."

"And remember the guy who blew up the Chantry in Kirkwall?"

"Yeah…"

"His name was Anders, and he was a mage. Do you know what you and Marian have in common? You both fell for mages, and they both give me the same strange…vibe. Chuckles is nice and all, but so was Anders. Before he went nuts and blew up the Chantry."

"But…Solas isn't like – "

"I know. He isn't like that. Anders let a spirit named Justice take over his body. And that worries me with Chuckles always talking about the Fade and friendly spirits and such. I'm just worried about you, that's all."

"Thank you, Varric. I'm going to retire to my room for the evening."

"Hey, if you don't mind me asking…where is the party in question right now?"

"Solas? He had some things to take care of."

Varric looked surprised, "And he didn't take you? I haven't seen you two apart since we've come to Skyhold."

"Weird, right?" She pushed in her chair, "I'll talk to you later, Varric."

That night, the left side of her bed was empty for the first time in weeks. It was so strange and large, being able to spread out. She wondered if Solas could manipulate the Fade for her from wherever he was. Or even if she could do it on her own, with her anchor. But the Fade was dangerous and she had no experience to warp it on her own. The apprehension of Solas returning in the middle of the night was keeping her awake though.

When she finally fell asleep, all she could dream about was darkness. There was nothing else except darkness and a pair of glowing red…circles. She was almost certain they were eyes…maybe an animal's? They stared at her all night until she finally woke up, never wavering or blinking, never leaving her sight. They just stared on. It was almost like they saw through her. It made her feel cold, but…comfortable, somehow. Like she was familiar with the eyes of the animal.

Still no Solas in the morning. No Solas when her, Bull, Dorian, and Varric ventured out into the Hinterlands to deliver some provisions to their camps out there and make sure the soldiers were alright. No Solas when she returned and went to sleep. Maybe she could invoke him through the Fade? Was that a thing? Sometimes she wished she was a mage so she knew these things better. Without Solas there to ask, there wasn't really anyone who could answer her. Dorian admitted he never tried to invoke anything through the Fade and he wasn't really prepared to do so himself – let alone teach her when she didn't inherently have the ability to dream as mages did.

In her dream, she tried to call out Solas's name – but whether she was just dreaming or physically in the Fade was a completely different issue and she didn't really know how to tell the difference. She didn't think in depth about the Fade before that moment because she never had to. Demons and spirits couldn't corrupt her as they could mages. She crawled over a mossy rock and into a patch of woods. Wolves howled, signaling the setting sun, and like the night before, it was pitch black. The eyes were back. This time, she tried to walk towards them, but she never got any closer. It was like she took two steps forward, and the animal took two steps back.

When she woke up, Solas was back. He was sitting in the arm chair beside her bed, a thin blanket draped around his shoulders. His eyes were slightly cracked open, as though her quiet stirring had awoken him.

"Vhenan," He said, his voice cracked with sleepiness.

"You're back!" She moved over and patted the empty space on her bed, "Lie down with me."

"Do you not have plans today?"

She knitted her brows together, trying to remember what was going on, "I do, but that's not until later."

"It is late afternoon, my dear. We must be waking."

"Late afternoon?" She asked. There was no way it was late afternoon – she went to bed before it even got dark outside.

"Yes. I fear you have been in a deep sleep."

"Were you controlling the Fade while I was asleep?"

"No. I have not been here that long."

"I've been having the same dream. It's just a pair of red animal eyes staring at me through darkness."

"Does the animal attack?"

"No. I cannot see anything other than it's eyes."

"Then how are you certain it is an animal? Could it not be human or elf?"

"I'm not sure. It feels…animalistic. I feel like I've seen the eyes before though. Like I know the owner."

"That certainly is strange."

There was a knock at the door – Josephine. She said if they wanted to be on time, they had to get up at that exact moment. If Josephine wasn't so…pushy, the inquisitor would not have met half of her deadlines or meetings or contacts. She didn't say it, but she appreciated Josephine's promptness. She was half the reason she was as well-known as she was.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

They needed to start getting ready for that night – Empress Celene's ball was coming, and the inquisitor was going. After she had seen that future where Corypheus had taken over…she couldn't allow it to happen. She needed to stop Empress Celene from being hurt.

"_Is this a joke?" _One of the attendees snapped, "_Andraste's Herald…is a dalish elf?"_

She wanted to take her anchored hand and cover the woman's mouth with it, but that would win her no favors with the court. Instead, she walked past, helping a nearby woman locate her ring before the introductions were made. Out of all of them, Solas had the least impressive title – "the inquisitor's courter" – though she supposed, "elven apostate" would've been worse.

She tried desperately to make conversation with everyone – though not a lot of people would talk to an elf. Even an elf in fancy clothing. One person even mistook her for a servant. Though she had the court's favor to worry about, she also had found some documents and heard some rumors indicating that it wasn't just Celene's cousin, Gaspard that was planning an attack. It was also Gaspard's sister, Florianne, and Celene's spymaster, Briala.

Iron Bull was standing beside the appetizer table when Elliana slinked up, took a plate with a few small cakes, asked Bull what he thought, and slinked away, quietly as she came. He shook his head at her – such a strange woman_. But she was a redhead!_

"You wanna dance, emma lath?" She asked Solas as she handed him the plate with the sweets on it.

"I would love to, vhenan. But the court with grant you no favors if you dance with an elven apostate."

"You said it yourself; all mages are apostates now."

"Vivienne does not agree with you," He smiled lightly.

"Aww come on, it won't hurt anything."

"Love, do not misunderstand. I would like nothing more than to dance with you right now. But the court will not have it."

"You should've heard the things they were saying when my arrival was announced."

"No, I should not have," He said defensively. He softened and grabbed a cake from the plate she was holding out, "These are the best sweets to come from Val Royeaux. Or anywhere, really." He offered her a cake, "It is strawberry," He smiled.

His smile made her forget about not wanting to dance with her. It even made it okay when he purposely got pink icing on her face. And it made it even better when he took her face in his hands and kissed the corner of her mouth, licking the icing from his lips.

"Come out on the balcony with me," he grabbed her hand and she set the small hors d'oeuvres plate on a nearby table.

"What's out here?"

"Nothing."

She laughed, "Okay, then."

"And that makes it okay for us to dance."

If there was one thing she thought Solas would be bad at, it was dancing. She thought, _oh, he'll be all left feet, this'll be amusing_, and she was angry when she was wrong. How was he so good at everything? Every. Single. Thing. There wasn't a question he couldn't answer, a spell that he didn't know, and he knew the origin of them all. She wanted to at least be better than him at dancing. _Damn talented bastard,_ she smiled.

"Solas?"

"Yes?"

She took her head from his shoulder, "I love you."

"And I love you, vhenan."

"Thank you for putting up with me."

"You are the one who should be receiving thanks."

"Why?"

His expression darkened, and his smile disappeared, "Ma vhenan. I am…different. I am not what you think I am."

"So you're not an elf? Perhaps, a human with an elf fetish?" She poked fun.

"No. I…want you to know that I love you very, very deeply, and what I am about to tell you does not change that. Okay?"

"Okay. Why are you being so serious? Are we breaking up?"

"Oh, Heavens, no," He smiled, albeit sadly, "It's just that –"

"There you are!" Josephine crowed, "We thought you had left! I am sorry, Solas, but the Inquisitor is needed in the ball room."

"I love you," He whispered, nudging her towards Josephine.

"Aww, Josephine! He was going to tell me something important!"

"It can wait," She snapped, "You are the face of the Inquisition! You make us all look bad when you disappear like that! Appearances _are_ important, Inquisitor Elliana!"

"Sorry, Mom," Ellie rolled her eyes.

Though Josephine did not see, she mimicked her eye roll almost perfectly, and led her to a strange mage. She introduced herself as Morrigan and said she was Celene's magic advisor. Morrigan handed Ellie a key, found on a guy she killed last week for trespassing in the castle. Thankful that she brought Bull, Dorian, and Solas, they armed themselves and began searching the now-accessible part of the castle. More dead Elven servants. More fingers to point in more directions. More questions than answers.

Just as they arrived back in the ballroom, Celene was making her announcements. Ellie called for Lelianna – stop all of Florianne's men from getting to the Inquisition soldiers or to Celene, and ordered Cullen to keep the partygoers safe. As she approached the Empress from one side, Florianne came around to the other, cutting down guards and soldiers along the way, quiet as a snake in the night.

"Celene, duck!" Ellie yelled, and threw a dagger. It barely missed the Empress and lodged into the pillar beside Florianne's head. A streak of blood appeared across her ear.

She swore at herself for missing, but the four of them gave chase to Florianne, following her out of a window and onto a balcony. She jumped, landing in a water fountain and shooting at arrow at them. Solas's barrier caught the tip mere inches away from Ellie's chest.

Ellie knew exactly how this fight would go. She was, after all, a rogue as well. She could see through her stealth, Iron Bull could tear through her shield, Dorian and Solas could attack from afar when she tried to hide on the wall. It was a tedious, but not challenging fight.

Up on the balcony where they had danced earlier, Ellie sat with her legs through the railing, dangling above the remaining partygoers, and her head resting in her hands. She was quietly waiting for her advisors to tie up any loose ends down in the ballroom before they left, like a child waiting for their parents. Solas sat down, resting his hand on her thigh. She grabbed him, holding him tightly, kissing every bit of his face.

"I have never felt like this for anyone," He admitted through sighs and gasps, "you have done so much for me. And to me. You do not understand the changes I have made since we have been together. Nor could I explain them."

"And you've done the same to me, emma lath."

"Why are you all alone up here?" He asked, "There is still partying going on in the ballroom. It seems as though the Orlesians find this sort of thing exciting."

"I'm not sure why, but I'm upset. Maybe we didn't have to kill Florianne? Maybe we could've talked some sense into her."

"I doubt it," Solas shrugged.

"Hey, what did you want to tell me earlier?"

He looked at her and laid back, his feet still dangling between the railing. His eyes were closed and he knitted his fingers together across his chest, "You know those eyes you have seen in the Fade?"

"The red ones? Yes."

"They belong to me."

"But…they're some sort of animal's eyes."

"Yes. I like to take the shape of a wolf in the Fade sometimes. It keeps things interesting."

She laughed, "You can take the shape of an animal in the Fade?"

"Yes. Come here," He motioned for her to lie down with him, and she curled in a ball beside him as he wrapped his arms around her. "The moon is beautiful tonight."

It was so close to them, almost a full moon, too. Having a bedroom near the balcony must've been beautiful at night. The sky was always so clear the time she spent in Val Royeaux, unlike at Skyhold, where there were always lingering clouds, or in Haven where the sky was perpetually foggy.

"For all they got wrong, the Dalish did one thing right: they made you." He said as he rolled over on top of her, beginning another assault as he kissed every bit of exposed flesh he could find, sliding his hand up her shirt. The more that he thought about it, the more and more he wanted her. He could control this aspect of his life. He could control _her,_ have control over her. And that was what he wanted, more than anything: to be in control, again.

If she allowed him to, of course.

"Okay, I think we're – oh, Holy Maker!" Dorian openly gawked on the other side of the glass door, his hand resting on the handle, "Bull, get a load of this!"

"Fuck yeah! She's a redhead!" He bellowed.

"That's…honestly a little kinkier than I expected from Solas, of all people." Dorian referred to how Ellie's hands were tied with the sash from her waist.

"I have news for the Inquisitor – oh my," Morrigan turned away from the door, "Just…tell her I have been appointed as her new magical advisor. I will be awaiting her…fully clothed return at Skyhold."

"Should we at least tell them we're watching?" Dorian asked.

"Oh fuck no," Bull nudged Dorian, "Hey…you wanna…?"

"Maker, it spreads like a disease amongst you people. But yes. I do."

_You're like a drug that's killing me,_

_I cut you out entirely,_

_But I get so high when I'm inside you._

The parties arrived separately at Skyhold. Solas said he wanted to finish painting in his room while she talked to Morrigan. The witch said she knew what Corypheus was after – an eluvian. In fact, she brought one to Skyhold and walked Ellie through it. It was powerful because it led to a crossroads, where several different eluvians met up. Corypheus could send his soldiers in through one eluvian and they could attack multiple areas at once. And if he found the eluvian before they did, then it would be very bad. Their next stop was the Arbor Wilds, bright and early the next morning.

Solas's shirt was particularly free of paint splotches – probably magic – when Ellie stopped by his room. There was a new mural on an empty spot on the wall; several wolves baying at a full moon.

"You certainly like wolves," She said.

"If ever I identified with an animal, the wolf would surely be it."

"Why?" Solas watched as she tilted her head to the side, as she always did when she asked a question. It made him smile.

"Did you ever wonder what God or Goddess you would be most like?"

"I've…never thought about it, actually. Do you think you're most like Fen'Harel?" She asked.

"Perhaps," He gave her a wolfish grin.

"But Fen'Harel is the trickster God. You aren't very…trickster-y."

"No, but I certainly know of some tricks," He picked her up and pinned her against the dry part of the wall, his fingers tracing over her undershirt, right above her breasts.

"I love you so much," He said through gasps. _He loved her_. And he would have to tell her soon if he even still planned on it. But, was it wise? What if others found out? No. She was not safe. Not with him around…never with him around. He was in too deep, and one way or another was going to hurt her. If he left, at least her life would no longer be in danger. She may hurt, and for how long, who knows? But her life was worth more than the hurt he would inflict on her. She had done so much more good than he had, and he was being selfish by staying with her for so long. He didn't want to hurt himself either.

He pulled his furs up over her shoulders, as she was on top this time and Solas's room was probably the coldest in all of Skyhold. She moved her hands to his chest and he caressed up her arms, and her shoulders, and back down to her hands, holding them in place with his own.

If he left, he was giving _this _up. Her. Their walks in the Fade and their night-long talks. She wanted to have kids. She told him that once. After Corypheus was stopped, and the Inquisition had set everyone on the right path, she wanted to raise kids. Not like her clan raised her – constantly switching stories about the Gods and making them travel from place to place. Her kids would lead happy lives in Skyhold. He would be giving up waking next to her, making her tea, guiding her through the Nightmare when they didn't fall asleep at the same times; promising himself he wouldn't let her fall into another.

He was giving up Skyhold – his only home – and the constant watch he kept over her. He would never know if she was okay, what she was doing. Would she move on? Would she be happier with someone else? What if she just closed herself in her room, never leaving, never getting any better? What if she didn't _want_ to get better? He'd be giving up Cassandra, Bull, Dorian, Varric, Cole…his friends. And they were all in danger because of him. He did not intend to get so easily attached. But he loved Elliana. He loved her more than words could describe, even enough to want to have children with her.

_No. Dangerous._

"You cannot be any louder!" Dorian called down the tower, "You two are like small rodents!"

Solas wasn't paying attention to Dorian, or even Leliana who eventually joined in on the fun. He was too busy blinking the tears from his eyes, trying desperately not to lose his composure in front of Ellie. Or to even let her know how he was feeling. It would raise too many questions, and he wasn't prepared to answer them. Not now, not after he had just told her how much he loved her. Not after he had to mentally prepare to have sex with her the first time. He was in so deep.

"Oh, Dread Wolf, it just keeps getting better and better every time," She purred, "And it was already really good to begin with."

He stiffened for just a millisecond before softening again, his hands deftly braiding and unbraiding her hair, "I am glad I can make you call on Gods you do not even believe in."

She smiled at him, shivering when his fingers lightly caressed her back. Or maybe it was the cold. Or both. "Let's go to my room. Yours is so cold."

"Yes, please do!" Dorian called down.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

"Little Red," Varric greeted, "You remember how I told you about my friend Marian Hawke?"

"I do. I'm assuming this is her," Ellie extended her hand and nodded at her, admiring her large great axe that was strapped to her back.

"Hawke and I fought Corypheus the first time."

"The first time?"

"Well, yeah. He was _dead_ though."

"He was," Marian finally spoke, "He was dead, no pulse, no breathing. We watched him die."

"So…what happened?"

"I'm not sure. The Grey Wardens were holding him and he somehow used his connection with the darkspawn to influence them. Mess with their minds. Let him go. So if the Grey Wardens have been disappearing, it's possible that they're under his influence again."

"Shit," Ellie whispered, "Red Templars, the Venatori, and now possibly the Grey Wardens."

"Well, I _do_ come bearing some good news," Hawke turned towards the steps behind them. Ellie was surprised to see Solas – or that Hawke even heard him walking up the stairs. He never wore actual shoes, so he was mostly barefoot all the time. "Seems like we have a visitor."

"His name is Solas," Ellie said, "And this is Hawke, the Champion of Kirkwall. She's come to give us advice about Corypheus."

They shook hands, and Hawke continued, "I have a friend amongst the Wardens. Name's Stroud. Last I spoke to him, he was concerned about corruption amongst the ranks."

"He didn't get corrupted, did he?" Varric asked and Hawke glanced down briefly as Solas intertwined his fingers with Ellie's.

"No. I received word that he was hiding out in an old cave in Crestwood. We should leave as soon as I'm done talking to your Inquisitor, if you don't mind me borrowing her, Solas."

Hawke and Ellie walked down the steps and entered the tavern. Ellie wasn't sure why she was being pulled away from Solas and Varric, or what Hawke would even have to say to her, seeing as how they _just _met. She waved the barkeep over and motioned for Ellie to have a seat.

"Two of whatever ale you have," Hawke said as she sat down across from her, "I take it you never have to pay for your drinks?"

"I don't usually drink. What's this about?"

"Anders…he wasn't a monster. He wasn't a hero either. But he was trying to save the mages, and he knew that it wouldn't end peacefully. Does that mean he did the right thing? Could he have gone about it in a different way?" Hawke stared into her mug, "I love him. I loved him then, I love him now. Even though it forced me from my home, my family, my friends. We were on the run for a while. I thought…maybe the Divine would have to split up her forces between us and Kirkwall," She laughed, humorlessly, "But damn, if I wouldn't do it all over again, just to stay with him."

"I'm…sorry. It must've been hard leaving your family and friends."

"Well, my friends all left to continue lives elsewhere. My sister became a Grey Warden, and my mother and her brother fought like cat and dog. It was like I didn't even get used to peaceful living in Kirkwall before I had to leave again," Hawke sighed, "What I'm trying to say is that…I get the same feeling from Solas that I got from Anders when we first met."

"Varric wrote that to you, didn't he? He asked you to say this to me so I would be more inclined to leave Solas. Am I right?"

Hawke raised her eyebrow, "What?"

"Varric said the same exact thing to me when Solas and I first got together. Same wording, even."

"Varric always had a way with words," she smirked. "I just…I don't know. It broke my heart when he blew up the Chantry. It broke my heart when I had to decide between him and Kirkwall, and it broke my heart even more when he couldn't sleep or eat because of what he had done. I just don't want that to happen to you, okay?"

Ellie's features may have softened, but her hands were clenched into fists. Why did all of these people oppose of her and Solas? Who was Hawke to just walk in here and claim that she knew Solas, beyond his name? There was something so comforting, so right about being with him. She never felt more protected, more alive, more wanted. She loved him with every inch of her being. Being near him just made her feel…warmer.

"Thanks, Hawke. I think we should be going soon, though."

After Dorian, Iron Bull, and Solas were told that Ellie and Hawke were going to Crestwood, they wasted no time in getting ready and getting on the way. Solas held on to Ellie's hand most of the way there, so hard that she had to tell him to let up a few times. He apologized and would let up for a short time, but he'd start to squeeze tighter and tighter. He didn't want her to just…leave. He couldn't do it. He wasn't going to be able to tell her _or _leave her.

"So, Hawke, I heard you were affiliated with the mage what blew up the Chantry in Kirkwall," Dorian said, "What exactly happened?"

She told them about Justice and how he wanted justice for the mages that were wronged. She agreed and disagreed with him at the same time. He had the right intentions, but he went about it the wrong way. Of course, she supported Anders the best she could – there was no way she could just leave him alone after a spirit had blown the Chantry and he got the blame for it.

Solas shook his head, "it would not have happened if the Chantry was not so harsh on the mages. It isn't fair to be punished for something you have been born with. What if mages punished the Templars for carrying swords?"

"I suppose the world would be a much different place," Hawke said, not even looking over at Solas as she pointed the cave out for Ellie, "There's where he should be, Inquisitor."

"He's a mage?"

"No. I don't know the guy out front."

There were a few men, Grey Wardens it seemed, with a mage standing behind all of them. He called for the Inquisitor to watch what they were learning.

"Bind it!" He shouted.

Ellie watched as the man slit his palm, and the demon stopped attacking.

"Blood magic," Solas nodded.

"My master told me of you," The magister called, "He said you'd stolen his powers at the Conclave and foiled his plans at Haven. But he taught me how to deal with you." Ellie's mark started to thump, shocking her arm up to her elbow and back. She hissed, shaking the pain off and rubbing her palm. It was not comfortable, but it wasn't necessarily debilitating, either.

While she dealt with the snapping and popping feeling in her hand, the Grey Wardens had started using their demons to attack them. She gave chase to the Magister while Hawke, Dorian, Bull, and Solas took care of the demons.

"Did your master tell you I can do this?" She held her anchored hand up and manipulated the Fade energy around him, like magic. He flew backwards, practically landing on his head. Before Ellie had the chance to do anything else, he was running off. She smiled – _good. Run back to your master._

"Anyways," Hawke wiped some of the blood from her armor, effectively smearing it, "_That_ is the cave."

She walked in the cave, thanking the Maker or the Dread Wolf, or whoever was listening that the cave wasn't dark. From behind her, the sound of metal scraping off of metal caught her attention – a sword being drawn? A flash of blue, Solas's barrier. She drew her dagger.

"Stop!" Hawke yelled, "Stroud, this is the Inquisitor."

Her first meeting with Stroud, and they were going to kill each other before pleasantries were made. Dorian suggested going back to the war table to discuss the assault on Adamant, the area Stroud said was full of corrupted Grey Wardens. They'd have to get their troops together, and Lelianna could send in spies to kill them from the inside out.

At Skyhold, Elliana said she was going to take a nap while Cullen got his troops together.

"You'd get some sleep at night if you two weren't –"

"'Cause all of Thedas can't hear you and Bull," Ellie interrupted.

"I shall join you, vhenan," Solas said as he awkwardly slid between the two, their eyes locked and narrowed, "_Vhenan_," he repeated, grabbing her hand and pulling her with him.

"I'm sorry," Ellie said, "I was making a spectacle…"

"No, it is not you. There is talk amongst the halls. It has started from those close to us. Dorian and Bull, I would assume."

"Talk?"

"About our relationship."

"Oh. I just think they can hear us. They stand right outside both of our bedroom doors."

"I believe you are correct," He smiled, "But it pains me that others make it their business."

"We had sex on a balcony. I think we made it everyone's business."

"You are correct. I'm sorry. I am impulsive and…I have not felt anything this strong in…years. Lie down. We will walk the Fade together, my love."

Solas liked to take her to ancient elven ruins. Ivy and moss grew up the sides of old, broken down buildings. Inside, there was a temple dedicated to the Dread Wolf. Wolf statues stood all around, broken and crumbling, moss claiming most of them as its own. There were no birds chirping, no insects singing. Just the crunch of the leaves beneath their feet as they made their way further in, past the archway with its intricate designs on the side, full of foliage from being so unkempt for so long. Solas let go of her hand and continued to walk forward while she stared at the dark doors.

"Are you feeling alright?" Solas asked.

"This…feels familiar."

"It is my second favorite place in the Fade. I come here often."

"Ah, yes. Your wolf obsession."

"Something like that," He smiled, "Come along. There is much to see."

She reminded him of a child in a candy shop as they walked around, turning on old, broken water fountains with a flick of his hand. He lit torches with a snap of his fingers. And then, he stood in front of each statue – one of an ancient male elf, one of a wolf, and one of an ancient female elf – and explained to her who they were and what they did. His cheeks were reddened by the time he was done talking and he was almost out of breath.

"You are the best teacher I've had," She said.

"I would certainly hope so. I've done a lot of travelling, and I've had a lot of time to do so."

"This place is beautiful," She said. It was surrounded by trees in a forest, giving them shadow to hide in, but not so much shadow that the dark terrified her. It was easy to lie down in the grass and stare at the mesmerizing temple for what seemed like hours, entangled in each other, their clothes in a pile beside them, and nothing but the soft grass as a bedding. He took his time, memorizing every square inch of her body. The freckle on her neck, the cluster of freckles that formed a sort of trapezoid shape in her cleavage. The scar tucked below her lower lip – crescent shaped. You could only see it if you were below her. The way her hair looked when it was wet. He was being so soft and gentle with her that she thought maybe he wasn't in the mood.

"Are you okay?" She asked, "This isn't like you."

"It does not always have to be harsh. I love you. I want to spend my time with you. Ending this early would be a waste of time. You are so beautiful. You mean a lot to me."

Her hands were all over him, and he reveled in the feeling. Her fingertips pressed into his hips or his shoulders. The way he felt alive when their skin touched, the fire just below the surface reminding him constantly that he _is_ alive, and he _is_ worthy of her love. He only felt that way, could only truly unfurl when she touched him. It was magnificent.

She buried her face in the crook of his neck, and he began to pick up the pace making her hit her chin off of his shoulder.

"We must wake up soon," He said in gasps.

She tried desperately to say "okay" but she couldn't get anything out between the groans and the panting. There was a knock on the door, but it sounded like it was…outside? Outside of the Fade, at least. Solas pulled her hair back, and she lifted her head from his chest. With his other arm wrapped tightly around her waist, he held her in place and she began grinding her hips against him, harshly. He bit her lower lip, the two moaning together. Another knock. Heavier and harder, until she was no longer screaming his name, but unintelligibly moaning and clawing at his back, holding onto his shoulders for dear life.

They woke up before the third knock, Ellie answering the door for an unamused Iron Bull, "You and Fade-Boner ready to get going now?" He looked past Ellie and saw that Solas was lying with is back towards them, "How do you do it in the Fade? Are you just dreaming? It _looks_ like you have mad sex hair."

"I guess it's like dreaming. But…it's also like we're there. I can feel it, hear it. It's such a strange feeling."

Iron Bull looked to Solas, with his back still turned, then to Ellie, and then to the floor, "Okay, Boss. Whatever you say. We're ready to go, though. Dorian's getting a little impatient."

Bull shut the door, and she turned to see Solas sitting up, "I am still unaware as to why our…relations have anything to do with anyone other than you and I."

She shrugged, "They know we're together. They know we've had sex, and I think they just like to say stuff 'cause you're so reserved and quiet, and then all of a sudden, it's like BAM."

"Bam?" He repeated.

"Yep!"

He smiled, "Vhenan, you continue to amaze me. Let us go before they make more jokes."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

The Inquisitor was on the front lines with Cullen as they marched forward to Adamant. Cullen had done an excellent job to keep them riled, as men and women ran forward with ladders, using them to climb the castle walls. Even though she couldn't see the rest of her party, she knew they were near from the flash of blue light that appeared – Solas's barrier – and the other three pops that signaled it was around Solas, Dorian and Iron Bull.

Bull let out a fearsome bellow before running ahead of her and Cullen, and the commander wished her luck before she activated stealth and headed in. There were demons and corrupted Templars all over the place – some were fighting Inquisition soldiers, and others were fighting each other. Between Dorian blowing things up with his fire abilities, and Solas keeping them healthy and alive with his defensive magic, they were blowing straight through Adamant. The extra help from Stroud and Hawke definitely wasn't hurting either.

Elliana told a group of uncorrupted Wardens to fall back to avoid being caught up in the mess and accidentally killed. They nodded and did as she said, immediately leaving. Up on the battlements, they tore through Wardens preventing the other Inquisition soldiers from climbing on the wall. Stroud said they were looking for Clarel, the Warden-Commander. The Warden mages were using blood magic to strengthen Corypheus, and they hoped talking sense into Clarel would stop the madness. Ellie had no idea who Clarel was or what she even looked like, so she stayed behind Hawke and Stroud – closer to Solas where she felt the most comfortable.

The Wardens had mostly left, so the only thing that stood in their way were the demons that went down easily between the six of them, even a lumbering, ten foot tall demon. Ellie was fast and agile, so she didn't have to worry about being hit. Especially with Hawke and Bull keeping his attention. When a soldier approached them, she ordered her to keep the other troops safe; they had it under control.

Finally, across a bridge, and up further, Stroud yelled for Clarel. She turned, wielding a knife against another Warden. She slit his throat. The mage that they saw outside of Crestwood was now trying to get Clarel to perform some sort of ritual.

The eight of them argued. "Don't do it!" "Yes, do it! It's not bad. The Wardens are doing their jobs, protecting the people from the blight!" "No, not with blood magic." "Hate me if you must. The Wardens are doing their jobs!" "Are we? We've never needed a blood sacrifice before…" "He's going to bind your mage allies to Corypheus!" "But…Corypheus is dead!" "They're lying!" "No, you're lying!" Ellie shook her head. It seemed like it was almost pointless. No one was listening to anyone and they weren't making any progress.

"Bring it through!" Clarel shouted, and their mages began to summon a demon through a rift.

Hawke yelled for them to stop using blood magic, Stroud threatened to kill them. The magister told Clarel the demon was worthy of her strength. Ellie activated stealth and climbed to the top of the stairs, behind the mage.

"Where did she go?" He looked panicked.

Solas smirked from the battlefield – he could see the shimmer of air where she crouched behind him, getting her blades ready.

"My Master thought this would happen," He tapped his staff off the ground and a loud, horrible screech – a dragon – filled the air, "He sent this, for you!" He said, turning and tripping over Ellie as he tried to run away.

The dragon sent flames straight down on top of them – Clarel casting a barrier around her and Ellie, and Solas covering the field as much as he could. They scattered, but the dragon came down closer.

"You were right!" Clarel said as they ran back across the bridge. The dragon landed in front of them, screaming a battle cry, and lunging towards Clarel. He picked her up in his jaws, shaking his head wildly, before flying up and spitting Clarel out like a piece of meat.

"I…am sorry, Inquisitor," She whispered as she shot a beam of electricity up towards the dragon. It fell, crashing on the bridge as all dead weight. It began crumbling under their feet.

"Run!" Ellie screamed, trying to out-run the pieces of falling bridge. But it was no use, and eventually, they were all tumbling downwards, Solas's fingers outstretching to grab her, her hair, her arm, something. He could cushion the blow if they landed on a piece of bridge in the water, if he could just grab her.

But instead, she stretched her left hand out and opened a rift below them. They tumbled into it, all landing in a pile on the ground. Solas was the first to stand up, completely marveled by the fact that they were literally standing in the Fade. Not asleep. They were well awake, and alive, and they made it into the Fade without dying.

"If I'm dead, I'm going to be pissed off," Hawke said, "This surely isn't the Maker's bosom."

Ellie started screaming, and Bull rushed to stand up, extending his hand. She stared up at him, but didn't take him on his offer.

"Ellie! Elliana!" Solas rushed to her side and lifted her head into her lap, "What is the matter?"

"I…I can't see!" She was almost in hysterics, "It's pitch black and I can't see you guys."

"Her eyes are open, I don't get it?"

"She is afraid of the dark. And this is the Nightmare. What we're seeing is different for everyone."

"Where are you guys?!" She started to panic, throwing her hands around to touch someone – anyone – to prove she wasn't alone, "Someone say something! Anything, please!"

"She…can't hear us either?" Bull asked.

"Ellie?" Solas whispered into her ear, "Can you hear me?"

"Solas?"

"Yes, I am here. I'm right here."

"I…I can't see. I can barely hear you."

"I'm right here. I have you in my arms."

"I…no. We're in the Fade. How do I know you're not a demon?"

He laughed dryly, "I'm not, vhenan."

"Well…then…say something Solas would say."

"The Fade is wonderful!" Dorian mocked in a high pitched voice.

"Well, that's definitely Dorian," She said.

Solas glared at him before turning his attention back to Ellie, whispering in her ear, "You are my Goddess."

She blushed despite her current situation, "Oh. Oh. Oh my," She stammered, "Okay. It's you."

"Maker, get a room, you two. If I have to hear one more Goddess reference tonight, I may very well puke on myself. And it would be a shame to get these clothes dirty," Dorian shook his head.

"Okay, so she's blind and she thinks she's…what?" Bull asked, "Alone?"

"Those are common fears. Perhaps lighting a torch would help her visibility," Solas helped her stand up and tapped his staff on the ground. Veil fire exploded from the tip, and Ellie squinted to make out his face in the dull green light.

"The stories say you walked out of the Fade before, Ellie," Hawke said, "Was it like this?"

"I…I don't know. I still can't remember."

"I doubt it was the Nightmare," Solas said with a matter-of-fact tone, "Either way, we can possibly leave through that rift over there." He bent down in front of Ellie and wrapped her arms around his neck, "She cannot do much if she cannot see."

"You sure you wanna carry her?" Iron Bull asked, "I probably wouldn't tired as easily."

"No. I am fine, thank you. Besides, I won't have to put her down when I need to cast. Unless you plan on running headfirst into battle with her on your shoulders, it would be wise to just let me keep her."

"You're going to have to have some amazing stamina if you plan to carry her the whole time."

"I figured you and Dorian knew about my current stamina situation. It should be more than enough to carry her around."

Bull clapped a large hand to Solas's shoulder, hitting Ellie's arm, "I honestly didn't think you had it in you to make a joke, buddy!"

"Also, Fade-Boner is not a name I would like to be remembered by."

Hawke snorted, "Oh Maker. Fade-Boner? Andraste's tits, that's the funniest thing I've heard all week."

They waked for a minute or two, Hawke still catching her breath from the "Fade-Boner" incident earlier, when Stroud spoke up.

"Is…that another person?"

"It looks like…The Divine," Solas said.

"I really wish I could see," Ellie whined.

"Is it her?"

"It could be. Spirits of the dead are said to pass back and forth between the veil. Those with unfinished business will often stay in the Fade, guiding other lost spirits among their ways. Perhaps, the Divine was waiting for us here. After all, it is not completely impossible that it is truly her – we yet walk the Fade in our mortal bodies, do we not?" Solas asked.

"Believe what you may. I am here to help you through this. Inquisitor, is that you back there?" She asked.

"Yes. I am blinded, and I can't see much further than a few inches from the veil fire that's lit." She was holding Solas's staff in her hand, near her face. Though it was called veil fire, it didn't seem particularly hot, or else she would've caught her face on fire by then.

The Divine wanted to help get Elliana's memories back, she said there wasn't a lot of time. They longer they stayed in the Nightmare, the more powerful it would become, feeding off of Ellie's fear of the darkness, which was the most prominent fear at that moment. So easy to take her eyesight away. The Divine would lead the way, and they would have to fight through their own terrors.

Ellie couldn't see what was on the ground, but Hawke made a comment about it being spiders, and Stroud wished that he saw spiders. Solas remained silent as they neared the Divine again, and everyone heard a warped voice.

_Help me!_

_What's going on here?_

_Go! Warn the others!_

It was the Divine and the Inquisitor, and the exchange that Solas and Ellie heard at the rift before they arrived at Haven. It didn't help her remember much. There was a lot of standing around while Hawke relieved the nightmares of others by returning their lost items and artifacts, and pieced together several eluvians. The Divine led them towards another memory.

_Bring forth the sacrifice, a deep voice boomed_ – Corypheus.

_Why are you doing this? You of all people?_ The Divine asked.

The next memory wasn't just voices – it was a vision. The Divine, tied up. Several corrupted Grey Wardens holding her in place. Corypheus walked forward with a glowing green orb, holding it out at Justinia, but when Ellie arrived, she distracted one of the Wardens long enough for her to let Justinia smack the orb from Corypheus's hand. Ellie picked it up, with her left hand, and that's how she got the anchor.

They pressed on – Ellie wasn't sure if the others saw what she did, but it certainly answered some questions for them. They stopped again, and Dorian announced that there was a graveyard with their names on the tombstones.

"Solas. Let me down, please," She was still holding on to his staff, and used it to navigate through the graveyard. The tombstones had everyone's biggest fears on them. _Blackwall – himself. Vivienne – irrelevance_. Ellie rolled her eyes. _Cassandra – helplessness. Solas – dying alone_. Ellie started crying when she read his tombstone. She knew the feeling all too well. Hers was in the middle, and was the largest of them all. _Elliana Lavellan – the dark, dying alone, Solas leaving, deep water, spiders._

"You have the longest list of them all," Dorian said.

"Yes. I know. Solas, where are you?" She sounded tired – worn out, upset, whatever. She was drained and she no longer wanted anything to do with the Nightmare, "Can we just leave now?"

"Of course, vhenan."

The Divine admitted she wasn't actually the Divine, even though it had not surprised them. No one expected her to live through the Fade.

_And Ellie,_ the fear demon called, from wherever he was,_ The Lavellan clan left you, a sniveling pup in the woods, did they not? You are so far removed from them, and yet you dare use their name? Solas will soon realize that you are not what you claim to be. I suppose the same is true for him as well. The same hands that brought you comfort have killed even Gods. He will soon leave you, just as the clan left you. You will be alone, forever. Alone and in the dark, with no one to rescue you._

"Do not fall for his tricks, vhenan," Solas whispered in her ear, resting his cheek against hers. It was wet. She was crying, and the Nightmare was going to feed off of it. "Ar lath ma, vhenan. Don't be frightened."

Her heart ached at the words, and she tightened her grip around his neck, "I love you, too, emma lath."

Demons were appearing at an alarming rate. _Your precious Anders. Soon, without you there to protect him, he will perish, just like your brother did. Perhaps not by a darkspawn. But once the townspeople find out who he is, what he's done…they will surely burn him at the stake, and your children will quickly follow suit._

"I'm gonna fuckin' kill him," Hawke whispered, tightening her grip on her haft.

_Perhaps it is I who should be afraid. The most powerful forces of the Inquisition stand before me, the demon laughed. Dirth ma harellan. Ma banal enasalin. Mar solas ena mar din._ ("Tell me, trickster, do you enjoy your empty gift? Your pride is dead.")

"Banal nadas," Solas responded. ("Nothing is inevitable.")

"Trickster?" Ellie knitted her brows together, "What…does he mean?"

"Later, my heart, please," he begged in whispers.

There was more fighting – Ellie wished desperately that she could help. They moved on, and she heard more warped voices, telling her to run, to go. And then she saw the same rift she crawled out of before she was the Inquisitor. The Divine tried desperately to run towards her, but she was being chased by large spiders. Flustered, she began to slip and lose her footing. She couldn't keep up with Ellie.

_Go without me!_ She shouted, and Ellie reached towards her, her fingers not even coming close to the Divine. Justinia fell, and Ellie ran as quickly as possible, rushing towards the bright green of the Fade rift.

"She…died. Saving me," Ellie was quiet.

"Sounds like the Divine, alright."

"I don't want to be here anymore," Ellie was near sobs, "Please. Go. Just…go."

The Nightmare was warping around them, however, the demon able to take better control with the fear he was feeding from Ellie. Between them and the Fade rift, there appeared to be a large…spider. It materialized, stories high, drawing gasps from several of them. The ones that could see, anyways.

"Stroud, take them and get out of here! I'll keep it busy!" Hawke shouted.

"I am sorry," The Divine interrupted, "And tell Leliana that…I failed her."

The flash of light the Divine gave off was enough to let Ellie see for a moment. The spider was large and white, with hundreds of eyes and just as many tentacles. And then she was plunged back into darkness.

"No, I will stay here," Stroud said, "Now go!"

"Stroud…" Hawke whispered, but Bull was already pushing past her, climbing as fast as he could up the jagged path. Despite having Ellie to worry about, Solas wasn't slowed down one bit, and continued to move just as fast as everyone else.

Despite it being night time, the sudden ability to see made Ellie blanch back, digging her face into Solas's shoulder. It was too much too quick, and it hurt for a second or two.

"Inquisitor, the Wardens will be glad to help you on you – "

"No, just leave. Please, just leave Orlais."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

"I cannot _believe_ you denied the help of the Wardens!" Cullen slammed his fists on the desk.

"Well, they were still viable to corruption, Cullen. I'm not going to argue with you about this. I'm tired, and we just came from the Nightmare. I am not in the mood for this. Please."

He sighed loudly, rubbing his temples, "Inquisitor, I'd rather it only be you in the war room. You can convey your plans to the rest of the group," he glanced back at Solas, "But…it's rather awkward having an audience."

"If I'm just going to tell everyone else, why not have them in here? Or at least Solas?"

"I see no harm in it," Josephine said, "Cullen, you are used to commanding entire armies, why is Solas an issue now?"

Solas raised his eyebrows, "I can leave, if I am being bothersome."

"No, no. It's fine. I'm sorry. Anyways, Morrigan should be here any second to tell you of her findings."

"Can this not wait until tomorrow?" Solas asked, "The Inquisitor has had a fairly rough day."

"Yes, please? And Solas and I have something to discuss."

He held his hands behind his back, his chin high. She _knew_, there was no way she didn't. Not after he told her, practically threw hints at her. And then the fear demon brought it up. She was smart. He had to give her that, at least.

Morrigan appeared, glancing around the room. Her eyes burned into Solas – maybe she knew, too? There was practically no way she couldn't, with her mother around. No. Solas was certain her mother wouldn't have told her about herself, let alone him. He supposed she had suspicions, but she was not quite sure.

"You look tired, Inquisitor. Who would have guessed that walking through the Fade was…tiring," Morrigan said, "I wager if you are in the Fade, you are past the point of tired. Fast asleep, after all. If you wish to continue this in the morning, it can hold off. But just remember, the sooner we get there, the more time we have on Corypheus. He does not know I hold this information, so he thinks himself safe. For now."

"Okay. Thank you, Morrigan. I will be retiring to my room for the night, if I am needed."

"We'll let you sleep, Inquisitor," Cullen called from behind.

"Call me Ellie. Just…Ellie, please," She said. She didn't like being called the Inquisitor. It was too far removed from her name, and reminded her of the responsibilities she constantly had. If they called her Ellie, it didn't put her on a pedestal above anyone else. She wanted it to be like she was one of the people – like she wasn't better than anyone else. She liked it that way. Besides, she was a Dalish Elf, and even though she had earned the peoples' trust as the Inquisitor, she still heard whispers of her origins.

They made a pit stop in Solas's room, her leading him by the hand. She climbed up the ladder and sat on Solas's bed made of furs. _Furs._ She looked at his wall, adorned with paintings of wolves. And was that a wolf jaw on his necklace? Her head was in her hands as she squinted. _Red eyes. Red eyes. Three red eyes_. She had heard of three red eyes in something before…but she couldn't remember what. Red eyes…were they some sort omen? Shaking her head, she sighed. Her clan left her behind when she was young. She didn't get the proper training or teachings – she had to take up work as a mercenary to pay for her rogue training. After she earned enough money and went through months and months of working, she saved up to move on from Orlais, traveling from place to place, briefly staying with other Dalish clans, but leaving before she overstayed her welcome. What she knew of the Gods, she learned from the Dalish she stayed with, but it wasn't much to go on.

But all she could remember about the three red eyes was that it was _supposed _to make her feel uncomfortable, but they didn't. They felt warm, and caring. They made her feel more welcome than anything else she had discovered in the Fade so far_. Wolves_. Solas liked wolves. He related to them more than anything else. He related to the God, Fen'Harel, more than any other God. _Trickster. _The fear demon called him a _Trickster_. Asked him if he liked his "empty gift." She rubbed her temples in defeat.

"Would you like me to make you a pot of tea, vhenan?"

"Yes, please."

The notes he left for her, if he awoke before she did and left, "_all new, faded for her._" It didn't make much sense, but then again, Solas spoke in riddles half of the time. _Furs. Three red eyes. All new, faded for her. Wolves… Wolves. Three red eyes. Wolves. Trickster. Wolves. Fen'Harel. Dread wolf. All new, faded for her – Dread wolf, Fen'Harel. _

"What do you know of Fen'Harel?" She asked as he silently entered the room.

Solas walked over to the desk as she watched him from above, on the bed. She loved the way he walked – so carefree, gliding across the floor with such grace. He walked with his chin held high all the time, giving off some sort of air of knowledge. If anyone knew about Fen'Harel, it was him. He _had _to. There was no way the fear demon knew about his obsession with wolves, the three red eyes she saw in the Fade. There was no way it could just call him a trickster without any meaning behind it.

"Fen'Harel, you said?" He handed her a mug of tea, "Fen'Harel is the trickster God. He locked the Forgotten Ones and the Creators in the Black City so they could never again walk amongst the people. You said all of this yourself. What more do you wish me tell you, _Little Red Riding Hood_?" He gave her a wolfish smile.

"Are you…Fen'Harel?"

His features softened, his eyes held sadness, "You said yourself that you do not believe in the Gods. Why would I be the ancient trickster wolf?"

Her eyes were embers, dark green and fierce, that burned into his skin and melted his heart. He was so wrapped up in them, so caught up in her, that he barely had time to acknowledge that she was kissing him, that she balled her fists in his shirt to pull him closer.

"All new, faded for her," She whispered, resting her forehead against his.

"What?"

"Dead wolf, Fen'Harel."

He thought about saying that Varric's nickname for her – Little Red Riding Hood – was almost too perfect. But he didn't say anything, just sipped at his tea – made the way she showed him to, except with just a little more milk. Maybe if he chose to ignore it, maybe if he stopped responding to her, she would forget about it. But her grasp on him was too tight and too gentle. He was loved here. He was accepted, even though people made jokes and talked about them behind his back – but that happened, and he knew that. That's how Bull showed his affection – jokes. Dorian talked about him and Ellie, with stars in his eyes, and always made sure that Ellie was comfortable when Solas wasn't around or was busy. He would be uncomfortable if he didn't know Dorian's orientation. But instead, he was grateful that Dorian took the time to make sure Ellie was taken care of – even when she was too wrapped up in her own work to do so herself, and Solas wasn't able to. Bull was always inviting them to have a drink with him and the Chargers. Solas wasn't really affected by alcohol and didn't like the taste, so they politely declined, only really drinking when everyone got together for a large game of Wicked Grace.

"Have you noticed the way that Cullen looks at you?" Solas asked.

She looked above her mug, her tattoo moving with her eyebrow when she raised it, "No. I do not often have my eyes on Cullen in the war room."

"But anywhere else, you do?" He didn't sound jealous; just generally curious.

She shrugged, "I don't meet him outside of the war room…?"

"When you helped him stop the red lyrium from being moved around by the Templars."

"Oh. Well, that was business. I promise we had not actually done anything. I couldn't do that to you."

"I know you would not. I am just asking if you have noticed the look in his eyes."

"I haven't."

"He was upset that I was in the war room with you because he could not look freely," Solas said, "He thinks you are beautiful. As do I, vhenan."

"I…thank you," She blushed, "Don't be mad at Cullen, please. It would be…awkward."

"I am not upset. He has the right to look. I'd rather him do that than put his hands on you. Besides, you are so beautiful. I'd be more offended if he thought differently."

"Thank you," Her eyes watered as she yawned, "Let's go back to my room." He grabbed the pot of tea and helped her step down the ladder. She would've rather just jumped down, but that always worried him; the way she was so reckless. "You didn't answer my question," She said as she took his empty mug to the kitchen area. The cook thanked them and did a small bow when they entered.

"I am not sure I am comfortable with answering," He was quiet, staring down at the ground.

She understood. "You'll…have to leave soon, won't you?"

"I would rather think not of it right now," He rubbed his temples.

"Oh, there they are," One of the Orlesians in the throne room pointed at Solas and Ellie, "I've heard they've actually been quite…active lately."

"You and everyone else in Skyhold."

Solas sighed and shook his head, opening the door for Ellie as they both piled into the bedroom. He threw his furs over her shoulders. _I am an anchor, I will bring you down with me. _ Maybe that was too…harsh. He wasn't good at this. The Fade was easier to speak in. He was in his element there, he had the advantage. He could change the Fade to his will if something went wrong. If she could even control the Fade with her anchor, then he did not know how yet. But he respected her, and she deserved to know face-to-face.

But when she stared up at him, with her hands resting on his hips, he couldn't do it. She was so innocent. The Dread Wolf had taken an unexpecting victim. And she had taken him, too. He wondered how she had done it, how she had ensnared him so. In all of his years alive, in all of his travels, he had never been so taken before.

"Come dream with me," His voice held the thickness of sadness.

"I'd love to," She, too, was quiet as they locked their arms around each other, lying in bed. She knew this would end soon. It was hard for her to fall asleep. She kept thinking about Solas dodging the questions she asked, and how every little thing was pointing at Solas and the Dread Wolf. She wanted to ignore it, maybe it would go away. He wouldn't be able to leave her if she accepted him, right? She loved him, she would accept him as the Dread Wolf if need be. He wouldn't have to leave her, because she accepted him, she would help him do whatever he needed to do. They would be able to…do whatever it was he need to do faster with the two of them. She would be there for him.

"Are you having trouble falling asleep?" Solas asked.

"Yes."

"I can cast a sleeping spell."

"I…actually, I wanted to…talk to you," She tried to steady her voice, "I am not good at these sorts of things. I don't know what to say. Or how to say it. And…oh Maker, I'm crying. I'm sorry, this is stupid."

Solas reached down and grabbed her hand, pressing it against his cheek, "Ar lath ma, vhenan. Take all the time you need in the world to think of what you need to say. I love you. I truly do, and I do not want to lose you or harm you in any way. So if you feel like talking will help, I am willing. Until then, please get some sleep. You have been through some trials today, enough to tire even the Gods."

She smiled, though it did not reach her eyes. Her shimmering emeralds were even brighter against the pinks of her eyes, increasing getting darker the more she cried. He wiped a tear away with a calloused thumb and kissed her forehead.

"Shh," He pulled her head into his chest, "It will be alright. I'm here." His hand was knotted in her hair, and the other was wrapped around her, holding her to his chest. Their legs were intertwined and their feet crossed with each other's. Her hands were balled in his shirt against his chest.

The places where his hands touched her skin were warm. Warmer than the rest of his body. He kept whispering "shh, it's okay. Everything is fine. I'm here." And it took her only a few seconds to fall asleep.

The sky was white – no sun, no gray clouds, no blue skies. Just white. There were skeletons of trees – a graveyard of what was once a beautiful, lush forest. The ground was white as well, with speckles of brown grass that struggled to grow through the cracked ground, dotted with a few rocks every now and then. Her eyes took a second to adjust.

"Solas?" She asked, her breath coming out in a puff of smoke, "Are…are you here?" There was a low growl – a wolf. It shook the ground, the trees swayed, and the sky cracked, showing streaks of yellow. "Solas?" Her heart was beating fast, almost too fast, and she was afraid it would burst out of her chest. Another growl, followed by more cracking in the sky. She wasn't sure what was going on, and she didn't dare move in fear of the ground breaking as well.

"Ma vhenan," Solas's voice sounded warped, like he was speaking to her under water.

"So-Solas?"

"Calm down, or you will crash into the Nightmare, my heart," He said quietly.

"I'm okay. I just…can't see you. Are you in the trees?"

"I am everywhere."

"Okay? …But can you come here and talk to me? I'd like to at least see your face."

"I spent years here, locked up. With no way to leave, I had no way to take care of these woods. Now, they are gone…broken. The sky has been covered by sorrow."

"I'm sorry. I'll help you rebuild…if that's possible."

He appeared at the edge of the corpses of trees, a trail of black smoke curling behind him and disappearing. His eyes were wet with tears. Sorrow and regret. He regretted getting in too deep. Regretted that he would have to leave her. He regretted that it was too much for him to handle. And all of that regret brought sorrow. Pain he never thought he'd have to endure – Fen'Harel…and he was in love.

"I love you. I don't care who or what you are. I don't want you to leave. I'm coming with you, no matter where you go or what you do. I'll be there," She said keeping her shaking hands behind her back.

He walked towards her with such grace, that if she didn't know him outside of the Fade, she would've thought that he was just manipulating the magic around him to practically glide. But instead, he easily walked around her, with his hands behind his back and his chin in the air, looking down his nose at her. She was tiny. He liked it.

"You will get hurt."

"I don't care."

"I do."

"Please don't leave."

"I'm not. For as long as I can, I will stay with you."

"But…you'll have to leave eventually…"

"I will not lie. I will have to leave. I am not sure when."

"I don't want you to leave. Please? I want to be with you. For better or worse. I don't care if you're…"

"That is the question, isn't it?"

"Is it? You've all but told me."

"I wish not to scare you, nor to hurt you. I want to help you understand, help…me understand."

"What do I have to do?" She was eager to help – after all, it was always _him _teaching her, not the other way around. And she would do whatever it took to help him learn more about himself.

Where Solas stepped foot, the ground burst forth with colorful flowers and lush green grass, spreading throughout the entire forest every time he took a step. The trees became healthy and stood straighter; their leaves bursting into fall colors. She stood in awe for a few seconds, having to run towards him before he got too deep into the woods.

"This…is where you lived?" She asked.

"Yes. I spent…many years, in here. Asleep – in uthenera. I had not the power to awaken, nor to even upkeep the area."

"These woods are thick," She said quietly, "It's getting darker."

"Yes, but I am here. Do not be afraid, emma lath."

Even though he said those words, she _was_ afraid. She had no idea what he was capable of, especially in the Fade, where he was the strongest. She was afraid of him being Fen'Harel. He was, after all, a trickster God. Could she even believe anything he said?

He grabbed her hand and pulled her down into a sitting position with him. Off in the distance, the faint trickle of a stream could be heard, and the sounds of insects playing their midnight songs were becoming more and more prevalent. They laid down together, feet in opposite directions, lips to forehead. His eyes were closed, and she was watching his face, searching for something, anything.

"I am sorry to have kept this from you," He said.

"It's okay. I still love you. I told you that nothing would change that."

She felt him smile against her forehead, "I told you that it was you who deserved thanks, and not I."

"I just…I just want to know if you're serious with me. This isn't some sort of joke or trick? You aren't – "

"It is not. I, too, am in pain over this. I love you, and I will never be able to say it enough to cover even a fraction of what I feel about you."

"Your circumstances do not define you as a person," She said.

There was the crack of thunder – she jumped practically head-butting Solas. But he knew it was coming, along with the roiling black clouds that destroyed every sign of the sun in the forest. It turned pitch black, and Ellie went to scuttle backwards, but there was something…there. Something was preventing her from moving. Soft. Furs. Three red eyes.

She reached towards it, whispering Solas's name softly. There was another crack of thunder, and she immediately went towards the three red eyes, holding on to his fur, trying her best to hide under his mass in the pouring rain.

"I am not afraid," She said to him, "You do not frighten me."

He lie down beside her, taking up a lot more space than she thought he would. He more than covered her entire backside and wrapped around her feet and head. His fur was long enough that she could be lost in it, if she truly tried.

"You have nothing to fear with me," It sounded like she was trying to convince him, but she was trying to convince herself, too, "Your secret is safe with me. And it always will be."

He rubbed his muzzle against her hair, breathing in deeply. And then, just as soon as the storm had started, it stopped. There was no Dread Wolf – only Solas, and he wrapped his arms around her, shaking.

"Are you okay?" She asked. His body was never so shaken around her before.

"I am fine," his voice cracked, "Thank you for accepting me. For not being afraid. Ar lath ma, vhenan. Truly. I really, truly do."

She smiled, "I love you, too, emma lath."

He climbed on top of her, holding her arms down at her sides, kissing her face, her neck – her skin wet and cold from the storm. It made her scent that much stronger, it made him that much more attracted to her.

"If ever I make you uncomfortable, please tell me," he said as he continued to pull her shirt up, her pants down.

"No, I rather like it."

"I…haven't felt in control in years."

"Be my guest," She smiled, and he touched her everywhere his hands could reach, but she was restrained from touching him. That was how he felt his whole life – like he couldn't let anyone touch him. But he liked when she did. So, he let her go, and he liked when she gripped his shoulders for support, when she scratched his back from pure ecstasy, when she sunk her teeth into his neck and shoulders, leaving him with bruises for days. It was like he could feel her, tingling on his skin for days after.

When he finished, he rolled off of her and lie flesh with her backside, enjoying the scent of her still-wet hair, and the small moans she was still making for the next minute after they were done. He waited for her to purr, _"Oh, Dread Wolf, it gets better and better every time,"_ again, but he supposed that now that she knew, it would be a little bit strange.

"Can you…have kids?" She asked after a moment. If he could, they surely weren't preventing it from happening.

"I have known of Gods having children with mortals before, so I do not see it impossible."

"You seem biologically young enough."

He laughed, "I should hope so. Are you suggesting that we have children together, vhenan?" She curled into a ball, feeling as though Solas was scolding her even though his tone was light. She nodded, knowing that this wasn't the right time or the right place to be asking him, if she should even ask at all. "I would love to," he said sadly, "but…now is not really the time. Though, I suppose we have done nothing to prevent it so far."

"I just…I love you. I've never felt so strongly about anyone before, and hopefully, after we beat Corypheus and find what you're looking for, we can settle down and raise kids together. I…I sound stupid, don't I?"

"No. You do not. I would love to have children with you, vhenan. But…what I have to do, I must do alone. I do not want you to hurt."

"If you leave me to do whatever you're going to do, then it'll hurt. Probably worse than any physical pain that could be inflicted on me from battle. How will I know that you're okay? Or that you're not…dead?"

"I have not perished so far, and I am older than you think," He was quiet, "I do think we should be waking soon, my dear."

So, he was going to leave her. Poof, gone, just up and leave when Corypheus was dead. Because he _had_ to do whatever alone – He Who Hunts Alone, after all. Her throat got tight and her eyes stung with tears. His did, too, but he couldn't let her know…it would only hurt her that much more. They stood up, and Solas reached down to grab his clothes, and she tackled him to the ground, laying on top of him. She could see his eyes were red, that he was crying, but she was, too. She couldn't just let him hurt by himself, as much as he wanted to.

"Vhenan, please. We must –" She quieted him by putting her lips on his, her hands on either side of his face. They lie there, kissing and hugging, tingling with pleasure and moaning against each other's shoulders, softly rocking against one another. He was so gentle and sweet, so kind and caring. He knew what she wanted and when she wanted it. There was nothing that he wouldn't do for her, and she for him. It was bittersweet when they were done, and Solas insisted they really should wake up this time.

And they were back in the real world.

"Does…Fade sex count?" Ellie asked.

"You are the one who insisted Fade-tongue was a thing," He smiled.

"I just meant that like…"

"If you are wondering if you can conceive in the Fade, the answer is yes."

"How?"

"I suppose the easiest way to explain it would be like when you allow a spirit in the Fade to enter your body."

"Oh. Well. If now isn't the time, perhaps we should rethink –"

He placed his lips on hers, "vhenan, go summon your war council and let me know before you are ready to depart. Ma'arlath."

He watched as she climbed out of bed and slid into her armor, admiring every fluid movement she made with such grace and pristine; able to keep her balance as she stood up and put one shoe on. He admired every inch of her from afar, and when she caught him looking, his cheeks flushed a bright red color, his eyes darted to the floor.

"Ar lath ma, vhenan," She said as she left the room. He fell back in the bed, staring at the ceiling, and then running to get his paints so quickly, he almost forgot to put his clothes on.

* * *

><p><em>I'M SORRY IF MY ELVEN IS OFF. Ugh, it's so hard to learn because it's so vague. So anything <em>not_ taken from the game I had to try to translate myself._


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

When they arrived in the Arbor Wilds, they had to fight their way to the Temple of Mythal, where ancient elves had awoken from their slumber to protect the Well of Sorrows – the thing Corypheus was _actually_ after. Unlike the Eluvian that Morrigan originally believed.

"So I was wrong!" Morrigan snapped, "Does it please you?!"

"Not particularly," Ellie sneered.

A group of Red Templars ran past, blowing a hole in front of the temple wall and jumping down.

"Well, I assume that leads to the Well," Bull said, "Let's jump through!"

"We should respect their rituals," Morrigan said, "If we each do a ritual, we should be done in no time."

"Rituals?!" Bull boomed, "There's a hole. Fucking _jump into it."_

"I agree with the witch," Solas said, "I will help do the rituals."

"As will I. These are my people, after all."

"Maker preserve me!" Bull threw his hands up, "Always the hard way with you, Boss."

"Dorian. There are four rituals. Will you help us so we can get done faster?" Ellie asked.

He nodded and Morrigan led them to where the rituals take place. They had to do one exactly like it to enter the temple in the first place, so they all knew what to do, picked a puzzle and went to work.

"Of _course!"_ Ellie's grunts of frustration could be heard from across the temple, and a second later, the sound of her puzzle restarting, "I picked the hardest one! This was surely the Dread Wo – Maker's doing. The Maker did this, didn't He?"

Solas smiled from behind her, "Well, I do not believe Fen'Harel made this puzzle hard. Nor the Maker, most likely. The Maker is not named for _making_ puzzles."

Morrigan sighed, joining Bull at the sidelines, "And it seems as though the Inquisitor is not good at puzzles. Tis not hard!" She called out, "Get down from there. I shall do it for you."

"Good. Thank the Maker you came along, because I would rather jam an arrow through my skull than –"

"Done!" Morrigan jumped down with a smug smirk on her face, "The door should be opening."

The Red Templars stood in front of them, speaking to a man Solas identified as Abelas. He was above them, standing on a platform many feet up.

"We will preserve the vira'bellasan, or we will destroy it. Either way, it shall not be despoiled."

"No!" Morrigan shouted, "You cannot!" There was a puff of smoke from where she was standing, and her form burst into a raven, viciously flapping its wings to Abelas.

"Morrigan!" Ellie called after her, but it was no use.

"So…what now, Boss?" Bull asked.

"Gimme a boost. I'm going after them."

"Boost you up a _forty foot wall_?"

"It's only like…twenty."

"Inquisitor," Bull growled.

"Dread Wolf take me!" She threw her arms up in the air and made a disgusted noise, "Fine. We'll just go the long way around – "

Solas pointed to a hooded archer, "She said she will show us the way, provided we do not stray too far," He grabbed her arm and pulled her closer towards him. Low, and steady, he growled in her ear, "The first part can be arranged, my Goddess."

She felt her cheeks flare up, "O-oh. Oh my. Okay."

Solas grabbed Ellie's hand and gripped tight as they followed through the ancient temples. It felt like she was going to drift away if he let go. And he was going to have to let go soon.

Samson, Morrigan, and Abelas had reached the well by the time the rest of them had arrived, and they were doing everything they could to keep the Red Templars and Samson from getting to the well without outright killing him. Abelas shot an arrow straight at a Templar behind Samson. It sunk deep into his forehead, killing him instantly.

A blast of electricity surged through Samson from Morrigan's staff, and then through the rest of his men in a large chain. Bull went in swinging madly, and then led Samson unto an ice rune that Solas placed on the ground. Elliana poisoned her daggers and clambered onto Samson's back with her stealth activated, aiming to draw her dagger across his throat.

"Elliana!" Solas cried out, a spike of ice from ice staff heading straight towards her.

Morrigan extended her hand out, and time slowed for everyone on the battlefield. Ellie was barely able to move her face out of the way of the ice, but it cut across her back, slow and agonizing, freezing the blood where it was pouring from her body. Her shoulder blades were completely immobile, and when time caught up to them, her dagger was sticking out of Samson's throat and the ice spike was embedded into another Templar's head. She fell from his shoulders, passing out before she hit the ground.

"No! No! This cannot be!" Solas scrambled by her side, holding her head in his lap, "Give me a potion!" He held out his hand, "Quickly! She is still breathing!" He just _knew_ something bad would happen if he stuck around. He knew it.

Solas forced the potion down her throat and then quickly rolled her over on her stomach, coated in her blood. The potion did little to seal the wound or slow the blood that was quickly pouring from her back. He spread his hands across her back, sinking his cold fingers into her hot blood, willing himself to heal her, even if he had to take a part of him in doing so. His hands began glowing a soft green color, and the wound slowly started stitching itself together again.

"She's lost a lot of blood…" Dorian said, "You must be exhausted, Solas. Let me give it a go."

"I can do this on my own, Dorian!" Solas snapped, "I'm the one who did this to her, I will fix it myself," He sounded so defeated.

"I, too, will assist you in healing the Inquisitor," Morrigan kneeled down beside Solas, and pressed her hands on Ellie's left shoulder blade, while Dorian spread his hands along her right shoulder blade. It took a minute or two, but she made a soft groan. The ache of her back slammed into her so hard that it knocked the wind out of her.

"Vhenan," Solas put his bloody hand on the side of her face, "Ellie…" He was quiet.

"Solas," she smiled at him as though he didn't just impale her with a large icicle.

"Oh, Maker, she's okay!" Dorian exclaimed.

A tear dropped from Solas's eye, and splashed off of her forehead, "I am _so_ sorry, Vhenan." And then, in Elven, he said, _"I knew this would happen if I stayed."_

She shook her head, "I could've been anyone. I'm tired."

"You've lost a lot of blood," Bull said, "We're all just thankful you're okay."

"I hurt you –"

"Stop it," Dorian interrupted, "It was an accident. Could've been any one of us that did that to Ellie. Or to anyone else. I could've done it to Bull."

"And would you not worry yourself sick if that were the case?"

"Point taken."

"Help me up," Ellie tried reaching up for one of them, but the pain that shot through her shoulder blade was so intense that she dared not move her arm again. Solas grabbed her by her midriff and attempted to pull her on his back with Dorian's help. They looked up to see Abelas staring down at them, a fire in his eyes.

"Inquisitor, please," Morrigan begged, "Let it be I who drinks from the well."

"I said _no one_ is to drink from the well!" Abelas shouted.

"If tis not one of us, surely one of Corypheus's men will," Morrigan answered, "Inquisitor, I am best suited for the knowledge the Well holds. Please, let it be me."

"What about myself? Or Solas? The well holds the knowledge of the ancient _elves_. They are _my_ people. Solas's people. What makes you better suited than one of us?"

"_You_ are not one of us. I do not like being forced with an ultimatum… However, there is something noble about you…and your cause. You would use the powers of the Well to stop your enemy?"

"And fix the current situation of Thedas."

"Then we shall leave," Abelas said.

"You can just leave? Just like that?" Ellie asked.

"If you drink, our duty ends. Why remain?"

"Sorrow," Ellie said, and Bull raised an eyebrow, "Abelas means sorrow."

"Malas amelin ne halam, Abelas," Solas said as he left, "I told him that I hope he finds a new name."

"You'll note the intact Eluvian," Morrigan narrowed her eyes at Ellie, "I was not wrong on that count, at least."

"Is it still a threat? Can Corypheus still use it?"

"You remember how, when I took you through my Eluvian, that I said each required a key? Well, the well _is _the key. If I drink from it, the Eluvian will be nothing more than glass to Corypheus."

"I…"

"So, Inquisitor, has it been decided?" Morrigan asked, turning towards her and Solas.

Solas narrowed his eyes, and Ellie shook her head, "I…don't know."

"I would rather Ellie drink," Dorian said, "Sorry, Morrigan, but I don't know you that well, and I'm more inclined to say that the leader of the Inquisition should have the knowledge to fell Gods."

"Someone _has_ to drink!" Morrigan shouted.

Solas rolled his eyes, "It sounds like you just want the power of the well for yourself, witch!"

"And who would be better suited to wield such knowledge?!" She asked, "Inquisitor, please. I will only drink on your word."

"What about being bound to the will of Mythal?" Ellie asked.

Morrigan scoffed, "You think me afraid of some ancient Elven Goddess that probably did not exist in the first place?"

"I…used to think that too, Morrigan," Ellie squeezed at Solas's hand, and he kept his eyes straight ahead on Morrigan's. "Maybe we should leave the well alone."

"We need the power of the well. But, I do not agree with letting Morrigan have it."

"But if Corypheus finds the ancient elves to be gone and the well unguarded, do you think him capable of leaving the well and its powers alone? Tis better that we take this instead of him."

"I stand by my decision of Ellie drinking," Dorian said, and Bull agreed. "How do we know you won't run after you take advantage of this opportunity?"

"You'll have to trust me," She said, "Or the Inquisitor can drink, if she is so willing. I'd rather us than Corypheus."

"Solas?" Ellie turned her head on his shoulder.

He narrowed his eyes and his words were sharp, cutting deeper than they ever had before, "No. Do _not_ ask me again."

"I…" she felt like she was being scolded, "I just wanted to know what you think we should do."

"I do not want you bound to the will of Mythal."

Morrigan groaned, "Mythal is not real! Does not exist! I drink without fear, if you will allow it, Inquisitor. Ellie, I mean."

Ellie looked up lazily from Solas's shoulder, looking to Solas, and Morrigan, and back to Solas. They both stared at her, waiting for an answer. She nodded, "If you must," She said, and pushed her face back into the crook of Solas's neck. His scent was sweet – flowery. Sweat. Blood. It was such a strange mixture, but she loved it. It was something she would never forget.

Morrigan slowly lowered herself into the shallow pool, dunking her head completely under the surface and holding her breath or drinking…no one could tell which. They watched from the sidelines as the pool turned from amber to bright blue, the water rising in a large pillar around Morrigan. The pool exploded like shards of glass, turning the entire area bright white, so stunning it couldn't be seen.

She was muttering, mumbling to herself like a madwoman in the middle of the bone-dry pool. Solas reached a hand out to her, helping her up. Morrigan's eyes were large and dilated. They darted from Bull, to Dorian, and landed on Ellie. Her lips moved, but no sound came out.

"Are you okay?" Ellie raised an eyebrow, "You'll have to speak louder than a whisper."

Morrigan raised her voice, but it was jumbled – words running into words, incomplete sentences. No one understood her. Not that they had time to – Bull pointed up at the archway, just in time for everyone to see Corypheus stumble in. His eyes went wide at the site of the dried well, and he screamed, darting towards them.

"The Eluvian!" Morrigan shouted, and waved everyone through. Solas was last to enter, with Ellie still on his back. The re-entered Skyhold through the Eluvian there.

"Take me to the war table, valiant steed!" Ellie pointed forward.

"Valiant…steed?" Solas repeated, "You think me as only a ride in –" Bull snickered, and Solas immediately understood what he had said. "In any case, the war table can wait for you to heal."

"It'll only be a minute."

"It is never just a minute."

"We need to get out to the Storm Coast and check on Harding," Cullen said, putting his hands on his sword hilt, "She has been having trouble with bandits."

"But didn't we already stop bandits once before?" Ellie asked.

"Well, we believe their base of operations is in the woods along the coast. If you could find them and destroy them from the inside out, you'll be golden."

The Inquisitor rocked back on her heels, her eyelids drooping and her shoulders aching. Solas pulled up a chair and demanded she sit in it.

"It can wait until tomorrow, but these reports can't," Cullen put a stack of papers and inch thick in front of her, "We need a full report from you and Morrigan on the Well. We also need a report of the injuries you suffered."

"Surely this can –" Solas began to say, but he closed his mouth. He wasn't welcome in the war room, he remembered. Cullen wouldn't care his opinion.

"Go ahead, Solas," Josie said.

"Thank you. Surely this can wait until the morning? The Inquisitor has sustained some fairly major injuries."

Josephine looked to Cullen, who was looking at Solas. Solas was staring down at Ellie. Cullen nodded.

"Just…give me the paperwork," Ellie sighed, "I'm not tired, I'm just…exhausted."

"Vhenan," Solas said in a demanding tone.

"I'll be alright, emma lath. I'll do what I can do tonight and finish the rest tomorrow."

"Fine," He sighed, giving in when she called him her love. He grabbed the paperwork off of the table.

"So, Corypheus is finished? Leliana asked.

"No," Morrigan said.

"What do you mean? He has no stake in Val Royeaux, no Red Templars, no demon army. What is he going to do?" Cullen asked, "Spit on us?"

"He still has his dragon," Morrigan said, "However, his dragon is not an archdemon, as suspected. It has a piece of Corypheus himself. So as long as the dragon lives, Corypheus is seemingly immortal. Pride will certainly do you in,_ if_ you give it a chance," Her eyes landed on Solas.

"I certainly hope the Well gave you some insight as to how to beat the creature?" Solas asked.

"It did. It seems as though I can match the power of his dragon. All you have to do is keep Corypheus occupied."

"So he's not going to wait to rebuild his army?" Leliana asked.

"No. Tis what he expects us to think. We have bought time, nothing more," Morrigan stated, and then called to Ellie, "Inquisitor?"

"I think it is time we take our leave," Solas said, scooping the snoring Inquisitor out of her chair.

She didn't remember falling asleep, or even how she got to her room. But, when she sat down, she stared at the wall behind her bed – there was a beautiful painting of a pale elf with long, red, spring-curled hair blowing in the wind, armed with two daggers. Behind her, there was a colossal shadow that stretched up over her head. It had three red eyes and ended in a snout. Her chin was held high, as though she were prepared for any oncoming danger. Her and Fen'Harel would see it through.

"Oh, Maker. It's…beautiful," she gasped.

"Thank you," He said quietly, "You should be getting some rest."

"No. Well, I mean…it's still so early."

"You were gravely injured."

"How about we go for a walk?" She asked.

"A walk? Vhenan, you really should be going to bed."

"Please, emma lath?"

His eyes softened, "sure. I know just the place." He sounded…sad.

"Are you okay, Solas?"

"I am a bit worried about you."

"I'm fine."

"That isn't what I meant."

They were quiet for a few moments, the sound of rushing water from a waterfall keeping enough background noise as they walked hand in hand.

"I've been meaning to find a way to show you what you mean to me," He smiled at her, "I've two things for you. One, is the truth. The other is…" he patted his pockets, "Still in my room, it seems."

"In your room?" She asked, with a tilted smile, "Why not here?"

"I mean a physical gift."

"Isn't it still physical?"

"I…I suppose you are right. But no, that was not the gift I intended to give you."

"Okay, so the other gift, the truth? What's that about?"

"Have I ever told you of the vallaslin?"

"I don't believe so," She shook her head.

"Your marking," He said, referring to the skeleton of a tree tattooed on her forehead; dark green to match her eyes, "They…they were once used as slave markings."

"Oh. But…my clan said they were to honor the Gods."

"No, they aren't."

"You're sure?" She knew he wouldn't be wrong, but asking anyway put some portion of doubt in her heart.

"I am sorry," He apologized when he noticed her pouting, "I did not intend to hurt you. It was selfish of me."

"It isn't your fault. My clan lied…about a lot of things apparently."

"It was not just your clan. People lie. It is in our nature. The fear demon said your clan left you behind. Can I ask the reason?"

She shrugged, "My parents died when I was young, I didn't get along with anyone, and they felt me more dead weight than anything. I mostly just travelled from clan to clan."

"But Leliana's reports said your clan sent you to spy on the Conclave."

"The one I was currently staying at. I still use the name from my original clan. That's why I didn't have anyone contact them when they found me. I don't care where they are."

"That…must hurt. I am sorry."

"It doesn't," She shrugged again, "Like I said, I didn't get along with anyone, nor they with me. Besides, I was just a little girl back then."

"The markings must remind you of your old clan. If you'd like, I know a spell. I can remove the vallaslin."

"You think I should remove it?" She asked.

"I think you are perfect, with or without it. Those markings do not define you."

"Okay," She nodded, "I'd like that." Though she wasn't _actually _sure if she'd like it. The markings had been on her since she could remember – a little girl, kicking and screaming as they held her down to painfully tattoo the Goddess's marks on her – and they were a part of her. But she trusted Solas, and she believed him when he told her their origins. She didn't want to be associated with that part of her peoples' history.

He spread his hands out across her forehead and a gentle blue light emitted from them. He kept his eyes steady on hers. And his lips cured into a small smile. She loved looking at him; studying his features. The way his eyes squinted and the corner of his lips slightly bent upwards when he smiled at her. The way his face would glow when she called him 'vhenan' or 'emma lath.' The way he always seemed so at peace and in control of himself, even when she knew he wasn't. The scar above his right eyebrow, the flush of his skin after sex.

"Ar lasa mala revas. You are free. You are so beautiful," He whispered, "So perfect."

She blushed, leaning her head into his chest, "Thank you." She honestly did feel _lighter_ without the vallaslin.

He kissed the top of her head and began undoing one of her multiple braids. He stopped halfway through. "Keep going," She said, "My head's super itchy." But he didn't respond. She turned to see his eyes red and his cheeks stained with tears. "What's wrong?" She asked, knitting her eyebrows together.

His voice was soft. It kept cracking as though he were about to shatter into a million pieces, "Ar lath ma, vhenan."

"Ma'arlath."

"I just keep replaying our earlier encounter. How badly I had hurt you. If it were even an inch over, it –"

"Stop. I'm okay, and that's what matters."

"I am…dangerous."

"No, you aren't. No more than a brightly colored fruit," She said, taking his words from when they first met.

"Next time…"

"There won't be a next time. It was a fluke."

"I will just hurt you if I stay," The pain in his voice was palpable. She touched his cheek with her long, soft fingers, wiping away the tears and resting her forehead against his.

"I am fine."

"I have distracted you from your duties one too many times. It cannot continue to happen. I'm sorry. You mean the world to me, and I would rather you be disappointed in me than dead."

"No, wait…"

"I'm sorry."

"You can't leave yet. We still have to beat Corypheus. I want you to be there, with me." Her eyes stung.

"I _will_ be there," He was quiet, barely above a whisper, "But…I just…I cannot keep hurting you."

"What do you think you're doing?" She gulped past the lump in her throat, "What do you think you're doing by leaving?" She blinked to try to get rid of the tears, but all they did was fall faster.

Solas scrambled to stand up, "I…am truly sorry."

"I know," She said through sobs, her voice to thick he could barely understand her, "Please…don't leave. I said I accepted you. I said I'd help you. You love me. I love you. That's what we do – we help each other. You can't just walk away now."

"It is for the best."

"I fail to see how this helps anything."

"Trust me."

"I…can't do this. Not without you. You've seen even my dreams. You know places in me that I don't. You understand the deepest parts of me that even I can't. I fail to understand. Surely, we can work things out. Just tell me what's going on, and we can – "

"We can't. Please, Vhenan," He begged.

She narrowed her eyes at him, but the gesture was not intimidating from an elf smaller than him with crying eyes and a shaking lower lip, "Was this all just a game? Another of Fen'Harel's tricks?"

"It was not. I can assure you that Fen'Harel is not all about being the trickster he was labeled as."

"I suppose I should've known it was only a matter of time before you left. You _did_ tell me it would happen…I just thought…"

He reached a hand out to her, "Vhenan…"

"Please, just go back…to Skyhold." She had to stop herself from saying _home._ It certainly didn't feel like it now.

"Are you not returning?"

She remained silent, her knees hugged to her chest.

"Ellie, let us return home."

"I…I'd rather not. I can't. Not now."

"Should I stay with – "

"No. You can go."

"I am so sorry," his voice shook, and Ellie watched him from the corner of her eye as he stared at her for a few minutes, desperately holding back his tears before finally leaving her. He looked shocked. Broken. Sad. He hurt himself just as bad as he hurt her. She certainly felt different. She looked different. And now, she was alone, out in Crestwood somewhere with no weapons, and no sounds but the waterfalls, no signs of life, save the greenery that had taken over several statues. Returning was the last thing she wanted to do. Her room was practically his, too. He used half of her dresser for his clothing, several of his staffs were kept in the corner of the room, and the end table on his side of the bed was covered in artifacts, poultices, potions, his paints, his staff tips…

She didn't want to go back.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

As soon as Solas was out of the area, she stripped every article of clothing off and undid her hair. She ran her fingers through the tangled curls and clumps of blood. The air was cold and moist, thanks to the waterfall and the pond, but it was also…_humming_. Like Solas said, the veil was weak there. Her anchor thumped with the knowledge of it.

She lowered herself deep into the crystal clear pond, immediately regretting her decision. It was freezing cold, and she had no way of drying herself off. When the water hit her injured back, a shock of pain rocked her body, and she gritted her teeth. Lower and lower, until her head was just below the surface and she was sitting on the floor. She wondered how long she could hold her breath.

Solas all but kicked his bedroom door open, slamming it off of the wall. Several people in the tower and the throne room jumped, but he didn't care. He was too busy pacing the floor of his room. Why? Why did he think _now_ was the best time? She accepted him for what he was! He should've been grateful! While there were people that would've _killed_ him for even joking about being the Dread Wolf, she knew full well, and continued to love and support him. And then he just…threw her away?

_No. She'll get hurt,_ he reminded himself.

"_You came to help. I won't let them use that against you, Solas."_

He gasped, surprised at her words, "_And how would you stop them?"_

"_Any way I could,"_ she smiled.

And that's how he knew. Of course, it started when he was required to watch over her as she slept. He could see her in the Fade, wandering around as though it were brand new to her – thanks to the anchor for giving her control. The way she softly groaned when she encountered something in the Fade. She was so beautiful, even in her sleep, but something about what she said and how she said it, that had him hooked from that moment. He knew she was different, she wasn't _trying_ to stomp on others to make her own way. She was wrongly accused of the murder of the Divine, still worked with her accusers, and then she was marked as the Herald. Yet…she still claimed to be one of the people. _I'm just an ordinary person,_ she would say. _Call me Ellie. Not the Herald. Not the Inquisitor. Just Ellie. Or…Varric calls me Little Red and/or Riding Hood. Whichever is fine, I suppose._ She was different. He pounded his fists off of his desk.

Dorian looked down to see he was alone, "Oh thank the Maker! We thought maybe you and Ellie forgot that her room – "

"Shut up, Tevinter dog."

Dorian flinched back, "Solas…is something the matter? Where _is_ Ellie?"

"I…am sorry. That was unworthy of me. The Inquisitor should be returning sometime soon."

"From where?"

"Crestwood."

"So, she just went to Crestwood by herself?"

"No. We both went to Crestwood."

"Oooh, hot date?"

Solas sighed.

"So you just…left her? In Crestwood? Alone?" Dorian asked.

"She did not wish to return with me. What was I to do? Carry her?"

"You've been carrying her all night, I don't see the issue in carrying her back. Is something the matter?"

"It is a long story I wish to not bore you with."

"Okay….well, I suppose I'll venture out to Crestwood to fetch our dearest Inquisitor."

Solas was mad – it shouldn't have been Dorian who was going to get her. It should've been _him_. She knew this was coming..._no._ He wasn't going to blame her – he was done blaming other people for his mistakes. Besides, he knew it was coming, too, and he was still angry at it for happening – losing his composure and knocking the items from his desk. The sound of something metal clinked off of the floor, and he looked over the see the necklace he was supposed to give Ellie today. He imbued it with magic to let him know that she was okay, and he _forgot to give it to her. _ It was small and heart shaped, dark blue on a silver chain. He knew she'd love it. Maybe he could catch up with Dorian.

Her lips were blue by the time she decided to get out of the pond. Of course, with her body soaking wet, her clothes wouldn't go back on. She used her shirt to dry off as best she could, her hair freezing in the cold night. She tried to pull her clothes back on, only semi-successfully getting her underwear, bra, and undershirt on. She waited a few more minutes before pulling up her pants, struggling and slipping. It really wasn't a good idea, and she was still freezing.

"_The veil is thin here. Can you feel it against your skin, tingling?_" She held out her anchored hand and a small rift appeared in front of her. She hoped it didn't lead to the Nightmare, but she wagered anywhere was better than…wherever she was. Going back to Skyhold and facing everyone, their questions, their prying eyes…and Solas…it wasn't favorable.

With her clothes in hand, she jumped through the rift just in time for Dorian to round the corner. "Oh, Maker," He sighed. Solas caught up to him, panting.

"Is…that a fade rift?" He raised his eyebrow.

"Yes. One that your betrothed just jumped through, it appears."

"And you didn't stop her?!"

"I didn't catch her in time!"

There was something in Solas's eyes that Dorian was intensely terrified of. He held his hands up to the elf.

"We have to go in after her," Solas said, walking towards the rift.

"Maybe we should go get Bull?"

"There is no time! Either help me or walk away."

"I just have a feeling…"

Ellie was practically blind again – succumbed to the Nightmare once more. And, she had no mage to light a veil fire, and no way to see, other than with her hands and feet, awkwardly bumping into things. Her chattering teeth were the only noises heard except that of the splashing water she was desperately wading through. She put one foot in front of the other, and tapped the floor of the lake…or whatever she was in, until it suddenly ended, putting her at the edge of a forest. She felt through the dead trees with her hands outstretched, careful not to trip over any roots. She knew she wasn't out yet when she heard a low, deep growl, like that of a wolf.

"Solas?" She whipped around fast enough to make her head spin. His laugh was low and warped, sending shivers down her spine. "Solas?" She asked, quietly. It sounded like he was close enough to touch, but there was no response the second time around, save for another growl. She skittered backwards, and bumped something hard and concrete, almost losing her balance in the process. Her hands felt all around the object – a tombstone? Was it the same rift as before? No. It couldn't have been. She didn't remember wolves or woods or lakes.

"Ah! Solas, _so very_ nice of you to join us," A deep voice boomed overhead.

"Another fear demon," he sighed, "It appears as though we have been dragged into her Nightmare."

Ellie took the lit candle from beside the tombstone and held it up to read, _"Solas – dying alone." _ She was afraid _for_ him. Afraid that he would die alone. That she would fail him.

Three red eyes appeared behind the tombstone. The scent of blood was overwhelming. She dropped the candle, desperately trying to backpedal. The wolf opened his mouth, his breath hot on her face. Several hundred teeth in perfect, pointed rows stared back at her.

"Solas!" She screamed, "I…I told you that I am _not_ afraid of you! What are you doing?!"

They could hear her muffled voice past the edge of the forest – they were getting close now.

"_You_ are in her Nightmare?" Dorian asked.

"It appears so," He lowered his eyes.

Ellie had backpedaled into a pond on the outskirts of the woods. Falling deep down into what seemed like never ending water and blackness. Solas and Dorian heard the splash and followed the sound. Those three red eyes continued to stare her down from above the surface. It was the only thing she could see as she continued her descent, landing softly at the bottom. The lake was surprisingly warm compared to earlier – or she was already cold and couldn't feel it.

"It sounded like she fell in the water. Maker, it's so dark down there," Dorian shuddered, but the demon that appeared as Fen'Harel to Ellie, was now Ellie to Solas.

"I am unafraid, demon. You are not Elliana," Solas said, holding his hands behind his back.

"I'll get her," Dorian jumped in the water.

"Vhenan," it said, its voice sounding remotely like Ellie's, layered with a deeper tone as well, "Ma'arlath, emma lath."

Solas stood stonily, his chin high, not bothering to waver or show the demon any sort of weakness. That was what it wanted, after all.

"Oh come now, vhenan. You don't love me? I'm sure Cullen would," She flashed a smirk and flicked her eyebrows, "And if Cullen wouldn't, someone else would eventually. After all, _you're_ the one who left. I'm free reign now."

"Stop, demon. You are not Elliana."

"I look like her. I sound like her. I know your deepest fears of her. How am I not her? That is why I am in this form, is it not?" The demon placed a dagger in Solas's hand, but he let it drop to the ground, just as Dorian broke surface with Ellie.

"Do it," The demon whispered, "You've always wanted control. Over me. Over your life. You want me for yourself, and you'll kill for it. Perhaps I'm the one that has to die to make that happen."

"You are not her."

The demon took the dagger and sliced it across its own throat. That version of Ellie fell to the ground, and a fear demon burst from her corpse. Solas didn't have time to be afraid or surprised, for it launched at the real Ellie almost before Solas could put a barrier over her.

"Maker!" Dorian yelled, shielding Ellie by turning his back towards the demon.

"Leave her alone," Solas growled.

"You fear losing her, yet it is _you_ who gave her up, Fen'Harel!" It barked at him, swiping a claw downwards. It clashed off of the barrier, and Solas relentlessly pelted icicles at it. Dorian helped as best he could from the sidelines, throwing fireballs with great precision, for having a wet, passed out girl on his lap.

"You will _never_ be anything more than your namesake!" It screeched, "You chose Solas – "pride" – and for what?! What have you to be proud of?! All of your tricks are see-through! Even though you _claim_ them to not be tricks at all, you still end up ruining _someone's_ life! Your own, your love's, the Gods'. You have no reason to call yourself _Solas_."

"Shut up!" Solas yelled, louder than Dorian had ever heard.

"Do I make you angry, harellan? I'm not an anger demon. Maybe I should cut the girl's throat this time, instead of a doppelganger's!" It lunged at Ellie, but landed in an ice rune, being impaled and stuck to the ground with multiple icicles. Solas used the dagger on the end of his staff to repeatedly drive through the demon's head.

"Let us be rid of this place," He said.

"The demon said…you left Ellie?" Dorian asked, hauling her over his shoulder.

"I did."

"Why?"

"It is…complicated and long winded. I do not wish to discuss it at the moment. How is she?"

"Fine, just passed out. Who knows how long she was breathing in water. But she has a pulse, so that counts for something, right?"

"Dorian," He warned.

"I'm kidding. I've healed her. She's fine. So much excitement in one day, though. Why do you care? You left her."

"That does not mean I no longer care, Dorian. Here, let me put this on her. It is an amulet that I imbued with magic. It will let me know she's safe when the time comes for me to depart."

"She looks different…like her eyebrows…Maker, her tattoo is gone."

Dorian stood still as Solas clasped the necklace around her neck, and they headed towards the rift they came in.

"It was not a tattoo. It was a slave marking."

"Maker, she was a slave?"

"No. It is not quite that simply, I fear."

"Oh. Well, I just don't get it," He said, "You two…love each other more than any other two people I know. Where are you going? And why leave Ellie to go there?"

"Trust me. It is very complicated, as I explained. I love her. I will continue to visit her in the Fade, if she allows it. But where I am going, she cannot follow."

"Does this have anything to do with the demon mentioning Fen'Harel? He was an elven trickster God, was he not?"

"He was."

"So why reference him when talking to you?"

"Apparently, the demon thinks me some sort of trickster. Every time I have tried to accomplish something worthwhile, it backfires entirely, leaving me or the people with nothing. It makes me look like a fool – a trickster. And so, that's what the demon was referring to."

"Like what?"

"When I was younger, I found it funny to cry wolf, so to speak, to my village. I led them straight to a massacre. But I was but a small child, I had no idea the consequences of my actions."

Dorian grunted, "But why are you leaving?"

"Ellie knows the situation. She…can tell you if she so desires after I leave."

"That all seems very shady. No wonder she didn't want to go back. Even _I'm _bummed out by the situation."

"But to recklessly jump into the Fade? With no prior training? She…could've killed herself."

"Maybe hanging out with demons who show her fears is better than hanging out with an elf that shows her fears in front of the entire Inquisition." Dorian's words stung, "One of her fears was you leaving her, after all."

"I know."

"I'll put her to bed, I suppose," Dorian said as he struggle to open her door, "Just…try not to hurt her anymore, okay?"

Solas wasn't sure what he meant, or what he was trying to imply. The hurt had already been done, and for it to be undone would take quite a while. Even if he were to pretend things were magically okay again, she would have trouble trusting him. Of course she still loved him, and he still loved her, but trust was a whole other issue. Hell, he wasn't even sure he could trust himself.

Dorian set Ellie down on the couch, taking her wet clothes off and trying to get her into at least a robe. Something warmer than her freezing, water-logged clothing. Getting her out of the clothing was a lot easier than into, and he sighed loudly when he heard her door open at the bottom of the steps.

"Uh, hang on," He called down, "She's a bit…naked. I'm trying to get her," he grunted, "into something that _isn't_ – Maker, this is hard – wet and cold."

"It is alright, Dorian. I can take over from here," Solas whispered, putting his hand on Dorian's shoulder, "I am sorry about all of those things I said to you today. I appreciate your help."

"I wasn't doing it for you. I was doing it for Ellie."

Solas nodded. He knew he deserved Dorian's verbal punishments, but he wasn't about to let Dorian be the one to clean up his mess. Maybe it made him jealous. Maybe it made him realize that she didn't need to rely on him alone. Which still made him jealous.

He placed her in her robe with ease compared to the struggle Dorian was having, and set her in her bed, on the right side, tucking her in as best he could. When he rounded the bed to his side, he noticed her eyes were wide, red-brimmed. He stopped mid-step, looking down at her. It looked almost surreal, with her crown of frizzy red hair over her small, heart-shaped, pale face. The tips of her ears were barely visible through the mess of locks, and her cheeks were bright red. He thought maybe he was dreaming, after she didn't say anything. In reality, she was hoping he would just lie down with her, no questions asked. At least give her one more night of peace, lying in his arms until she fell asleep. Who knows when she would feel that comfort again?

He sat down, awkwardly, with his back towards her. They didn't know what to say or how to say it, and she didn't want to seem desperate by begging continually, like she did earlier. He didn't want to tell her that he missed her, regretted breaking it off, because they would both take that as a sign they were back together, and what would he do when he had to leave? He wouldn't be able to. Not again.

Lying down beside her, he pulled the amulet from her robe, and she took it in her fingers, carefully tracing the contours. He explained what it did and that he wanted her to wear it. She would be safer that way. Just like he thought, she said she loved it; it was beautiful.

"I am not how the tales depict me," He was quiet. She nodded. That much she already knew. It wasn't hard to tell with him, and the way he had given himself to her entirely so easily. He smoothed the hair from her face, "I…if you will allow it, I will still visit in the Fade."

"I don't know..." her voice cracked with the pain that was breaking her, "I know I said it counted before, but we were together outside of the Fade, too. I'd have to be asleep at all times."

"It was selfish of me to ask."

"No, it wasn't. I'll think on it. Every waking moment will hurt, but at least I'll be able to see you in my dreams as we once were. But…I'll be inclined to sleep all day, and the times we're awake together will feel…fake."

"It is a lot to think on. You should get some rest."

"I should, shouldn't I?" She sighed, "My body hurts. Everything aches, even my hair follicles, but…after the Nightmare tonight, I have no want for sleep."

"Why did you open a Fade rift?"

"I just…didn't want to come back to Skyhold. I remembered you saying that the veil was thin. I figured maybe it would've…I don't know. Taken me back to the place…where you slept."

"Why do you want to go back there?"

She was quiet. He knew why, he just wanted to hear her say why. To hear the words from her, awake, not in the Fade. One last time. _Just say the words,_ he was repeating over and over again in his head, practically shouting them. It didn't matter how loud he was, she couldn't hear it.

"It's you," She whispered, "The place is you. It's alive because of you. Ma'arlath. I love you. I guess it doesn't matter how much I say it, or in what language I say it in, it doesn't change the future. I'm just upset it had to be this way. Maybe, in another –"

He gave her a peck on the lips, quick and sweet, just long enough to get her to stop talking, _"I can tell you a story about how the sun loved the moon so much that he died every night just to let her breath."_

"Where…" she was in tears, "Where did you hear that?"

"In an old book in the library. I will show you when you wake up."

"But…I am not asleep yet," she gave him a lazy smile.

"You will be soon enough," He reached out to touch her with a glowing hand.

"NO!" She started giggling, "Stop!" She jumped up, flailing as she crashed on the floor, "HEY, who forgot to put panties on me? Did _I_ forget?"

Solas's cheeks burned, "I had honestly not thought of the current state of your underwear." Ellie quickly stood up and dashed down the steps, "Elliana! Get back in bed right now!" But the door slammed shut. He wondered what he was going to do with her, and more specifically, _how_ she had so much energy after the wounds she had sustained.

"Have you seen Elliana?" He asked a noble as he passed, whispering furiously and pointing towards him.

"I think she just went into your room, sir," He said in a thick accent. _Sir._

He opened the door and barely got the first syllable out of his mouth before he noticed that she was standing in the library, her frizzy hair the brightest thing in the dark area. If he wasn't mistaken, she seemed to be talking to someone…or something. The ravens. Maybe she was hallucinating. He didn't doubt it after what had happened today – the Nightmare, the injuries she sustained, the amount of healing magic and potions she endured, and what little sleep she had been getting.

"Ellie, are you –" Solas was interrupted by her _and_ Dorian squawking back at Leliana's ravens, "Are…you serious?"

Bull was sitting in the corner, reading a book on the Ben-Hassrath that one of Leliana's people found for him. He nodded, stretching, "Dorian does it when he gets fed up with the ravens. Ellie just came up here to join in on the fun, I suppose."

"Well we were just talking about the library, and – "

"Hey, Boss," He called to Ellie, "Is Solas bothering you? Dorian told me about what happened, and I'm not so sure I'm comfortable with you following her around half-naked in the middle of the night."

"No, Bull, it's fine," Ellie said, "We were just talking about the library, and I wanted to come up here to read some poem books. I figured maybe Solas could show me where he found this one poem."

"Be my guest," Bull set his book down on the table behind him and stood up, "Dorian and I were just getting to bed."

The seat which was no longer occupied, was big enough for both Solas and Ellie to sit in comfortably as Solas grabbed the poem book and Ellie grabbed an old book on Fen'Harel. When they switched books, he stared at the cover for a second or two, wanting to ask her if she was serious. But these were the tales that every elf had grown up on. The book held every single piece of information about what he was supposedly like, and of course he knew the stories – how hadn't he? But he knew their Keepers would tell them different stories depending on where they were and what they were like. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to get to know himself after all.

Ellie had found the sun and moon poem that Solas quoted earlier, and fell asleep no sooner, softly snoring on his shoulder. He pulled the old throw blanket from the top of the chair and draped it over her softly, trying not to move the shoulder she was lying on too much. After making sure she was comfortable, he opened the book and started reading, _The Dalish tell their dogs, 'take the Dread Wolf by the ear!'_

He didn't get too far before Ellie jerked violently, almost knocking the book out of his hands. His chest was freezing where her amulet sat against her own – she was…afraid? That's what cold meant. Fear. She must've fallen into another Nightmare. He removed the book from her hands and shook her awake. Her eyes barely stayed open, but she was awake enough to not be pulled back into the Fade.

He was certain that she had the power to subconsciously control her own bouts in the Fade, just as he could, even though she was not so gifted in magic. It had to be the anchor. Maybe, if they knew more about it, they could figure out exactly _how_ she could use that to her advantage.

Back in her room, Solas barely laid her on the bed before she was back up again, rubbing her eyes and sitting in her desk chair.

"Can you please make me a pot of tea?" She asked.

"Vhenan, you really need to get back to –"

"I know," she pulled her hair back into a ponytail, "I'll try, but I have paperwork to do, and…" She stopped. They weren't together anymore. She had no reason to explain herself to him or answer to him at all. In fact, she didn't need to rely on him, or anyone else. She would go get her own tea, do her reports, and sleep if she could. It was the last thing on her mind since the Nightmare was not a thing she planned on revisiting.

When she stood up to grab her own tea, she stumbled, Solas putting out a firm hand to make sure she was okay. She rubbed her eyes and yawned, activating stealth to go get Cole. Cole liked midnight raids of the pantry and kitchen area, and he was so precious she didn't want to leave him behind.

"You should at least put shoes on," Solas called out to her, but he knew she was already gone, "You are going to end up sick…" He said to himself.

Cole liked to sit at a table on the tavern's second floor. He didn't want or need for a room since he didn't – couldn't, rather – sleep. As soon as he saw Ellie, he knew the precise reason she was there – but he couldn't help himself from the words that came from his mouth.

"Ar lasa mala revas. You are so beautiful. You are perfect. Gone, but still here. He turns away, and you know why, yet do not understand." Solas appeared behind Ellie, and Cole's eyes briefly flickered towards him, "It is a pain, from long ago. They hurt, as well as you do, but for different reasons."

"Cole," Solas said in a warning tone.

"She thinks it's because of her."

"I know. Do not worry of us, Cole. This isn't a pain that heals overnight."

"I am sorry. Are you here to get cheese?" Cole asked Ellie.

Solas draped her throw blanket around her again before turning to leave, "Should I wait up for you?"

"She wants to tell you not to, but she is afraid of the repercussions."

"Cole –"

"If she tells you no, she is afraid that you'll go back to your own room and not hers. If you stay awake, she is afraid she'll fall asleep and that could mean nightmares. If she tells you to stay, she looks too desperate and – "

Ellie looked down at the ground awkwardly. She didn't think Solas was going to follow her to see Cole, and she _knew_ Cole was going to say something, but she had hoped Solas was gone before that.

"I suppose I will keep that in mind. Thank you, Cole." And with that, Solas was gone.

"You frighten him," Cole said.

"Wha – how?"

"He is afraid that you will get hurt, or hurt yourself. He is afraid someone else will come to take you away from him. He is afraid you will forget him."

* * *

><p><em>The sun and the moon poem I found on <em>


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

Solas was beginning to worry after Cole and Elliana had not returned for over an hour. He left the room to see that everyone was taking place at a large table, just getting prepared to play a game of Wicked Grace.

"I am not familiar with this game," he heard Ellie say, "But I'll give it a go."

He sat in front of her bedroom door for hours and listened over, and over, and over again as Josephine continually won each game. Varric said that he thought Cullen and Josephine should go one on one, and for whatever reason, Cullen easily took Varric's bait. Ellie jumped up and down, clapping excitedly, her words slurred.

They walked over to the table across from Josephine and Cullen, taking a seat by the fireplace. Blackwall slammed a mug of ale down in front of Ellie, "Drink up, tiny thing." She stared at it for a few seconds, her head swimming, but she nodded and gulped it down, the liquid she couldn't fit in her mouth was eagerly soaked by her robes.

"Damn, I didn't think she was actually going to do it!" Blackwall let out a hearty laugh, "You have more tolerance than I give your tiny body room for!" Solas rolled his eyes – there were so many hungry eyes staring at her, and he wasn't one of them.

"I bet – I bet…wait. Waitwaitwaitwaitwait. I bet, I can…beat you in an, in an arm wrestling contest," Ellie slurred.

"Ha! Now that's a good one! I'll get us some more ale. The loser drinks for two."

"You're on."

Blackwall sat across from her, putting his arm on the table and clasping his hand with the Inquisitor's.

"I don't know if I'd do that, Blackwall," Iron Bull warned.

"Why not? You think her little noodle arm –" The back of his hand slammed off the table. "W-wait! I wasn't paying attention. Best two out of three?"

Iron Bull and Dorian laughed from behind him, "I told you not to! She carried me to camp once when I wounded my leg!" And she put his arm down every time. He kept asking for retries, but eventually Varric called it a match, with Ellie as the winner. She drank her own mug of ale, anyways.

Bull raised his eyebrows, "She can put 'em down, at least."

"What did I tell you about Chuckles, Little Red?" Varric asked quietly as he took a seat beside her. No doubt that was why she was _actually_ drinking. Not like she had before.

"Uh, you…you said that he…was – was, uhm. He's a bad man. A baddie," Ellie and Sera giggled, and Cassandra brought over what looked like a pot of tea.

"Well, those weren't my exact words," Varric shrugged, "But you get what I said. I don't wanna say 'I told you so,' especially when I know you're upset…"

Blackwall took a seat beside them, and they watched as Cullen continually stripped off clothing, losing after each hand he played. The Warden let out a chuckle, and then turned to Ellie, "I don't know much about Solas, but I do know that he's seen some stuff. We all have. He just needs space, that's all. He didn't mean to hurt you. Well, I guess he _did_, but it wasn't like he didn't hurt himself, too."

"I know," her eyes were shimmering, and Cullen took the moment of distraction while everyone doted over the Inquisitor to bolt out of the room, butt naked.

"Thank you, guys," She said quietly, "We…we did the talking thing, and – and we knew…knew it would – would happen. I was…just – just shtupid to…keep…keep i-it going, that's all…" She slurred, making more sense than any of them thought she would.

"We should really get her to her room," Blackwall said, and Varric nodded.

"Do not worry yourselves, I'll take her," Solas said, and everyone stopped what they were doing to look at him.

"Oh, look, elfy decided to make an appearance!" Sera shouted, suddenly angered by his presence, "You only wanted another elf, and she was _just _elfy enough to do the do with, right?! So you take the only elfy elf in the whole damn place, and ya fuck her a few times, right? Who cares if she's got a feeling or two, _oh, I love you, let me put it in you,_" She made kissy noises, "and then you decide that maybe, just maybe you're gettin' in a little too deep for your own liking, and bam! Ya send her on her way, broken and alone. But it _had_ to be the Inquisitor, 'cause she's an elfy elf. It makes the whole sex thing more charming, right?"

"It wasn't like that at all. Please, just let me take her to her room."

"Then what was it like?" Cassandra asked, "Because to us, that's exactly how it seems. We could barely tell you two even had a relationship out of all of the…Maker knows."

"Sex," Sera said, "She means sex."

"Thank you, Sera, I know what she meant. Now, unless one of you intends to take the Inquisitor to her room, I suppose I will."

"No," Cassandra said, sweeping the small, drunken elf up into her arms, "I will take her to bed. She is too drunk and nearly naked. I am uncomfortable with even the thought of – "

"We all are, Cass. Just take her to bed," Bull said, his eyes locking onto Solas's.

Solas hung his head and closed his eyes. He supposed he should've known this would've happened, had he left her. Then again, it really wasn't any of their concern what they did and did not do together. Cassandra took Ellie to her room, and she sat her down on the edge of the bed, followed by Solas.

"Leave her alone, Solas. I will not ask again."

"It's alright, Cassie," Ellie said, thanking and dismissing her. Cassandra made a mental note to tell the Inquisitor when she was sober that her name wasn't 'Cassie.'

"I am not comfortable with you drinking because of this."

"You…just ma-made an ass…assumption," She giggled at the word 'ass.'

"Elliana, just drink some tea, and get into bed. We will further this discussion later."

"You're not my…my real dad!"

He sighed, "I am going to sit here, on this couch until you fall asleep. Then, I will make sure you do not succumb to the Nightmare before returning to my own room for the night."

"Whatever floats your canoe, bu-buddy."

"I…think it is supposed to be _boat_, not canoe. So it rhymes."

"Ha, that's neat. It rhymes."

"Go to bed," he grunted, grabbing her from the desk and setting her in bed.

She laid back and kicked her feet out, hitting him in the shin. Her robe fell open, and he could feel his cheeks get hot as he hurriedly looked away, stammering out an apology in whispers. He wasn't sure if she was asleep or just too drunk to move herself, so he positioned her on her side of the bed, and watched from the couch as she snored softly, answering his question. It was about time she got some sleep.

He was able to find her easily enough in the Fade, but keeping her from falling into the Nightmare was more exhausting than probably just staying awake the whole night. At first, she wanted him to be near her, to hold her and comfort her. She liked when he played with her hair, and the tingling feeling on her skin after he touched her – his fingers barely brushing against her cheekbone, his knuckles against her neck as he braided her hair, his hands on her back as he smoothed her hair out. It felt like small shocks of static electricity. It was wonderful.

Then, she would push him away, and run into the dark forest, as deep as she could go. He would find her lying beside the pond in the center, or trying to climb a tree, crying and yelling for mercy as though she were currently at the clutches of the wolf.

"Why have you been acting so strange lately?" He asked.

"I…I don't know. I want to stay, I want to leave. I want to love you, I want to stop. I want to stay awake, I want to sleep for years."

"Sleeping for years is not quite as fun as it may sound."

She scratched her ear, untangling her earrings from her hair while perched on a branch. Looking down at him, she could see how small he was compared to the forest. And that made her that much smaller. She was so small, and then all of a sudden, she was much larger than she would've ever guessed possible. Of course, not in the Fade, but out in the real world, out where she wanted to escape from. She went from no one, a small elven rogue out on her own, to being the Herald, the Inquisitor, and sleeping with an ancient elven God. In that order.

"I can't read your mind in the Fade. You'll have to tell me what you want," Solas said desperately.

"I…just want to sleep," She said quietly, "No demons. No danger. Nothingness. A black, peaceful sleep so deep that I'm unaware that I'm actually sleeping. I feel so…I don't know how to describe it.

"I know. I know exactly what you are feeling."

"How do I stop?"

"When I first awoke, for years, I was lost. I was searching for something, _anything_ to make me feel alive…to make me feel _human_ again. I only first found it when I met you; when they made me watch over you. Ever since then…things have been different. You have made everything different."

She hopped down from the tree branch before he had time to react, but she didn't seem hurt. He was always amazed at how high she could jump from, but it scared the hell out of him. She stood in front of him, her forehead to his chin. He kissed the top of her head and sighed.

"I…" He sighed again, "I am unsure."

"Me, too," She went to wrap her arms around his waist, but she blanched back. Instead, he set his hands on her hips and rested his chin on the top of her head.

"I do still very much love you. I would like to stay with you. And when this is over, when everything is done that needs to be done, I will come back to you."

She supposed that his words did ease the pain, a lot more than she expected them to. They could be empty lies. They could be the truth. She had no way of knowing, and if she asked, of course he would say it was the truth, but it didn't matter. Only time would tell.

"How…You don't age, do you?"

"Very slowly."

"So what happens when I am older and you…are not?"

"Only time will tell, I suppose."

"And if we have children, what of them?"

"They will be half of me, half of you. Is that not how it works?"

"You know what I mean."

"I gave you an answer," He smiled down at her, the tug of the corner of his lips enough to make her mirror his smile, "And while you're in a good mood, I suppose I shall tell you – "

"_Inquisitor! Ugh, they've been asleep for half a day now!" _Varric's voice was deep and…watery. Like he was gargling a mouthful of ale or something.

She sat up, rubbing her eyes with her knuckles and trying desperately to keep them from closing again. Solas was quiet, sitting with his head in his hands on the couch across from her bed. The three of them sat in silence for a minute or two.

"You should have let her continue her slumber, Varric," Solas said, "She has been having nightmares."

"Why?" Varric said, "Isn't it a little unusual to have nightmares every time you sleep?"

"What would_ you_ know of dreams and nightmares, Child of the Stone?" Solas asked.

"She's been having nightmares, and our resident Fade expert can't give me a reason?" Varric asked.

"We know why, Varric," Ellie rubbed her forehead, "Please, just drop it. I am not some…child who needs parental guidance."

"You're easily the youngest here. Think of all of us as your parents."

"Ah, so I have _how many_ moms and dads?"

"Enough to make up for the ones you _didn't_ have when you were younger."

"Ouch. I don't know whether to take that as a compliment or an insult."

"Whichever is fine for me," Varric laughed, elbowing her in the side, "I'm just trying to cheer you up, Inquisitor."

"Reminding me that everyone I have once loved has left me is not necessarily helping," She said with a fake smile plastered on her face.

"Oh shit, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking about – shit."

"It's okay," Ellie was quiet, "It happens, I guess."

Varric left, apologizing for disturbing her. He said that he would get some people down to the Storm Coast to look for the bandits everyone was talking about. As long as the Inquisitor took the day to rest, he wouldn't mind "doing her work for her."

Once Solas left the room, Cassandra appeared. "There is need for you at the war table," She said, "Something about Clan Lavellan."

Ellie scoffed, "I have no idea what they'd want with me now."

"No doubt they have heard of you as both the Herald and the head of the Inquisition. Now they want your protection."

"I don't want to protect them."

"I know they left, but –"

"Please, Cassandra. Not right now, okay?"

"Are you alright? After how much ale you put down last night…"

"I don't know."

"Should I let the advisors know you're not feeling well?"

"Please," She said as Cassandra headed down the steps, "Hey, Cassandra? Thanks. For last night. For believing me when we first met. And for not having Solas executed as an Apostate when you first met him. I…I am grateful for everything you have done for me."

She smiled, a rare sight for Cassandra, and gave a small nod as she left the room. Ellie sat down and did her paperwork, having a hard time discerning the events of the day before through the haze of a hangover and everything that happened. She described, as best she could, the fight with Samson, how she used Dagna's rune to destroy his armor, how a projectile from Solas's magic had injured her, how she had passed out. Then, the Well of Sorrows, which she described what Morrigan had told her, and made a note that Morrigan's report on the effects of the Well was hopefully more in depth than her own.

Dorian called up from the steps, "Ellie! Cassandra said you aren't feeling well, so I brought you up something to eat. And drink. You're probably hung-over, aren't you?"

"Yes. And I'm dressed, so feel free to – "

He was standing behind her, "Dear, I've seen you naked. Believe it or not, lady parts do not disgust me so."

"Saw me naked? When?"

"When I brought you back from the falls last night. You were soaking wet and freezing. I got the clothes off of you, but I couldn't get them back on you. Thank goodness your lover was keeping a watchful eye on my every movement, because he's the one who actually dressed you."

Her cheeks were hot, "Who _didn't _see me naked last night?"

"It was just us two. Not like we paraded you around in front of the masses. Anyways, I brought you some Tevinter tea, and these little…cake things. Solas mentioned you liked the strawberry ones, and one of the Orlesians in the throne room made them for you. Nice gesture, I suppose. Everyone knows about you and Apostate-hobo, so they're down there making a _huge_ fuss. Most of it is about who wants to bone you next, though. You should've seen the look on his face when they started debating that."

She tried to smile, taking the little cake and dipping it into the tea – made with milk and sugar. It had to have been Solas who made up the tray and sent Dorian up here with it. The cakes tasted like the night at the winter Palace, when things weren't so complicated. Before she knew about Fen'Harel. Before the Fade was haunting her every turn. It made her tired.

"If you'd like, Bull and I can stay with you to make sure you're okay," Dorian suggested.

"I'd like that."

Dorian and Bull didn't come by right away, which was fine by her, but the constant barrage of people made her feel as though she were working anyways. Cullen came in once, to make sure she was okay after Cassandra said she was sick. "You're looking rather pale," He said to her. And she said, "I'm always rather pale." That was pretty much the extent of their conversation. He stood there awkwardly for a moment or two and asked if she needed anything. "Maybe some more pastries," She said, looking at her empty tray, "And tea." He nodded, and Sera was the one to bring it up to her.

"I know you're probably expecting an apology about what I said to Elfy last night," She started, clattering the tray down beside her, "Well, ya aren't gettin' one, okay? I meant what I said, and I said what I meant, right? Should I apologize for it?"

"I never said I wanted an apology, Sera."

"Okay, good. Now that we're off that subject…are you okay?"

"Yeah. Thanks for asking. Why does everyone think I'm going to like…jump off a bridge or something?"

"Well you were poundin' back last night. That's the problem, innit? Everyone was worried about you drinking so much last night. Any other time it's like 'no, I can't drink, gotta spend time with Elfy.' And then, all of the sudden, you're guzzling 'em down. So yeah, we're a bit worried."

"I appreciate your concerns, Sera. I'm okay, though."

Cole visited, bringing her cheese. That was always his favorite thing to grab from the kitchen, and he usually didn't share, making everyone else get their own cheese. Varric came in, telling her that the bandits were dealt with. Even Vivienne stopped by, though they didn't get along well. Everyone in Skyhold, it seemed…except for the one person she wanted to come by. When Dorian and Iron Bull finally decided to come back, she was in the bathroom in her room, soaking in the hottest water she could stand. She softly sang an old elven song to herself, Dorian and Bull listening outside for the duration of the song. They weren't sure what it was about, but she sounded sad, even if she didn't have the world's greatest singing voice. When she emerged, they were sitting together on her couch, staring expectantly at her.

"Can you just…make sure I don't have any nightmares?" She asked, "Last night was the first night I had any real sleep in a while, and I…I just want to sleep."

"Shouldn't Fade-Boner be the one to do this for you?" Bull asked.

"I offered, Bull," Dorian said, "Besides, if he finds her in the Fade, she'll probably just fall into the Nightmare anyway. I can cast a sleeping spell, though I can't guarantee that you won't have dreams."

"It's okay. I'm tired as it is."

When she entered the Fade, she was relieved to find that it was Solas's spot. She climbed a tree and laid down on a thick branch, waiting for him to appear. He'd have to, after all – he promised her they would be in the Fade as they once were.

After a few hours of lazily walking around and trying desperately to _not_ freak out, she thought maybe he wasn't coming. And then she started hearing growling, the sound of gnashing teeth, the smell of blood was prominent. Falling…deep, dark, falling into nothingness and fear.

Solas bolted awake, his chest freezing. He tried desperately to find her in the Fade and couldn't. How could he have missed her? They agreed to go to his resting spot. She said that was her favorite area in the Fade, so why would she have gone anywhere else?

She found a small sacrificial dagger in a flower resting on their tombstones. Both hers and Solas's decided to make an appearance that night. She found it by fumbling around and cutting her palm open, but at least she had a weapon if any demons tried to make appearances. The candle wasn't much light to go by, so she stood by the tiny graveyard as long as she could. She hoped Solas would find her.

He figured she had to be around the area, somewhere. She was usually blinded by the Nightmare and couldn't go anywhere without her sight. His chest flashed from freezing to warm, back to freezing. She was injured, though it didn't seem like much.

And then, she let out a blood curdling scream. He was near her, near enough for it to make his ear drums feel like exploding. He saw a demon, gripping her by the hair and pulling her back towards it. It was talking to her in elven – _"I'll be the one to kill you," "Why did you think I needed such control?" "Don't worry, you failed me. You failed everyone else. I'll die alone, as will you."_ The demon pulled her hair back, making her throat exposed. As it went to bring its claw across the open flesh, she arced her blade backwards, cutting her hair from her head, the force at which the demon was holding her caused her to stumble forward when released from its clutches. Solas threw as many spells as he could at the demon, but not before her hair was gone.

And he _really_ liked her hair.

She held her throat in her hands, trying desperately not to puke or cry or whatever she was about to do. Probably both at the same time. When he approached her, he found her hand bloody, and her throat to be the cause of that. It wasn't as bad as it could've been, but it certainly wasn't _good_ either. He healed her and wrapped her in his arms so tightly that she couldn't breathe for a second.

"I am so glad I found you, lethallan," He said. She hated when he called her that, especially knowing how much older he actually was.

"I'm glad you found me, too. I waited for hours at our meeting spot. You never came."

"I was there."

"I was in a tree by the pond. I never saw you."

"I was sitting at the pond the whole time."

"My head hurts," She rubbed her temples, "I don't want to be in the Nightmare anymore. Wake me up or something. Anything. Come to my room. Maybe we have a better chance of seeing each other in the Fade, then."

"Sure," He nodded, agreeing even though he knew it wouldn't make a difference. He should've been able to find her in the Fade, and if she really was in the same area as he was, why couldn't they see each other? The main reason he agreed was because he wanted to lie beside her. They both seemed to sleep better when that was the case.

Dorian and Iron Bull stared at her and she bolted straight up in bed, staring at the wall. They didn't say anything, nor did she, even about the sudden disappearance of a foot of her hair. The door opened at the bottom of the steps, and Dorian looked over the railing to see Solas emerge.

"What is he doing here?" Dorian asked.

"I had another nightmare."

"And it wasn't because of Solas?"

"I…don't think so?" She said quietly, "I mean, I hadn't seen him until after the Nightmare had started."

"Looks like a certain couple was slacking off on the job," Solas said.

"Hey man, we wouldn't need to be here if it weren't for you. She doesn't even want to sleep half the time," Bull said in his defense.

"It's fine, guys. Really," Ellie ran a hand through her hair, forgetting how abruptly it stopped – level with her chin.

"It is not fine," Solas said.

"_You're _the one that did this to her!" Dorian stood up in a defensive position over Bull. Bull budged him out of the way and stood from the couch as well.

"Please don't fight. Please," Ellie got out of bed and prepared herself to get in the middle of an all-out war. Dorian and Solas didn't need staffs to fight, and Bull could just headbutt someone to death. Or stab them with his horns.

Bull pointed his finger in Solas's chest, "if _you_ hadn't made it so she hadn't wanted to come back to Skyhold – "

"Get your finger out of my face," Solas was quiet but all three blanched back from the pure venom in his voice, "You have no right to comment on a situation in which you are not welcome."

"Solas," Ellie warned.

"You have no right to judge any one of us for anything. Ellie and I talked. You think me so rude that I had not told her of my feelings? We both knew this would happen."

"So you're saying it's Ellie's fault?" Bull asked.

"No, I am not. I am saying that we were both aware of the situation and continued to carry on as though nothing were wrong. We knew. We are both at fault."

"No, just you are," Dorian said.

"Stop fighting!" Ellie shouted, "Thank you guys for sticking up for me. I appreciate it, I really do. But please. Just let my last few days with Solas not include fighting."

"Why are you letting him do this to you, Ellie?" Bull asked.

"You can't help who you fall in love with," Dorian was quiet.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

"_Don't be frightened, child," _the voice told her in a calm tone, _"We're friends."_ She didn't recognize who it would've been, or where it was even coming from. It was eerie, like it rode in on the wind, barely brushing against her and whispering gently in her ear. Perhaps she was asleep?

She poked herself with her dagger tip, but she was awake. At least conscious. Whether she was conscious in the real world or in the Fade, she couldn't tell. Bells that signaled prayer. The hum of the Orlesians below her. The gold and blue of the bedspread – Solas tangled inside. She was awake, and he was asleep. _Okay._

Her head bobbed with sleep, but she caught herself before smacking her head off of her desk. Back to paperwork. Always paperwork. Advisors. She had…three of them, right? Yes. Cullen, he was the…he lead the army. _Commander, that's it_. And…Lilly. That didn't sound right. Again her head bobbed and she caught it, hearing the last of the prayer bells. Who was praying? Why were they praying? Leliana! That's her name. She runs the spies. Spying. The other one…

The door opened below and she glanced down briefly to see…nothing. The door wasn't open. Did she open it? No. It wasn't even opened. No one opened it. Her eyelids fluttered over her dry eyes and she tried desperately to hold herself together.

Cole appeared behind her, "I'm sorry for what they've done to you."

And then he was gone.

Solas shot up, his cheeks flushed and his breath coming out in pants. Ellie stared at him through bloodshot, bone dry eyes until he made eye contact. Her thumb hurt from rubbing the amulet he had given her over and over again.

"Vhenan, you should really – "

She cackled loudly, her hair frizzing with each thrum of her chest, "vhenan," she said to herself.

They were disconnected in the Fade. It didn't matter what they did, they couldn't find each other. She would sink into the Nightmare, and still, Solas was unable to find her. She found the nightmares becoming increasingly unbearable, until eventually, she just stopped sleeping.

"This is day four with no sleep," Solas said, his voice barely above a whisper, "I need you to get to sleep. Please."

Her laughs turned into cries and she knew she was losing it; she could feel her mind slowly slipping away from her, and she was barely able to brush it with her fingers as she fell. Solas offered to go get her herbal tea and left before she could protest.

"_Remember me?" _The voice returned with Solas gone, _"I haven't seen you in a few days."_

She walked over to where the voice was coming from – the painting behind her bed.

"_I was wondering when you would catch on. Fen'Harel, at your service."_

"I don't understand," She raked at her scalp with her fingers, blood flaking under the nails.

"_No need to worry, da'len. I am the Dread Wolf. Not the elvhen that has tricked you into thinking he was."_

"But he…"

"_No, lethallan. I am."_

"This is bullshit."

"_Why?"_

"You're a painting."

"_How do you know he hasn't trapped the soul of Fen'Harel in the painting, as he trapped the Creators and the Forgotten Ones in the Black City?"_

"Why would he do that? Isn't that technically him?"

"_Yes. And no."_

"My head hurts."

"_From lack of sleep. Go on, take a quick nap. Venture with me in the Fade."_

"You're a demon."

"_No, I'm not."_

She grabbed one of the many blankets from her bed and began nailing it to the wall, covering the painting. Her fingers were bruised and bleeding from missing the nails and hitting herself instead, and after a while, she realized that she wouldn't be able to nail anything to a concrete wall. She sat on the floor in defeat.

"Vhenan," Solas set her tea down beside her, but she didn't even acknowledge him as she stared at the painting, waiting for it to say something again. It was pitch-black outside, probably very early morning, and she felt bad for waking Solas. Just because she couldn't sleep, didn't mean he had to suffer, too.

"If I stay awake, the day takes longer to pass," She said, her voice barely above a whisper, "And that's more time to wait until you leave."

"Emma lath," Solas's eyes stung on the verge of tears, "I am sorry."

When she met Solas, she believed that they would be together. She believed that nothing bad would happen to them. The way he cared for her, and talked to her, and talked about her…for him to reveal that he was some kind of God was worse than death for her. Now she knew they both wanted to be together, and they couldn't. For some reason, they couldn't even see each other in the Fade.

"I'm tired," She said.

"Drink your tea, my heart. It will help."

She drank the tea and Solas helped her into bed, putting her to sleep himself. He didn't like to do it that way, especially knowing that he couldn't find her in the Fade or in the Nightmare, but she needed sleep. Maybe, he would have to teach her how to control her dreams the way he did. It mostly required magic, but the anchor seemed to work well enough as a replacement.

_The anchor. _She couldn't access the Fade as she did normally without it. He wondered if she subconsciously didn't want to find him in the Fade – after all, the common factor in both that and the Nightmare was _him._ So maybe the anchor acted accordingly and blocked him out of her dreams. It seemed like the only viable explanation.

If the anchor really was the issue, then he'd have to do some more researching. There wasn't much he could do if her subconscious had blocked him out. It was the only thing he could think of that explained why he wasn't appearing in her dreams. But…others were taking his form. It didn't make much sense to him, and he was supposed to be the "resident Fade expert," as Varric called him.

He went back to his room, grabbing random papers and books he knew might hold something on it, and then climbed the stairs to the library. He lit the candles with veil fire, enough for him to see, but not disturb the others. It was late and he didn't want the ravens to awaken and start squawking horribly loudly.

What he knew about the anchor: it was caused by the elven foci that he used to lock away the Creators and Forgotten Ones away. He kept the foci with him as he slumbered, and as he woke, Corypheus snatched it from him. Using it began to unlock it's power. Ellie grabbed the foci while the magic was active and it anchored to her hand. So she could use it to manipulate the Fade as though she were a mage. What else could she possibly do with the power of the ancient elven Gods? There was no way it only dealt with opening and closing the rifts in the Fade. There had to be more to it.

He closed his book, marking the page with a few research papers, scrawled in fancy handwriting that had taken years and years to perfect. His chest thumped with a pleasant warmth that said she was awake and she was okay. Hot for pain, cold for scared, warm and pulsing – alive and well. It would get a little cooler and stop thumping to the rhythm of her heart when she slept. He was pleased with the magic and time he put into the amulet, and even more pleased that she decided to wear it.

But he put her under a sleeping spell, and she shouldn't have been awake…at least not yet. The sun was barely making its way above the horizon, and Solas noticed Dorian wasn't around. Maybe he was with Iron Bull. Maybe he was checking on Ellie and that's why she was awake. He'd have to check it out, and then finally get some shut eye. Maybe ask some spirits of wisdom about the anchor.

"That song she's been singing…it sounds very sad," Dorian said through whispers, standing in the middle of her bedroom.

"It could be a different song," Bull suggested, "I don't know any elven."

"It's the same song. I've recognized a few words."

"Yes. It is about a lover who has a duty to attend, the sort of a war. He must leave, and she knows this, yet their hearts break, despite the knowledge. He promises to come back and does not. She does not have the knowledge of his death until many years later. She spends her life pining over what was lost, rather than moving on," Solas appeared silently behind them.

"So someone wrote a song on your relationship?" Iron Bull asked.

Solas sighed and nodded to himself, "Surely seems so."

"She always sings it in the bath."

"It is the only time she _thinks_ she has to herself."

Bull nodded; he supposed that was true. With her not getting any sleep lately, and being sick for the last few days, people were _still _constantly in and out of her room. Not to mention the fight with Corypheus was just around the corner. They needed to gather their troops and forces, mend their armor and weapons, make sure they were stable and ready, but would Corypheus even grant them that chance?

_Shall ever you return,_

_Await here, I will,_

_For you, my love,_

_My heart's gone still_

_Neither water nor fire_

_Shall stem the tide_

_Every waking moment_

_Is the sea gone wide_

_But ever duty calls_

_And though you leave,_

_We, forever and always,_

_Together shall stand tall_

_Days gone by,_

_Awaiting your return_

_Not a single word spoken_

_By masses who yearn_

_Ever shall I wait,_

_For you, my dear heart._

Solas stood quietly in front of the door, wanting to go inside of the bathroom, crawl in with her and hold her to his chest. He was selfish. He was so selfish. He was hurting her by staying, he was hurting her by leaving. But he promised to be by her side for the Corypheus fight. He couldn't very well slip off into the night when Corypheus's rise to power was his fault in the first place.

She emerged from the bathroom with nothing but a towel wrapped around herself. Her cheeks and the tips of her ears burned bright red, "I…wasn't aware I had an audience." She was more concerned about people hearing her singing than seeing her naked. After all, two out of three of them had already seen her.

"I'd appreciate some privacy, please," she said awkwardly, after no one had moved or left her be, "I'll call you back up when I'm ready."

"If it is alright with you, I would appreciate sleeping in your bed. I've not yet slept, and I seem to do so better in your room than in my own," Solas said quietly, "Besides, you did not get nearly enough sleep."

"O-okay," She nodded.

She wrapped her thick hair into her towel after everyone left, leaving her naked and exposed in the cold, stony room. Her hands traced her hips and her legs and her breasts and she felt…beautiful. Despite her scars and bruises, and the bags under her eyes. Staring at herself in the mirror, she realized it didn't matter how long her ears were, or how empty her face looked without the vallaslin…if there was _one thing _that came from her and Solas being together, it was how much more beautiful he made her feel.

"Elliana, I –" Solas poked his head above the staircase and stopped midsentence.

"Hey, is Little Red awake?" Varric asked as he opened the door. He noticed how entranced Solas was at the top of the steps, and Ellie slowly making her way over, "Oh shit. Okay, she's awake. I'm leaving. Come see me when you're done, I suppose."

Solas was staring at every inch of her body with such fierceness and hunger in his eyes that she thought she was in the jaws of the beast itself. She felt her cheeks and ears get red, and his lips curved ever so slightly as he watched the glow spread across her skin, telling her how beautiful she was. It had been over a week since they had done anything sexual, and she craved it more than she was willing to admit out loud, though she didn't have to admit anything. He knew she wanted it; he could smell it on her, he could feel it radiating from her, and that made him want her that much more.

He couldn't help himself when he grabbed her in his arms, pushing her against the wall and holding her hands above her head as he nipped at her ears, her jaw, and lips. Her skin tingled with pleasure, and the amulet resting against her chest sent tiny shocks through his own. She felt his moan against her shoulder as she bit his neck, running her tongue along the small bruise that was forming. He shuddered, cupping her breast in his hand and his mouth explored every bit of skin it could find.

He pulled her leg up over his hip and thrust against her through his clothing. With her hands held back, she couldn't remove his pants, and angrily grinded against him. With every new movement, her breath hitched, and he continued to take his time. They'd both be covered in bruises and bite marks at this point. The wolf would eat her alive if she let him, and she was prepared to make that commitment.

He laid her on the bed, putting his knee between her legs as he pulled her hair back, exposing the skin of her neck and the scar left by the demon in the Fade a few nights earlier. No wonder it was so fixed on her throat – it was like a "brightly colored fruit, deliberately tempting." At that point, she was begging, and he _did_ love when she begged…especially through tiny moans, desperately trying to grind against his leg. When he couldn't stand it anymore, he shed his clothing and entered her, hissing and growling as she tilted her hips upwards. He buried his head in her chest, and she clawed at his back, not enough to draw blood, but enough to where it hurt, and the more it hurt, the harder he thrust into her.

She was screaming unintelligible words as he murmured elven into her ear, over and over and over again until she was panting, trying to catch her breath, pushing her over the edge when he called her his Goddess. He held onto her desperately, growling in frustration when it was over, kissing her on the neck before he rolled off of her. He was content, stretching and curling into a ball beside her, burying his face in her hair. She was so worn out, but everything about her was awake. Every follicle of hair, the tips of her fingers, the bottoms of her toes, hummed with pleasure until they fell asleep tangled in each other.

Cassandra found them later that day, the two naked; Solas in the fetal position, with Ellie wrapped protectively around him, her chest to his back, and her arms pulling him in closer. Neither of them heard her entrance or exit, neither bothering to stir. Again, Cassandra told the war table of Ellie's wishes for her old clan – no protection. For once, the Seeker agreed with Ellie's wishes, provided what she said about her clan was true. They didn't need protection if they left her fifteen years ago. She got along on her own at the age of ten, they can get along on their own now.

Solas took his time in the Fade, showing Ellie the spirits he made friends with, and asking them for help on the anchor. He was able to find her in the Fade this time, but he couldn't for days earlier. So what was different? They had sex. They were both completely conscious, and he was controlling the Fade for her. The spirits told them she _was_ subconsciously blocking him out, but longed to see him, and that's why others were taking his shape. The anchor on her hand worked like magic did when controlling the Fade. She had the potential to, she just needed the training, which Solas could provide.

When they woke up, it was awkward. Were they together again? Did Solas have to tell her that they weren't together? Did she have to ask? They got dressed in silence and went to the war table, despite her crinkled ears, red face, and bed-head. She stopped outside of the door, listening to their conversation – it seemed to be focused on her, though she did not hear her name mentioned at first.

"_And what of her ability to lead? Is it compromised?" _Cullen asked.

Leliana let out a soft laugh, _"Coming from the guy that stopped taking lyrium."_

"_Hey, I've asked Cassandra to relieve me if _my _abilities are compromised. What of hers? Who will take her place?"_

Josephine sighed, "_I can see where the worry lies, but for now, she seems to be fine, does she not, Cassandra?"_

"_Yes," _Cassandra's strong accent made an appearance, _"When I saw them this morning, they seemed…quite content. But who's to say what will happen today?"_

"_I just…" _Cullen was quiet a moment, _"I feel as though something is wrong. Not with the Inqui – Ellie. But with Solas. It really puts me off when he's in here."_

"_Is it because of your little crush on our beloved Dalish?" _Leliana asked.

"_No. It's something much different than that. He _is _a powerful mage, I'll give him that. But there's something else. I feel like I'm always being watched when he's around."_

"_I, too, get that same feeling," _Cassandra admitted, "_As does that little shit, Varric."_

"_Are you still fighting with him?"_

"_Yes."_

"_My first question still stands: With Solas leaving her, is her ability to lead compromised?"_

"_I do not believe so," _Josephine said, _"Though, she hasn't been getting as much sleep. I've been told she's been having nightmares."_

"_Should we have someone research the cause?" _Leliana asked.

"_No, I think we all know why. It's been happening since they returned from that mission with Hawke. I just hope she gets better."_

There was a loud bang, and Cullen's voice cut the silence, _"Is she or is she not able to lead?"_

"_Calm down," _Cassandra said, _"We will watch her. If her ability to lead falters at all, then we will…"_

"_That's the question. What will we do? Who will be her replacement?"_

"_No one," _Leliana said with a matter of fact tone, _"She will be fine, and if not, we can certainly…_talk_ to either of them."_

"_The emphasis on the word 'talk' doesn't really sit right with me," _Cullen admitted.

"_Trust me, Cullen. It will work out. Solas might be tough to convince, but I think we can do something. My agents found the old village he supposedly grew up in. If we leak that information to Ellie...well, I'm sure it's enough to make him stay with her until at least Corypheus is stopped."_

Ellie burst through the door, a little louder than she originally intended to, and stared at her colleagues. Solas didn't bother to come in – he had some digging to do. What exactly did Leliana's people know about him that could "convince him to stay?" Besides, after the conversation they just heard, it would probably be a little awkward and he didn't feel like dealing with it.

"So, Inqui – Ellie," Cullen corrected himself, taking a deep breath, "We've heard that everything with Solas seems patched up for now."

"I'm not sure myself. But I'm sure you'll know the second I do," She locked eyes with Leliana, who held her hands behind her back.

"Well, we have news on Clan Leva – "

"No. That is my final answer. Absolutely not. No. They kicked me out _fifteen years ago. _I was ten years old. If they fear for their lives because I am the herald or the inquisitor or whatever, then they will need to just learn to protect themselves. Like I did. So the final word is no, and if you ask again, I will break that stupid little marker thing that's on their location on this dumbass map. Now give me something to actually go on."

"Are you okay, Ellie?" Cassandra asked, "You seem on edge today."

She rubbed her temples and pinched the bridge of her nose, "I don't know," She sighed, "I have no fucking idea."

"Are you still…not feeling well?"

"Yes. And I may have slept half the day, but it surely wasn't enough."

"I will go make you some tea. Solas said you prefer it with milk and sugar?"

"I do," She smiled sadly at Cassandra, "Thank you."

"What my agents have heard of the Venatori is that they plan on attacking tomorrow night."

"Tomorrow night?" Ellie repeated, "That's…barely enough time to process this all."

"He knows our forces aren't all together," Cullen said, "So he plans to strike when we're weakest."

Ellie held her head in her hands and sighed. In less than twenty four hours, she'd have to deal with Corypheus and Solas leaving her. Cullen said she didn't have to stick around any longer, but he would appreciate it if she read Varric's report on the Storm Coast and the bandits. Cassandra brought her tea and she slowly sipped at it while staring at the war table. She slid Josephine's card under a mission in Val Royeaux and she said she would leave immediately. Leliana was sent to round up her scouts and see what the Ventatori were up to and if even a small portion of them could be stopped before the next night.

"Inquisitor?" Cullen shook her awake, and she absentmindedly wiped the drool from her cheek, her face reddening as she realized it was all over the war table, too. Cullen made a little half smirk and leaned against the wall, "You make the strangest noises in your sleep."

"Oh yeah?" She asked, wondering if this was his attempt at flirting. When better than alone in the war room?

"It sounded like you were…like…you were…"

"Moaning?"

Cullen stood up straighter and blushed, "W-well, I…I guess. Maker this isn't what I meant to say."

Ellie laughed, "Commander, are you flirting with me?"

"Oh Maker," He hid his face in his hands, "Maker, I knew this was a bad idea."

She smiled at him, "No, it's okay. I already know you have a little crush on me."

"You're doing this on purpose."

"So you don't?"

"I…I didn't say that."

"You're not confirming it."

"You're…with Solas. And…I-I'm sorry, this is just so uncomfortable."

"I'm not technically with Solas, at least not anymore. And I definitely won't be after the battle with Corypheus. You can tell me."

"Why...do you want to know so badly?"

She shrugged; Solas hurt her, and maybe she wanted to feel like she was still desirable. Or maybe she just thought that it was really funny, and deep down inside, she wanted to know if _she_ was the joke.

"Does it bother you that I'm Dalish?" She asked.

"No. The Circle was full of elves and humans. I…I don't see you as different from me because of the way your ears point."

She smiled a full on genuine smile. She was glad to know Cullen was different than most humans. Most of the time, they wouldn't even look at her – like at the Winter Palace. But Cullen, a human, thought that she, an elf, was equal.

Ellie stood up, walking towards him with her hands behind her back, "So, you do have a crush on me."

"May-Maybe," He sighed, "Maker, this...this is so wrong."

"Why?"

"I don't know, I just feel so strange about this."

"I'm sorry," She said, "I'll return to my room and finish reading Varric's report." She turned away, but Cullen grabbed her arm.

"Wait. What...What if I do? What if…what if I admit anything to you?"

"I…don't know," She said honestly, their faces so close she could feel his breath on her cheek. She certainly loved Solas, and she wasn't going to bed Cullen and play with his feelings just because she was lonely, "Solas is leaving after the battle with Corypheus. I don't know when or if he'll even come back."

"So there's at least a chance?"

"I…don't know."

"Even if there isn't...I-I still think you're...you're beautiful."

She felt the tips of her ears heat up, "Oh. Thank you." The color of Cullen's face matched her own.

"I've never told anyone what happened in Fereldan's Circle."

"I'm sensing it wasn't good."

"No," he sighed, finally letting go of her arm, "No, it wasn't. They…tortured me. I…fell for a girl in the Circle, and they wanted me to kill anyone who failed the Harrowing. I…I couldn't do that. Mages _are_ people, too. We're – Templars are supposed to protect them. They trapped me in this magical prison, and…and…" He rubbed his face.

"It's okay, Cullen," She said, "You don't have to finish telling me. It seems like it was difficult."

"Thank you for understanding. Most people think I'm some sort of…monster."

"You're a human being, Cullen," She smiled sadly, "We all are. I won't fault you for that."

* * *

><p><em>Strange elven song written by yours truly.<em>


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

"So, how was your talk with the Commander?" Solas asked as they sat on a log in the Fade.

She shrugged, "What do you mean?"

Solas smirked, his eyes squinting as they usually did when he was amused by something, "Why do you wish to know if he cares about you as I do?"

"Wouldn't you want to know?"

"No. I have you."

Her smile fell, fixing her eyes on the ground. She ran a hand through her hair and traced a path up her nose and along her forehead where her vallaslin was. It seemed so…empty. _She_ seemed so empty, "But not after tomorrow, the fight with Corypheus…you're leaving. How do I know if I'll even see you again?"

"You don't," At least he was honest.

"Could the power you're seeking kill you?"

"It did not before," He said, though he didn't sound too certain.

"Please don't," She said, "Please. Please don't leave. I…can't stand the thought of losing you. Please, please don't leave."

"And I cannot stand the thought of another man raising my child, but here we are having a conversation about the Commander," He said so nonchalantly, she _almost_ didn't even notice. "I want you to be happy. I want you to live a long, happy life, and I_ cannot_ be there for that."

"Why not?"

"I cannot bring you happiness. Not the kind that you deserve. Cullen is a good man. He would not pick up and leave out of nowhere. He could also provide the protection the Herald of Andraste – the Inquisitor – deserves. I cannot do that."

She was silent, nodding to herself like she understood. Maybe she did, deep down, but it certainly didn't matter at that point in time. He was going to leave, and she was going to be alone. Though he did not show it, his feelings echoed her own. How could he be so enticed with a mortal? One of Dalish decent? How could she bring him to his knees as she did?

She grabbed his shirt and pulled him closer to her, resting her head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her mid-back, squeezing her arm as he held her tight against his body. The spot on her head where his chin rest was beginning to hurt, but she didn't say anything. Every spot on their bodies where they touched where alive and on fire – but not with passion as they normally were. It was something…different. Something sullen and removed, as a though a lingering sadness or a departing soul.

"I suppose I had better teach you the ways of the Fade. How to use your mark to manipulate it. First things first, the Fade reflects the area around the dreamer. If you are asleep in Skyhold, you are most likely in the Fade in Skyhold. However, if you want to sleep in Skyhold and dream in Kirkwall, then –"

"_I swear, all they do is sleep together!"_ Iron Bull penetrated their dreams, _"And I don't even mean sexually! Come on, wake up! We aren't going to spend the night before a big battle asleep and depressed! We're going to play some Wicked Grace, strip style. Let's go! Fade-Boner can come too!"_ He was shaking the whole bed. They looked up at him through sleepy, bloodshot eyes, and Bull could not contain the joy on his face. Like a kid on Christmas morning. Ellie swatted him away and said they'd be downstairs in a moment.

"Everything comes off!" Sera shouted, "I mean _everything! _We aren't gonna play like some common folk who can't bear the thought of being naked in front of noble pish."

Cullen's face was red, "Strip Wicked Grace? _Again?! _Not if Josephine is playing!"

"Never bet against an Antivan," She smiled with venom.

Everyone was gathered around a long table in the center of the throne room. Several fireplaces were crackling and glowing with the warm feeling of home, something a lot of them didn't know much about. Solas wandered, Ellie wandered, Dorian wasn't happy in Tevinter, Bull was a travelling mercenary…they all liked the feeling of _home._

"Alright, deal us in," Ellie said, taking a seat.

"_Us?_" Solas asked, "What do you mean _us?"_

"Sit down and lighten up, Fade-Boner!" Iron Bull set a mug of ale in front of the two and sat down opposite of them. Remembering what Solas had said earlier, Ellie pushed hers away.

"I am not good at this game," Ellie whined, "You _can't_ be serious about the stripping part."

"So serious," Josephine said.

Ellie was down to her smallclothes before anyone else and Solas was shirtless. Everyone else was fully clothed. "Din ir solas," she growled. (_I am not proud_.)

"Dirthara ma," Solas laughed. (_May you learn_.)

"YOU'RE LOSING TOO!" She yelled, throwing her arms up.

Everyone laughed, despite not knowing what was previously said in the conversation. Solas put his hand on her leg, "fen'harel enansal." (_Go with the Dread Wolf's blessing_.)

"Don't give me that, you loser."

"Loser?" He smiled, "Says emma lath to the man still in his underwear," He said laying his cards down on the table.

"Ma emma harel," _(You should fear me,) _she said, her cards beating him out. Cullen, Cassandra, Sera and Solas all removed an article of clothing. Cassandra was just removing her armor, but no one said anything in fear of her throwing the table at them.

Varric laughed from his fully clothed position at the table. Cullen made a remark about how he thought he was going to win, and was immediately placed in just his underwear. Josephine's next hand had Ellie bare chested, and she awkwardly tried to cover herself by crossing her arms. Next hand played, Ellie was out, followed shortly by Solas. Blackwall had finally taken a piece of clothing off, while Josephine was still fully covered.

It didn't take long for Cullen and Cassandra to be completely out of the game, too. At the end of the night, the only one missing a single article of clothing was Josephine, again. They looked around to one another, awkwardly, wondering who would get up first to get their clothes. Then, Sera started laughing, and that threw the entire hall into a belly bursting, tear-inducing fit of laughter. This could very well be their last night together. They would go into battle half-asleep and hung-over the next day, but it didn't matter. Not a single one of them – Cullen, Josephine, Cassandra, and even Solas – could think of a better way to spend their final hours together.

Their laughter infected the rest of Skyhold – the patients in the infirmary getting up and walking around as best they could, talking to neighbors and healers, even if they never did before. Cole wandered in, and the sight of the naked people made him curious, but he could tell they were all happy. Happy, and sad. He wanted to help them, but they seemed to be helping themselves. He was glad. But there was one person who wasn't so happy after they replaced their clothes and moved from the table to one closer to a fireplace.

"He is angry. Angry at himself. He let you down. He let all of Skyhold and Thedas down. There was one thing he didn't want to do, and that was hurt you. It isn't a pain that can be healed overnight, he says. He means that of himself and you. He is very sorry. There is one person whose attention he craves, and yet…he does not have it at the moment," Cole said, appearing beside Ellie for a brief moment and disappearing like a puff of smoke.

"Umm…what is all of that about?" Iron Bull asked.

"Two guesses," Cullen said, noticing that Solas was gone.

They all got up to look for him in different rooms, Ellie going to her quarters. She remembered him saying that he was more comfortable there than anywhere else. When she found him, he was sitting on the railing of the balcony, watching the stars in the sky.

"That's a really high place to fall from," She said worriedly.

"I have excellent balance."

"That doesn't stop me from worrying about you."

"I know," he said, turning to face her, "I have been doing a lot of thinking today. And, I want you to know the truth because I respect you. But I know it will hurt you. I am not proud to do so."

"Okay," She held her breath as he walked towards her, putting his hand on her cheek. Dorian and Bull entered the room to see his forehead resting against hers, Solas's cheeks wet with tears. They immediately left them.

"I…will not be able to return," He let out the breath he had been holding in, "I am not sure how long it will take me, and I am uncomfortable with asking you to wait for me if I am unable to return in your lifetime."

"You think it will take that long?"

"It could. Or longer. But…I noticed the connection that you and Commander Cullen have, and I want you –"

"There is no connection, Solas. Ma emma lath, ma sa'lath." _(You are my love, my one love.)_

"I just want you to be happy. I am doing the complete opposite of that. Cullen can…I trust Cullen to be able to treat you and the baby right. Better than I can ever hope to accomplish. He can give you a stable home, and he would not just leave you for no reason. And he can provide better protection to the Herald…the Inquisitor than I can. Please." The _please _sounded so desperate that she wanted to cry.

"I want to help you. Please, let me help."

"Where I am going, you cannot. I am sorry. I must walk alone; this is not something I'd wish upon my enemies, let alone the woman I love."

"But –"

"You can help by just letting me do this myself, and moving on. Please. I…must take my leave now. I will be in my room if anything comes up."

"I'm sorry," she whispered as he left. He wanted to tell her that she had no reason to be sorry, but he knew if he turned back and said anything, he'd be inclined to stay and he couldn't walk away a third time. He already did twice; two times too many, as far as he was concerned. Two times too many that he had to hurt her, that he walked away without her by his side. He would explore the Fade, try to find solace in his friends - as much as he cared for them, though, they were not her.

She sat at her desk and began sorting her paperwork. Reports she already read, reports that needed reading, paperwork that was done, paperwork that needed done. She needed a bigger desk at this point. But then again, how long would the Inquisition stay together after Corypheus fell? Would getting a bigger desk even make sense at this point?

"Two hearts beat as one. He knows this, knows the creation, but he turns away," Cole appeared behind her, sounding far away. He was out on the balcony, perched on the railing as Solas was earlier.

"Not right now, Cole," She said, staring at the wall. She figured if she stared unblinkingly, she would dry out her eyes and the tears would stop coming. She was wrong. To busy herself, she grabbed from the stack on paperwork that needed done, and her mug fell to the ground, shattering. It was her favorite mug, too - it was stone, and it looked like a vase with flowers springing from the top. It was stupid, but she had the mug for what seemed like forever. She always took it with her, wherever she went. Like Solas, she kept a knapsack full of her things when she traveled. She never went without it, and it was at least ten years old. Cole stopped to help her pick it up, and she started crying. _Over a mug. _

"He said he can't come back?" Cole asked.

"He did."

"If it makes you feel any better, he honestly doesn't know if he can."

"It doesn't make me feel any better. But I'm glad he wasn't lying."

"You don't trust him," Cole said with a matter-of-fact tone. She _did_, but how was she supposed to when he was supposedly a trickster god? How was she to take anything seriously when he would talk in riddles to confuse her, or hide his identity from her in the first place?

"He is what you think he is. But he isn't. He thinks the same of you – you're different. More so than the rest. You're _real_. And if you can be real, so can anyone else. It scares him."

There was a long pause between what Cole said and even the next slightest movement in the room. Poof, Cole was gone and she was alone once again. Sleep was a distant thought, though it came up once or twice – the first time when she slammed her head off the desk, and the next when she stood in the Fade. Rocks – no...pieces of a building – aimlessly floated against the sickly green backdrop. They weren't too far apart in distance, and she could probably jump from one to another.

Amongst the debris and rubble, she saw a banner, red and gold, bearing the sigil of the Kirkwall Chantry. It was dark and cold, too cold. Cold enough that she was shaking, even while running and jumping across the rubble. Finally, she got to a level, large piece of concrete that seemed to stretch on for miles. There was a door halfway along that was on the ground, facing inwards. When she opened it, it fell into the floor and she jumped down inside.

The chantry was beautiful on the inside. Silks and cloths hung from the walls, people talked animatedly inside it's warmth. It was so much different from that of the Haven chantry that she was shocked at first. No stone inside, no moist smell, no dark corners where the flames couldn't reach. The floors were adorned with purple carpets and it smelled of lavender.

And then, a large pillar of red light shot above, the chantry seemingly disintegrating around her. And then she was alone, in the middle of the dark depths of the Fade again. But there was someone else...a hooded man. He stood off in the distance, the only visible part of him was his glowing blue eyes - it reminded her of a spirit.

She crept closer to him, and he flipped his hood down, "you're the Inquisitor," he said with shock, "and you're not a mage. You have some talent to control the Fade as you do."

"It's the mark, not me," she said sadly.

The mage, spirit, whatever it was wore his hair back in a small ponytail and it looked as though he hadn't shaved in a few days from the scruff on his face. His baggy eyes made him look exhausted, and he was shuffling awkwardly.

"Are you okay?" She asked.

"I didn't do it, you know."

She cocked her head to the side and raised her eyebrows, "you mean the chantry?"

"Yeah."

"Are...you Anders?"

"I am. And Justice was the one to do that whole mess you just saw."

"I am sorry," she said.

"Hawke told me about you. She said you're tough and sweet. Seems she wasn't wrong."

"Thank you, I guess," she smiled, "Are you actually Anders? Or just a spirit?"

"Well, you tell me. Can't you use the mark to tell?"

"I don't know. Solas never told me," she frowned.

"Here, let me help you," he said, grabbing her anchored hand and setting it on his cheek, the only bare skin that was showing, "now, think," he tapped his temple with his finger, "feel deep in your soul, and feel with your mark. Does it feel any different? Can you feel my heartbeat? Can you hear the blood coursing through my veins?"

"No," she said defeatedly.

"It's okay. It'll take a minute or two. Just close your eyes and focus."

She did as he said, making sure to steady her breathing and focus on the mark, the feel of his scruff against the softness of her hand. She felt her mark thump against his cheek, the sound of blood rushing through her ears, like it did in the height of passion.

"You're Anders," she said, "I...felt you."

He smiled, "good. I'm glad I can help you."

"Is that why I found you?"

"I'm not sure, actually. I think you were looking for a mage to help you, and even though I'm not the mage you wanted, I am the mage that appeared."

"I don't remember what I was doing before I fell asleep, though."

"It doesn't matter. Unless you were specifically trying to fall somewhere in the Fade. Usually your subconscious brings you where you want to be. Did you perhaps want to see Hawke?"

She shook her head, "I don't think so."

"You said this Solas was supposed to help you with your mark. Did you want to see him?"

"It's...complicated," she sighed, "I do, but..."

"Ah. I get it. Do you wish me to help you?"

"If you could. I know Solas has experience in this magic that I have in my hand. He practically created it."

"Really?" Anders raised his eyebrow, "I thought it was the power of some ancient Elven Gods?"

"Yeah, sort of."

"I'll help you find him. Take my hand," he said, offering it to her. She linked her fingers into his, "okay, now hold your hand out in front of us. Yes, like that. And think, like before. With every fiber of your being. Think of him in his most intimate moments, the moments where he was most human to you, or anyone else. The moments where he let himself be weak. The smell of his skin against yours. His lips on your neck. Anything to make him appear. Can you see him?"

A small rift opened in front of them, and Solas was sitting in his normal spot, his form curled around a dark branch, his tail the only visible thing. Until he opened his eyes. All six of them, like she was staring at him straight on. He could sense he was being watched, but from where, he wasn't quite sure. And then, he got a scent of wildflowers. The smell of her bedroom, and he made a small growl, as to scare away whatever spirit was trying to mock him.

"Oh Maker...what is that thing?" Anders asked, "Is...is that the Dread Wolf?"

"Uh. No," she slammed the rift shut, her mark hissing in response, "besides, how do you know what Fen'Harel looks like?"

"Doesn't everyone? Is that the mage you were talking about?"

"No. I don't know who that was."

"You said it yourself it was Fen'Harel..."

She sighed in defeat, "it was. It was the mage I was looking for. He is Fen'Harel. That's the reason we aren't together anymore. He's afraid he'll hurt me."

"I hurt Hawke. Well, Justice did. But she knew it wasn't me, she knew Justice became more powerful the angrier I was. And I harbored a lot of anger. I hope he can forgive himself the way Hawke forgave me. If you're still willing to give him a chance, I don't see why he can't at least give you - and himself - the chance."

"He doesn't think he'll be done doing his duty in time."

"Go back to him. You carry his child, do you not?"

"Can mages just sense that? I didn't even know yet."

Anders chuckled, "Sort of. I was...am a healer. So it's just natural to me. Perhaps he was waiting for it to happen. Or he could smell it. You probably smell different to him now."

"That's...weird."

He smiled, "Yeah. Anyways, go to him. Maybe he'll listen to you in the Fade."

She nodded, "Thank you, Anders. I hope everything goes good for you and Hawke."

"We're a force to be reckoned with."

Ellie held her hand out in front of her, and thought the same thoughts as before. The rift showed the wolf now scouring the borders of the forest, anxiously. He was still looking for her, and he seemed to be getting really upset that he couldn't find her. She jumped through, landing as deftly as she could on a branch. The audible snap attracted Solas's attention, and then her screaming as she tumbled to the ground.

His legs pumped, paws slamming quietly off of the ground as he charged towards the tree. His claws dug in the bark as he sputtered towards her, propelling himself backwards, his breath slamming out of his lungs as she landed on his soft, furry stomach. They tumbled to the ground together, and he pinned her under his weight, his snout not even an inch away from her face as he growled, narrowing his eyes at her.

"Solas," she whispered, and in a puff of black, swirling smoke, the wolf was gone, and Solas was on all fours in its place

"Why did you come here?" his tone was low and husky, ending in a growl.

"You didn't say I couldn't visit you in the Fade."

"I suppose I did not. But I will politely ask you to leave me to myself, if you wouldn't mind."

She pushed him off of her and stood up, eager to leave in her embarrassment. He said he wanted to see her in the Fade, and she went through the trouble of trying to work out how to control her anchor only to have him tell her to leave her alone.

"I...I'm sorry," she stuttered, trying to hold her composure together, "I...okay. Alright. I'll leave. Bye."

He didn't say anything, just stood there with his chin high and his hands behind his back. He watched as she closed her eyes and held her hand out in front of her. The energy rippled and shook the ground, and for a second, it broke her concentration and the rift snapped shut. She shook her pulsating hand and tried again, not remembering the chantry floor shaking as it did there. And was it harder to concentrate? Was it because Solas was there? He was certainly making her more nervous.

She did it again, thinking of Skyhold, of her bed, and the inviting fire place. She thought of the time her and Solas spent together, tangled in the sheets. The breathless nights and the feeling of his body molded along hers. His fingers drawing small patterns in her back, the way his arms wrapped protectively around her. Her desk, covered in all of that paperwork. Cole bringing her cheese when she was upset. Vivienne stopping by, even though they didn't get along.

The rift burst to life, almost knocking her off of her feet. The energy was much stronger here, perhaps it was because Solas had to protect himself. Either way, her teeth hurt from grinding them while concentrating, and her mark hurt from the rift snapping alive.

Solas stood with his jaw slack, and his eyebrows arched high. The first though in his mind was "what the fuck," and the second thought was pure astonishment. If she was able to break through the barrier he erected, she was far more powerful than he originally thought. Or perhaps, the baby had magic powers and she could draw from that as well, but it wouldn't be nearly enough magic to break through the barrier.

He watched as she disappeared, not bothering to look back. He made her tired, to her core, even though she was asleep. If he was going to be rude, going to kick her out of her favorite place in the Fade, then she didn't want to see him in the Fade either. She felt comfortable there and now she wasn't even welcome anymore. She didn't know where to go or what to do. Again, she felt like a total outcast, not even wanted by the father of her supposed child. Not even in his dreams.


	11. Chapter 11

_For some reason, I wasn't able to edit or upload new chapters to my other story, so after two days of messing around with it, I just decided to delete it and try again. I shortened some chapters into two chapters, and added some more stuff, so if you finished it before, you might wanna pick up on this chapter to read the newer content I posted. Thanks for reading! :)_

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><p>Chapter Eleven<p>

The morning was solemn and quiet as they all strapped on their gear, sharpened their weapons, checked, double checked, and rechecked their potions. They made sure their staves worked, were equipped with runes, and had the right blades on the ends. Ellie made sure to bring her bow, along with her daggers, and asked Cole to do the same.

Cullen found Ellie down in the infirmary, checking on the patients and the healers. A few offered to go and help her, but she refused. They were either too wounded or needed back in Skyhold. She said they had troops, willing and able, and that they could rest easy knowing they would bring the Inquisition back safely.

"Did you sleep okay?" he asked when she was done with the patients. She smiled and nodded, though the bags under her eyes deeply contradicted her.

"I think we all slept well with how much drinking went on."

Cullen raised his eyebrow, "but you didn't drink."

"I didn't. I'd best be getting ready."

As she turned to walk away, he wrapped his large hand around her tiny wrist and pulled her in to him, wrapping his hand in her hair and kissing her, hard. She gasped in surprise - quiet, shy Cullen, and he was desperately clinging onto her.

"That was...nice. I'm sorry if it was so sudden. I...I'm worried about today. Corypheus. If something happens to one of us..."

Her ears burned, perking up a bit, but her face softened and she looked up at him through her eyelashes, "nothing will happen to either of us. I promise."

His cheeks and nose were red, "Go finish getting ready. We'll meet you out on the battlefield."

Solas watched their interaction from the top of the hill and narrowed his eyes. He was still jealous. He turned her away, he made her leave, even he himself left, and yet he was still jealous. Of course he had the right. He claimed her...no. He didn't. Maybe the animal inside did. But he didn't. She wasn't a tool to be used. She was a person. But she would never be able to wash his scent off.

Solas, Ellie, Iron Bull, Morrigan, and Dorian went separately from the rest of the group marching in. It was an awkward travel, no one talking much more than Dorian and Bull whispering to each other. Morrigan knew about Solas - the whispers of the Well made that clear enough. But when was the appropriate time to bring it up, if ever? Ellie knew, of course she knew. But did she know of their child and how powerful it would become? Could a mortal even hold that kind of intensity within her body?

If Morrigan could match Corypheus's dragon's power, then they just had to keep Corypheus busy for a bit while she took out the dragon. It sounded simple enough, but was it actually?

Ellie's hands were shaking by the time they heard the screech of the dragon, and Corypheus dropped down from its clutches. Morrigan sprang up, a violent burst of black electricity released from her body and she was gone. In her place, a large dragon. She flew off, giving chase to the supposed arch demon. Ellie pulled out her bow and began an assault on the Magister, shooting flaming arrows at him. Solas prepared a barrier, and Bull went in swinging as best he could until Corypheus jumped on a platform.

Ellie activated stealth and went around his backside, looking for a way to him. Dorian and Solas unleashed a fury of elements on him, though with his dragon still alive, it didn't make much of a difference. Solas made sure to keep an eye out for Ellie; making sure she didn't get too close or that Corypheus didn't notice her.

And then the Magister uprooted and flew back, giving them time to give chase and make sure everything was in working order. _Just keep his attention_, Ellie told herself, but she was getting dizzy. Dorian stopped her, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"Are you alright?"

She wiped at her nose with the back of her hand, "I think so." But her hands were shaking, and her chest was tight. She wasn't sure.

"Just pop stealth and catch your breath, if you need to."

Ellie nodded, rubbing her forehead and tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear. Dorian clapped her shoulder before letting her go.

"Guys, stop," she was so quiet they almost didn't hear her. When they turned to face her, they noticed the blush across her cheeks and the way she wrapped her arms around her stomach, "I…never mind. It was stupid."

"No, go ahead," Bull said, "It must've meant something to you to stop us."

Bull raised his eyebrow and stared at her expectantly, but instead she wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her face in his enormous pecs. Dorian put a hand on her back, rubbing in a soothing manner. Solas turned away, embarrassed at his own actions and scared for the rest of the battle.

"Are you happy, Solas?" Iron Bull asked, turning his glare onto the elf, while he held the other one, inconsolable in his arms.

"It isn't that," She said through sobs, "It's not that."

"Oh. Then what is it?"

"I'm scared. I'm scared something will happen to us or the others, or…"

"It's okay. We won't let anything happen to you."

"But I don't want you to sacrifice yourselves for me. I don't care what happens to me. I like you guys more than I like me."

"This is absurd. She is pregnant, we will protect her at all costs," Solas broke through her sobs with a cutting tongue.

"You're…what?" Bull's face looked like he had just seen a ghost, "You came here anyway, knowing this?"

"Yes."

"You're insane."

"I don't know."

"_I do_, and I said you're insane."

"Let's just go, okay?"

Corypheus was standing with his arms crossed, a barrier around him, and as they approached, he shot a wall of red lyrium at them, Bull used his axe to smash it into pieces, Solas's barrier deflecting the debris away from them. Cole, Cassandra, Leliana, and Vivienne were already ahead, fighting Corypheus as Elliana pulled out her bow and began firing away once again.

Morrigan clattered to the ground in a burst of blood, and Ellie screamed her name, watching as she flailed to get up. She pointed ahead of them, and Corypheus's dragon fell to the ground.

"Morrigan! Are you okay?! Please, get up! Kieran needs you…"

"Go…fight the Dragon. He is…near death."

Solas and Dorian had already run ahead to fight while Bull stayed back to make sure Ellie was okay. Blackwall and Cullen had joined in on keeping Corypheus busy, while Ellie stealthed behind the Dragon and up onto his back. She clambered around the spikes and spines, poisoning her weapon.

"Ellie!" Solas screamed, and she turned to see crystallized red lyrium coming full force at her. It shatter off the barrier, driving her off of the dragon's back. Bull threw his weapon down and jumped towards her, trying to catch her in his arms. Her back cracked, and she shook violently from the impact, but at least he caught her.

"Please be more careful," Bull growled at her.

"Yes, Dad," she picked up her bow and lit the arrow on fire, aiming for the dragon's eye, "Fen'Harel enansal," were the words to escape her lips as the dragon fell, shaking the ground with fervor. Corypheus let out a loud screech, flying even further away.

"Take a second to rest, Ellie," Bull demanded, putting his arm around her shoulders, "You can't be pulling shit like that again. You're going to end up hurting the baby or yourself."

"I can take care of myself," She snapped.

"I know you can," Bull gave her a hint of a smirk, "Let's go destroy this Magister's ass!" He roared as he charged forward.

"I suppose we had better follow, lest he get himself killed," Dorian said, following after him.

They continued after Bull and Corypheus, passing the Chargers along the way. More often than not, Bull had to stand around growling since their enemy was out of reach. It didn't matter how much he tried to taunt him or get him fired up. It just fell on deaf ears. Ellie was glad she had the mind to bring her bow, even if she wasn't using her daggers. She poisoned the arrows, iced them, caught them on fire, lobbed grenades, did anything she could to get extra damage in on him.

Corypheus arced his hand out in front of him and from his fingertips, several thousand tiny crystals of red lyrium littered the battlefield, Bull just barely missing the barrage since he was standing underneath Corypheus, and Ellie tried frantically to run behind something or someone, but she ended up with crystals littering her hair and prickling at her skin. She felt the way it burned, the way the magic tingled as it penetrated her being, whispering to her, making her skin glow red. She started screaming, high pitched and frantic – it was like her skin was on fire, her eyes felt like they were bleeding. Corypheus laughed as he watched her desperately dig into her skin to remove the red lyrium.

"So-Solas!" She stuttered through her sobs, "I've seen what this does to people! I don't want to end up like that!"

Solas stared slack-jawed at the red from the lyrium and her blood mixing together. What did she expect _him _to do? If he could heal her, _if_ he could, he probably couldn't remove all of the lyrium. He ran to her side as she began coughing to the point where she was gagging on her own blood and saliva.

"I know not what to do," He said quietly, erecting a barrier around them.

"Kill me, please. I don't want to live like this."

"I…You know not what you ask." He was shaking, his eyes reddening at the corners.

"Please," She cried, "Please do something. It hurts."

He wrapped his hand around hers, and tried desperately to heal her, putting his other hand in her hair. "Why is it always _you_ getting hurt, emma mi'durgen?" He asked sadly, "I do not wish harm on others, of course."

She smiled, her eyes closing, "I am just…a trouble magnet," Her voice was breathy.

"You certainly are, aren't you?" He smoothed the hair from her face, watching as red lyrium rained out and bounced off of the concrete ground, "there is an awful lot here…"

"I'm sorry." It was like she was falling asleep.

"No. No, listen to me, emma mi'durgen. Listen to me," He slapped her face, "Please, please stay awake."

She lifted her anchored hand and it snapped, making a crackling noise before Corypheus screamed in pain. And again. He watched as she continually manipulated Fade energy around him to use as magic. Even in her position, she was trying to find a way to be useful.

"Stop. At this point, you will wear yourself out before the lyrium does any major damage," Solas scolded.

"I'm fine. I'm just tired."

He pressed his lips in a thin line and watched the battle. Vivienne was dominating the field with her ice spells, and Dorian was doing his best to keep Corypheus's men coming back and fighting for them instead. Bull had taken Ellie's bow and was working with it the best he could – good thing being a mercenary meant using more than just his great-axe. Cole was disappearing and reappearing, repeatedly trying to stab through Corypheus's crystalized body. Sera was up on a rock – Solas wondered how she had climbed that high to begin with – assaulting him with raining arrows and arrows that exploded.

"I'll be damned if they're going to get all of the credit," Ellie said, trying to stand up.

"Stay here."

"No. If I'm dying, I'm going to help them stop Corypheus. It's the reason I even – " She lurched forward, feeling a stabbing sensation through her midback. Blood and saliva flew from her mouth, dripping down her chin, and the pain was so extraordinary that she couldn't grasp her thoughts well enough to even scream.

And then, she was warm. It felt like it was summer around her – hot, humid. Her skin was sticky with sweat, and she smelled….the woods. Maybe she was dead. Maybe if she died, she would go to Solas's resting spot in the Fade_. Wouldn't that be nice?_

But instead, the damp earth smell quickly evaporated, leaving the scent of Solas and blood behind. He was desperately clutching her to his chest, and her back grew hot. Hotter and hotter until it started to feel cold again, and this time she let out a blood curdling howl, digging her fingernails into his arm.

"Be still, ma vhenan'ara. I am working," He smoothed her hair back and rested his chin on the top of her head.

His heart beat was the only comforting thing on the field, as she lie in his lap with her head resting under his chin, his legs crossed and the barrier flickering a light, opaque blue around them. There was screaming – both cries of defeat and victory – the sound of metal clashing off of stone and metal. She didn't open her eyes, the pain was too intense.

The lyrium stuck in her skin began falling out, clattering off of the ground and disappearing entirely. Her back was no longer in pain, and she could feel him, his fingers inside of the back wound, pushing the lyrium out and healing her. He pulled his hand out, wiping it on his pants. For a second or two, she didn't let go, didn't want him to leave, and he would have to. It made her sad. She understood, she couldn't be mad at him – it was only a matter of time, and she was selfish for even asking him to stay as long as he did.

"For someone who didn't want to see me last night, you were quick to help," She said as she stood up.

"I do not wish death on you. Be more careful," He said as he turned his attention towards Corypheus.

Ellie was much healthier now, and the manipulations she was doing with her mark were much stronger, blowing a hole straight through his shoulder, and then through his arm. He was howling in pain, but he didn't stop from throwing red lyrium around, didn't stop from casting magic on them. Dorian and Solas erected barriers – Solas covering one half of the field, and Dorian covering the other.

Ellie and Cole were stealthed, and they made their way behind Corypheus, almost getting hit more than once with flying fireballs and ice spikes. Cole helped boost Ellie on Corypheus's shoulders, and she pulled his head back, exposing his throat while Cole went in for a back-stab. She thought maybe she should've said something, maybe she should've…she didn't know.

His claws dug into her legs, and just as he was getting ready to throw her off of him, she sunk both daggers as far into his throat as she could, violently ripping them across the hardened flesh when she went flying. Corypheus fell, and Ellie slammed off of a large boulder, sliding down into a sitting position. Everyone held their breath – was she okay? Was Corypheus _actually_ dead?

Ellie opened her eyes to see Solas running towards Corypheus. He passed his body, and kept going. Ellie didn't miss a beat, getting up to follow him, despite the screaming pain in her hip, the blood dripping from her leg, the dizziness that infected her vision.

He picked up the orb, shattered and cracked, no longer an orb. The foci he so longed for, and it was gone…broken. He fell to his knees, clutching the half of it in his hands. Ellie stood silently, not knowing what to say.

"I'm sorry," She finally whispered, "I know you really needed the foci. It meant a lot to you."

"It is…not your fault," He set it down, standing back up, "I should be the one apologizing. No matter what happens…what anyone finds out about me, ar lath ma, vhenan. I will not forget you, nor the time we spent together. And…I promise I will find a way to make this world a better place for you two."

"I – "

"You have every right to be angry, if you are. I…shouldn't have led you on. What we had was real, despite who they think I am."

"Inquisitor!" Cullen shouted from the bottom of the steps, and she turned to see that the entire army had gathered around, cheering and raising their weapons in celebration at her. Solas fled while he had the chance.

_That's when she said, "I don't hate you, boy, I just wanna save you while there's still something left to save."_

_That's when I told her, "I love you, girl, but I'm not the answer for the questions that you still have."_

Back at Skyhold, Josephine fretted over the cakes while the guests mingled and talked. Leliana pulled the Inquisitor to the side, "I'm sorry, Ellie. I know you and Solas were close."

"It's okay."

"We…did some researching on him. Turns out, I was right in thinking that he wasn't being truthful from the beginning. After all, why would an elven apostate willingly join the Inquisition? He had to have had an ulterior motive, but what was it? He didn't give us many answers when he first arrived, but I got the name of his village. It's been destroyed for centuries. He either lied about that, too, or he is truly not what he says he is."

"Thank you, Leliana. You can go enjoy the party."

"Come with us," She said, grabbing her hand and leading her back into the hall.

Dorian handed her a mug of ale and took it back, "Sorry. Forgot about that. So uh, I'm guessing it's Solas's?"

"Yeah. Weird how that works, right?" She gave a sad, half-smile.

"And he still just…left?"

"He…uh, had some stuff to do. He wants me to…be with Cullen."

"Cullen? Why?"

"Cullen has a bit of a crush on me, and Solas thinks that he'll make a better father."

Dorian didn't say anything. Instead, he looked solemnly into his cup, "I think I'd like to stick around, if you don't mind. I have nothing going on for me back home in Tevinter, and I would quite enjoy this small elf's company."

"Small elf?"

"Yeah. The baby thing."

"Ah yes, _the baby thing_," She smiled at him.

"Well, go enjoy your party, Inquisitor."

Iron Bull pulled her aside and asked her how she was, but noticing how distant she seemed, he had his answer. She still tried to talk to him, tried to entertain the rest of the Chargers, but her heart wasn't in it. She would stop talking mid-sentence, or stop listening halfway through a story. Eventually, she stood up and walked towards Josephine, thanking her for setting everything up on such short notice.

"But the cakes aren't right, and the – "

"Josephine. Shh. It's fine!" Leliana interrupted her.

"I don't know. It could've been better."

"It could've been. Not for the reasons you're thinking."

Josephine opened her mouth to speak, but snapped it shut when she realized that Ellie meant Solas, and nothing she could do would make that any better. Ellie excused herself, talking to Morrigan and Kieran for a minute before Morrigan pulled her aside.

"How long did you know about Solas?" She asked.

Ellie shrugged, "Long enough." Morrigan noticed the droop of her ears when her face fell, "But I supported him, and what he did or would do. He left anyways."

"You…do know you bear his child, do you not?"

"I know."

"It has the blood of an ancient elven God. I am unsure of whether your body can withstand that sort of power."

"The Well does not tell you?"

Morrigan closed her eyes and nodded, "It does."

"And?"

"It says to be wary of the power and how you train your child to use it."

Ellie didn't know what that meant, or how she would even train the child to use a power she herself did not understand. She thanked Morrigan, thanked the partygoers, and excused herself to her quarters for the night. On the balcony, where Solas and Cole sat the day before, she found herself perched. Like a bird, she thought. If only she could be as carefree as a bird. Everyone said they'd stay in the Inquisition, and Leliana was leaving as the Divine soon. They needed each other's support to make it work, and there was no one Ellie trusted more as the Divine than Leliana. There was no one Leliana trusted more as the Inquisitor than Ellie. She supposed she felt lucky for being surrounded by such amazing people.

Even Solas.

There was a knock at the door, and she turned to see Cullen. "You left in a hurry," He said, "Didn't even let me know you were leaving your own party."

"I…I'm sorry."

"It's alright," He gave her a lopsided smile and leaned against the railing beside her, "What are you doing out here alone? It's awfully cold."

"Thinking."

"I'll give you some space," He set his cape around her shoulders, "If you need anything, you know where to find me."

"Cullen?" She said as he turned away, "I uhm…I'm pregnant."

"It's the talk of the hall. You should hear how much they miss you."

"Thank you," She buried her face in the feathered shoulder pads, "You've been so kind and I've done nothing to deserve it."

"You've done a lot of things. You deserve it more than anyone else I know."

She sighed.

"I'm being serious."

"But I only did those things because _I _had to. No one else would –"

He pulled her head into his chest, "And the fact that you did it, without complaint, is what makes you…you."

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Everything," She whispered as a sob threatened to break her voice.

"We're all still here," He said and immediately regretted it. Solas wasn't. That's why she was in this state.

"Go enjoy the party, Cullen."

"Without you?" He asked.

"In my state?"

"You're fine."

"I –"

"Come on!" He said as he grabbed her off of the railing and carried her back to the hall, "This is to celebrate you. For one night, take a break, let loose. Stop worrying. Even for just a few hours."

_When I wake up, I'm afraid,_

_Somebody else might take my place._

At the end of the night, she lie in bed, alone, cold, hurting – physically, emotionally, and mentally. But if there was one thing she _could_ do, it was see what he was doing. What he was dreaming about. She just wanted to know if he worried about her…if he still dreamt about her.

But she couldn't. No matter how much she tried, nothing happened. She sat in his spot of the Fade, eagerly awaiting his return, with no such luck. She tried to find him using the mark, and perhaps he just wasn't asleep. Perhaps he was still awake, still…doing something. But what? He spent more time in the Fade than not.

But it kept happening. All that week, despite the parties and the paperwork, she slept whenever she could, milking the pregnancy excuse as a reason to let her sleep. And most left her alone. But he was never there, and when she used the anchor to find him, she would get a black hole, void of anything. There wasn't even darkness. It was just…empty.

"Come on, Little Red," Varric said a week after the battle with Corypheus, "I have something I want you to see."

She was busy doing paperwork and cleaning her room, gathering all of Solas's things in the center. His books, his potions and poultices, his staves and blades, his clothes, his herbs…his backpack. He left his backpack behind. She hadn't opened it yet. In fact, she thought of just setting fire to the pile on the large throw rug, but…you can't burn memories.

Varric grabbed her hand and pulled her out of her chair, "You need to get out more."

"No, I don't, Varric."

"Come on, a little bit of walking won't hurt you. Actually might be good for you at this point…"

She sighed, walking with Varric to the edge of Skyhold's grounds. Varric didn't say what was there, if anything, so she followed him as they walked in circles. Eventually there was a howl of a wolf and the growl of a bear. They turned back towards Skyhold, still silently walking around and ankle-deep snow.

"Leliana sent word back to her people saying that she's seen Solas," He finally said before they reached hearing distance of Skyhold.

"But…"

"He's…different. There's something about him that she doesn't trust."

"Doesn't surprise me."

"As soon as Dorian and Iron Bull meet here, we're heading to where she saw him."


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

"_Ar lath ma, vhenan." "Vhenan'ara." "My goddess." "Emma mi'durgen." "Emma lath."_

She bolted up in the bedroll, looking for something, anything, to squeeze to her chest, but she found nothing. Not even her pillow, since it was part of the bedroll. She got up, silently wandering to the side of the lake and sitting down against a boulder. Spirits were whispering words to her, as Solas, as she slept. Yet, the real Solas was nowhere to be found. They were on their way to where he was sighted, but she still couldn't find him in her sleep.

And that's when she remembered – Fen'Harel locked the Gods away in the Black City. Corypheus was going to use the anchor to get there…so she should be able to go, could she not? Open a rift and jump in, directly to the Black City? That's where he would be, if he were in the Fade, no doubt trying to recreate his foci.

Though she fought it, sleep overcame her and Varric found her with mud in her hair and burrs on her clothes the next morning. He said they were close to the spot Leliana told him, and she immediately heard another wolf howl. Her ears perked up, moving back towards the sound.

"How far away are we?" She asked.

"Maybe five minutes. Why?"

Another howl. It was close – almost too close. It felt like there was an animal breathing down her neck. She shivered, whirling around. There was nothing there, but the breath was hot…it was him. She recognized the growl, the smell of his fur. He was _there_, but she couldn't see him.

"Solas?" She whispered, and Varric raised his eyebrow.

"No one's there, Little Red."

"Just stay right here. I'll be back."

She disappeared into the woods, behind a thick tree and whispered his name again.

"Ar tu na'din," His whisper sounded like it floated on the air, gently caressing her cheek as it passed by. _(I will kill you.) _It sounded more like a warning than a threat.

"Ar din haran," She said. _(I am not afraid.) _"You don't scare me, Fen'Harel. Come out, Solas."

There was a curling black smoke, and Solas emerged from the center of the woods. He shook his head, confused that she had the ability to draw him out so easily. It was said that _werewolves _could transform back from hearing their lover call their names. "I explicitly said not to follow me," his nose scrunched up the way it did when he was angry. She realized how wolfish his features truly were. His ears were flatter, more laid back than normal. His jawline, and the way he squinted and flared his nostrils…very wolf-like.

"Leliana's eyes and ears have seen you. Varric wanted me to come find you."

"You are not safe around me," He growled, "Please, leave."

"You didn't even say goodbye…"

His demeanor softened for a split second, and then he shook his head, "Please leave. I cannot have you here."

When she stepped towards him, he stepped backwards, inefficiently trying to close the gap between them. Her stomach lurched, and she grabbed the nearby tree for support.

"You would…just leave, then?" She asked with venom in her voice, "You would just leave both of us behind?"

"I would rather that than your death."

"Then tell me what you at least plan on doing."

"I…I need to find a way to let the Gods from the Black City. Their power is too concentrated, and if someone else seeks their power as Corypheus did, then they have easy access."

"But they say that Fen'Harel is the one who locked them away. So now you're trying to unlock them?"

"It was a mistake made by a foolish young elf who thought he knew everything."

"I want to help."

"No."

She ran up to him, grabbing his shirt in her hands and pounding her fists off of his chest, "What _am I_ to you? You don't plan on coming back? I can't help? I'm…I'm just going to get in the way, aren't I? I'm mortal, you're not. You…you can't save me," She realized, crying into his chest.

He looked down his nose at her, watching as she sobbed loud enough to attract the attention of Varric and the others. He didn't dare touch her, didn't dare be put under her spell again. There was nothing that would tear them apart again if he did that.

"This is goodbye, truly. I am sorry,"

"Banal'abelas," She whispered. _(You are not sorry.)_

"I am," He put his arms up in surrender, "I truly am. Please leave, before _it _gets the better of me."

Varric grabbed the Inquisitor's hand and pulled her away, watching as Solas didn't make eye contact with any of them. He stared at the ground, and his hands shook in fists at his sides. How could he explain to any of them what he had to do? Ellie was the only one who _understood,_ and even then, she didn't understand the way he wanted her to.

"Just tell me you're never coming back so I can try to move on," She begged.

"I…I won't."

"Ma'arlarth," She whispered, and once again, he was taken. By her hair, her smell, _her._ Those words were all he needed to be swept again. How could he leave her, after all they had been through? She was carrying his child. He felt so inept, so stupid.

He reached out in front of him, barely brushing his fingers through her hair, enough to catch her attention, "I _will_ come back for you. I swear it."

Her heart fluttered in her chest, and into her throat where the only thing she could do was nod at him. How would she dare be so stupid again, they both wondered? How could she dare let herself be taken, once again, when she spent what little time she could building a wall around herself.

"Chuckles," Varric warned, "You're crossing a _thin_ line here. Little Red does not need any more of this heartbreak you keep giving her."

"What I must do is important, Child of the Stone. More so than I could ever hope to explain. Thedas depends on this. Elliana knows of this duty. I hope that one day, you can understand, too."

"Sounds fancy. Good luck," Varric's voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"Fen'Harel enansal," he whispered, kissing her forehead, "Dareth shiral."

They walked away from the woods, and Ellie could smell the smoke and the fur as soon as they turned their backs. He was gone.

"That was…more fun than I anticipated," Varric said, meeting Dorian and Bull in the clearing.

"I'm guessing you found him?"

"Yeah, there was a whole lot of Elven speaking going on, and I'm not sure what they were talking about, but it seemed important. Then he said he couldn't come back, then he said he could, and swore on it, so I'm not really sure," Varric shrugged, "But at least she got her goodbye."

_Maybe you think that you can hide,_

_I can smell your scent for miles_

"Inquisitor!" Morrigan shouted, waving her over from the garden.

"What's up?"

"Do you have a moment?"

"Yeah, why?"

"You remember that Flemeth was Mythal?"

"Yeah, it was your mom, right?"

"Yes," She growled, "But that is what is surprising. The voice has changed. Seems she is no longer Mythal."

"Can you elaborate a bit here?"

"That voice is that of Solas's."

"You can't be serious."

"I am. Tis not something I would joke about, after all."

"Well…what does he want you to do? What is his will?" Ellie asked, half-jokingly.

"He…asked…This is all very strange," Morrigan placed her hand on Ellie's stomach, "He asked that I check on the baby and watch after you."

"Oh."

"She certainly seems healthy enough."

"She?"

"An assumption. I would recommend getting a lot of sleep. Kieran took a lot of my energy when he was still inside my womb."

Ellie nodded, "Can you tell me if he – Solas – says anything?"

"You'll be the first to know."

"Thank you, Morrigan."

_I'm something,_

_From nothing,_

_You are my fuse_

Still no Solas. She couldn't find him in the Fade, should couldn't find him. What the hell was the mark even good for? She even made sure that she slept in his room, his furs wrapped around her, in his shirt. There was nothing appearing, not in the rifts she opened, nor in the woods where he slept. Nothing.

With her hand out in front of her, she thought of everything she knew about the Black City. She remembered Solas pointing it out when they fell in the Nightmare, but she couldn't see anything. They were close, so maybe if she could at least get to where they were before, she could get to the Black City.

"_Stop. You know not what you are doing,"_ He growled, _"You will die."_

"Try and stop me."

His growl rumbled the entirety of the Fade, and shook the tree she was sitting in.

"_You are not a child, but you are certainly acting like one right now."_

"I'm just trying to find you."

"_The Black City is not my current location."_

She opened the rift anyways and jumped through, despite him yelling her name. He was watching her from somewhere, but she didn't know where. He definitely wasn't at his resting spot with her. Maybe he _was_ in the Black City and wanted to throw her off.

The area she was in was surrounded by the bright green of the Fade rifts and the black of the floating city she stood in front of. Was that it? Was she actually there? What was she supposed to do, just walk up and open the doors? _"Hello, I'm here to find the father of my unborn child, Fen'Harel. Maybe you've heard of him? He goes by Solas now. Ancient elf, pointy, laid back ears? Bald?"_

Maybe this wasn't the best idea she's had.

"_I told you to stop your advances, Inquisitor," _Solas snapped, _"I am not there to provide the protection you need from Gods who have spent centuries locked away."_

"Then where are you? Was your intention not to free them as you told me it was?"

"_I am attending matters elsewhere."_

"Well, prepare for an ass kicking when you're done with your _matters elsewhere_."

She could hear the smirk in his voice, _"I am shaking in my boots, Inquisitor."_

"It'd be different if you actually wore shoes," she sighed, watching the green of the clouds swirling above the black city. Solas's voice was gone – it was the last time she would hear it – and she felt alone.

"Well...when you plan on assaulting the Gods once again, let me know," she opened the rift and went back to his resting spot, "I hope you find somewhere else to spend your stupid uthenera, 'cause I quite like this spot."

_I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies_

_I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife_

Months had passed, and she couldn't even get Solas's attention in the Fade. Despite sitting outside of the Black City the whole time she slept or doing something stupid on purpose to get his attention. Nothing happened. She couldn't find him, and now she couldn't even hear his voice.

While trying to look for some comfort, she found that maybe Skyhold wasn't the best place for that. Everything reminded her of him and the time they spent together. She couldn't even bring herself to throw away his things – just put them in his room in hopes he'd come back eventually.

Opening the Fade rifts and jumping in only caused more panic – she didn't know where she was, or how to really control the mark beyond Anders telling her to "feel and think." She had assumed that maybe she was lucky the last few times it worked. Or maybe, she was just afraid of falling into the Nightmare again. Either way, she didn't _feel_ like she had a proper grip on the anchor – _if only someone taught me how. But_ it was too little, too late to worry about such things. After the first few failed attempts of finding Solas, she stopped manipulating the Fade – feeling broken, and beaten down. She couldn't even do _that_ right – the supposed power the Gods that was bestowed upon her – how was she to raise a God's child?

So, she bundled herself up and stole away from Skyhold around the same time every day, hoping that no one noticed – and they hadn't for almost a month – and she would find solace in the snowy woods surrounding the fortress. She would wrap herself in the strange cape Cullen gave her and buried her head as far as she could in the feathered pauldrons, both to keep warm and with the hope that no one would notice. There were only two people in Skyhold that had that same cape, and she was foolish to think it would even work.

Her favorite place in _these_ woods was as far into the center as she could go. A long, forgotten cabin in the center with a still functional fireplace and a bed. It had a small kitchen area, too, but all she cared for was the warmth. If dreams didn't bring her peace, if Skyhold couldn't bring her peace…maybe this cabin could. But how long could the Inquisitor continue to disappear all day and night before someone noticed?

Not long, apparently.

There was a knock at the door, and she stiffened – there was _no way_ they followed her deep into the woods without her noticing. There were no windows, save for one that faced the harsh side of a mountain. And bandits didn't knock before entering. Maybe she should've popped stealth; but it was getting too tiring to do the more pregnant she became.

"Ellie, please answer the door," Cullen's voice came out in a puff of smoke, "It's freezing out here and I don't want to walk in on you."

She sighed, getting up to open the door anyways. He burst through – just him, no armed forces or anyone else – and quickly shut the door behind him, "Maker's breath, but it _is freezing_ out there." He looked down at her, his ears and nose flushed red with the cold, but he still placed a smile on his scarred lips. "You have been coming here every day, have you?"

"I…Skyhold doesn't….I don't know."

"Are you not comfortable there anymore?"

"Sort of."

He thought for a moment, sitting down on a wooden kitchen chair in front of the fireplace. He took his armor off, letting it clank softly on the carpeted portion of the floor. He stood in just a plain long sleeved shirt and black pants. He looked so much different without all of that heavy armor on…so much more vulnerable. Maybe that was his purpose.

"Remember how I told you that I had fallen for a girl in the Circle?" Ellie nodded at him and sat down on the bed, "Well, she failed the Harrowing. She failed, and they assigned _me_ to…to…they wanted me…_Maker forgive me_."

"They wanted you to kill her?"

Cullen pushed past the lump in his throat, "How? How do you just…just expect me to _kill _someone who…who…who hasn't even done something wrong? She was – they made me…because they knew I loved her."

"I'm…I'm so sorry," Ellie said, trying to put her arms around him. He blanched back and shook his head.

"It wasn't your fault," He said, sadly, "I…I still have nightmares about it. It…It might have been so long ago, but it _still_ haunts me."

"And since you've stopped taking lyrium, it's worse?"

"Yes."

She stood awkwardly beside him for a minute or two, watching the embers in the fireplace crackle and burn, like they were fighting for dominance over which branch to burn, which flame would rise higher. Ellie sighed, supporting herself by putting a hand on the back of the chair Cullen was sitting on before he quickly wrapped his arms around her waist, burying his head into her swollen stomach. She looked around for a second or two, wondering what exactly would make him do that, but he sobbed, and he sobbed hard, and she knew it was because of their conversation.

"I…Oh, Maker, I am so sorry," He said once he finally caught his breath.

"You don't have to be sorry," she wrapped her arms around him the best she could, and her cold fingers in his hair made him shiver.

"I shouldn't burden you with my problems, Inquisitor."

"_Ellie,"_ She corrected, "And it's fine. That's what….friends are for, right?" _Was 'friends' the right word?_ She asked herself.

He lifted his head from her stomach, but left his hands on her hips. The corner of his lips gave way to a small smirk, "I suppose so. The reason I told you was because I don't want you to think you have to be alone in your pain."

Ellie looked to the ground, "I…know."

"Do you? Because coming here every day _in the cold_ to be alone certainly doesn't seem like you know that you _aren't_ alone."

She nervously drummed her fingers against his shoulders, "But…"

They stared at each other awkwardly, his hands on her hips, hers on his shoulders, and they didn't say anything for what seemed like hours.

"So," He coughed, "You uh…you come here a lot?"

She smiled, "Every day for a while now."

"If…if it isn't…Oh Maker," He sighed.

"Hm?"

He unintentionally tightened his fingers on her hips, looking for the words to say, "I…uhm…I like to spend time with you, and…and if we could…next time you come here, stop by and tell me, okay? So…so you won't…won't be alone."

Ellie smiled sadly at him, "Cullen…you don't have to do this."

"I do. I…" His shoulders slumped, "Maker's breath, but you are beautiful."

Her cheeks and ears lit up, "Oh. Oh, Cullen. Thank you."

He pulled her down on his lap, cradling her as gently as she could. Like she were glass and would break if he didn't hold her together. Maybe it was true. Maybe she should let him help her…or _someone._ She was getting tired of being so alone and so upset. If she let even just one person in, just one person to know what she was feeling, then perhaps it _could_ help. But it was such a raw and burning pain, it chafed her chest every time she took a breath, and she never wanted to let it go, in fear of how bad the next breath without _him_ would be. Neither of them intended it to be as such, and she was _scared_ to move on – what if she _did_ move on, and he just came back? She wouldn't be able to just leave Cullen in good consciousness once Solas came back…if he ever did.

Dorian put a barrier over the painting in her room so she didn't look at it anymore. She was getting sick of crying every time she walked up the stairs. Varric left for the Free Marches, and Leliana made occasional stops back to Skyhold. Her name was Divine Victoria, but she liked when they called her by her actual name. It didn't feel right to be called anything else.

Her and Cullen would continually go to the small cabin every day, if only for a few hours at a time when they returned from missions and whatnot, watching the fire crackling, going out together to get more wood (even if Cullen wouldn't let her cut the wood or carry anything back.) She would stand in the background and watch as he would gather up anything that he thought would burn. Eventually, they gathered up enough to the point where they didn't need to grab more every day.

When they didn't need to go out every day, they spent the time telling each other stories. Ellie told Cullen about her clan – the Lavellan clan. They left her behind because she shirked her duties to her clan, to Mythal, the Goddess whose vallaslin she once bore. She acted out after her parents died, attacked animals that were supposedly sacred to them just for the thrill of the hunt. Despite being young, she was a fantastic hunter with a bow. When their Keeper asked her to keep it together, she threatened the older woman, pointing the arrow at her forehead. She knew she deserved to be kicked out, but her parents were dead at the hands of bandits, and she just didn't know how else to act. After all, she was only ten at the time – but at least she _knew_ what she did was wrong.

Cullen told her about the Knight-Commander at Kirkwall, and how she reforged the red lyrium idol into a sword and it drove her crazy. Cullen was her second-in-command, Knight-Captain, and he knew her views were being driven askew by _something,_ but he never bothered to say anything out of fear. After Anders blew up the Chantry, Meredith decided to invoke the Right of Annulment, and soon there was a battle between her and the Grand Enchanter. Cullen followed orders, even though he knew they were wrong. Cullen was surprised and glad to hear that Hawke sided with the mages on that matter.

She told Cullen about how she travelled from clan to clan, helping other Dalish in need. When she was sent to the Conclave, the Keeper of the current clan she was at did it because she was the only roguish type available, and she was pretty decent at her stealthing abilities.

Cullen told her about his siblings and how much he missed them, and how his sister always managed to find him somehow. He said he didn't write to them nearly as much as he should, and promised to make an effort to do so.

They spent months going to the cabin every day, telling each other stories and lying on the bed. At first, Cullen simply kept the chair beside the bed, but one day, she awoke from a nightmare so intense she was sweating, crying in her sleep. He didn't dare ask her what from, and she _couldn't _remember, no matter how hard she tried anyways. In an attempt to comfort her, he sat beside her on the bed, pulling her into his chest, enveloping her with his large arms. When she asked him to lie down with her, he complied, holding her, even as they both slept, refusing to budge when nightmares overtook her, and shaking her awake before it got any worse.

Every day, the conversations were different and never ending. They would take a bunch of books from the library with them, and Cullen would read on Dalish history, and Ellie would read about the Circle and the Templars as they laid together in bed. Her skin was so soft, her belly getting bigger and bigger, and her hair always smelled like vanilla from the kitchen – he was convinced she put it in her shampoo _just_ to entice him. He was always so calm and careful, even if he was a bit hesitant to learn something he knew nothing about, but he did. He would take the books on the ancient lore of Dalish and their Gods and cultures, and soak up as much as he could learn. They were Ellie's people, after all.

Soon, she realized that she knew more about Cullen than she ever did of Solas, and he knew more about her than Solas did. The realization hurt more than she wanted to – she promised herself to wait for Solas, but…Cullen was slipping in, through the cracks that he left, and he was slowly but surely filling them up, making her whole again. Bringing her happiness she hadn't felt since before Solas broke it off the first time.

On the way to the cabin, she took the cold, wet snow in her hands and shaped it into a ball, lobbing it the back of Cullen's head. It was good thing she had excellent aim, because it smacked him right where she wanted it to, the wet tendrils of hair immediately curling.

"Hey!" He turned to see her practically doubled over in laughter, her hand resting on her swollen stomach, and he couldn't help but smile at her. It was the first time she had _actually_ laughed since they came to the cabin. He would manage to her a smirk or two out of her here and there, but there was almost nothing he could do would make her smile like she was now, with her cheeks flushed and her hair wet and hanging down with the weight of the snowball that Cullen pelted her in the face with.

"You hit a pregnant woman!"

"With a snowball!" He laughed, hitting her with another one, wetting her shirt.

She scooped up a large pile of snow and just dumped it on his head, "How curly _is_ your hair, anyways?" She asked.

"Maker, not _this_ again."

She watched as the rest of his hair curled up, thick and much like Ellie's, "Oh my _God_. And here I thought it just…looked like that!"

He laughed, "No. Varric likes to call me _Curly_ if you haven't noticed yet."

"I haven't."

"Well, that's why. Let's get you inside and warmed up," He said, shaking the snow from his hair. She went in and took her shirt off, lying it in front of the fireplace to dry. Cullen came up behind her, and took of his armor and his undershirt, handing it to Ellie who wrapped herself up in the blankets, shivering.

She put it on – it was much too large and hung from her lanky frame, even with her ever-growing stomach – and openly stared at the Commander's muscles and scars. Her icy fingers traced his down his sides, finding a scar that wrapped from his hip, around his back. It was harsh and deep, thick and jagged.

"How did you get this?" She whispered.

"I think it was from a fight during the Fifth Blight."

"It's really deep."

"Almost killed me," he smiled, and her other hand traced the scar on his lip, the both of them holding their breath from the extreme closeness of their faces, the nakedness of Cullen in front of her. His body tingled everywhere she touched him, feeling so vulnerable and comfortable with her. He tangled his fingers through her hair and leaned down to kiss her, but he noticed that she moved just a fraction of an inch away, maybe she didn't even mean to and she was just shifting her weight. But she moved away, nonetheless, so he backed off.

"I-I'm sorry," She stuttered, "I…I didn't mean to…Oh, Maker, I'm leading you on, aren't I?"

He smiled sadly, "No. No you aren't. It's okay. You're not ready, I understand. But I enjoy getting closer with you."

She pulled him down by the back of his neck and left a small kiss on his nose. When the red of cold was replaced by the red of his blushing cheeks, she couldn't help but smile at him, "Thank you, Cullen. For understanding. For everything. Thank you so much."


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

"Solas hasn't contacted you at all?" Ellie asked Morrigan, her hand resting on her stomach. Seven months along. She sighed.

"No," Morrigan frowned in defeat, "I am very sorry. I am surprised you are not at the cabin today."

Ellie smirked, "So you guys caught on."

"There's a wolf and a lion," Cole said as he appeared behind them, "and they will fight to protect you, fight for you. They love you; the wolf too concerned with the bigger picture, and the lion thinking of the immediate future."

"Cullen and Solas?" Morrigan asked. Cole nodded, and then disappeared again. "Has anything happened between you and Cullen?"

"You're nothing, if not blunt, Morrigan," Ellie smiled sadly, "no. He…spends the nights in my room because we have nightmares. It eases the pain a bit."

"He has nightmares?" Morrigan asked.

"In Fereldan's Circle...they tortured him. Now that he isn't taking lyrium, they're a lot worse."

"That is strange. I never expected that of Cullen. Tis not something you necessarily expect, though."

"He's a sweet man, he really is. I...I just don't want to hurt him like Solas did to me. He understands. That's why we aren't...together yet."

Morrigan smiled, "I'm glad you have each other."

Ellie nodded and wiped her sweaty palms on her knees, "Me, too. I…I think I love him. It's just hard."

"Tis a very tricky thing, love is. I know Cullen will understand if you explain it to him. He _is _well read after all – not just brute muscle."

"We talk about it. A lot. Well, mostly I talk about it and he listens."

"And what of the child?"

"I still can't contact Solas."

"And what will you do when it is born?"

"If I don't hear from Solas, I will raise it on my own. I should hope that he would return to help."

"Would Cullen not help?"

"I don't expect him to. It…isn't his, after all."

"It might not be, but I will certainly help to the best of my abilities," He said, leaning against a concrete pillar. Morrigan excused herself and Ellie stood up to wrap her arms around him. "I love you, you know that, right?" He asked as he rest his forehead against hers.

"I do."

"I'd do anything you asked. That's all you need to do – ask."

"I…I'd like Solas to partake in his child's life, but…I don't know where he is or if he is even still alive."

"That is fine. I would still like to help, though. I want to be there. I want to watch the baby grow up, and be there for it every step of the way. And…and you, too. If…if you allow me, that is."

"Are you sure? I don't want you to feel like you're just….replacing him."

"_Is_ that all I am to you?" His eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Oh, Maker, no. I just…I feel like you will hate me for making you raise his child when – "

"_Making me?_ I've offered several times. Why would I hate you?"

"Cullen…"

"I promise I won't hate you," He smiled down at her.

"If you wish to, then who am I to tell you no?" She smiled when his eyes lit up. Finally, after so many hints and passes that he made, after months and months of asking, she was willing to let him into her life, the baby's life. To let him help raise a child with her. He was elated. Solas left, and _this is what he gave up_, he thought, absolutely beaming at the thought of someone calling him _daddy_. Even if it wasn't his, he would treat it as such.

Cullen took the amulet in his hands, "So this conveys your feelings to him, but not vice versa?"

"Yes."

He yanked the chain from her neck, "You are free of him. If he loves you, he will come back. But in the meantime, do not worry yourself. It's bad for both of you."

_Ar lasa mala revas. You are free._

She smiled at him, giving him a peck on the nose, and he rest his hand against her stomach. Morrigan watched from a distance as they were locked in each other's arms, the two blushing at the contact. It made her miss her Warden.

_All because of you,_

_I believe in angels,_

_Not the kind with wings,_

_No, not the kind with halos_

Her first word, directed at Cullen, was "dada." Ellie named her Emma, and she looked exactly like her. The only hint of Solas in her were her eyes, that blue-gray color she so fell in love with. Everything else was like Ellie had immaculately conceived and Solas had nothing to do with it – her spring curled bright red hair, the shape of her eyes and her too-long ears.

The day she first spoke that word while Cullen held her in their bedroom, he cried. For hours. When he would finally stop, she would say it again, and his smile would reach his eyes just as they clouded over with tears again. He held the little girl in his arms, trying not to cry again each time she said it. Ellie laughed from the corner, a small giggle, though she was not free of her own tears. Big bad Commander Cullen, and he was brought to his knees by a little elven girl who could barely walk.

And when she was good at walking, Cullen would take her all over Skyhold, the women stopping them and asking her all sorts of questions. She would answer in mostly gibberish, with an elven word or an English word randomly thrown in. The women would answer her with "oh really?" or "wow, that's amazing!" Emma would nod dramatically at them.

"Remember those words, ladies. They came straight from my second-in-command. They might be important later," Cullen said before he left.

Emma eagerly ran up to Blackwall – "the toy man," as she called him in her best attempt – asking for more toys. This time he made her a small wooden horse that rocked back and forth. It was a little big and Cullen had to lift her onto it, and once he did, she refused to get off.

"Come on, Emma. Daddy's got work to do," He said, trying to pick her up, and her hands clenched around the handles, unforgiving baby strength – and the fear of hurting her – holding her in place.

"But Daddy!" She screamed a high pitched scream that only a little girl could. Blackwall laughed in the background at Cullen's flushed face.

"Emma Revas Rutherford," He huffed with a harshness to his voice. She looked up at him with wide eyes.

"Daddy mad," her eyes started filling with tears.

"Daddy _is gonna_ be mad if you don't let him pick you up."

"But my toy!"

"I will grab it, baby. Let's go. Daddy has work to do before Mommy gets home."

"Where mamae?"

Cullen picked her up with ease in one arm, and grabbed the toy with the other, thanking Blackwall on the way out. His smile touched his eyes as he watched the Commander and his baby walk towards the war table.

He set the toy and Emma down as he had his troops gather around, eagerly awaiting their orders. Cullen stopped halfway through his speech when Emma pounded her tiny fists on his armor, screaming gibberish at him until he picked her up, continuing with his speech.

"As I was saying," He shifted Emma over to his other hip, "There is red lyrium in these spots on the map," He pointed to Emprise Du Lion, "And this is our biggest offender –"

"_DADDY_!" Emma screamed in his ear, and the troops had to stop themselves from laughing at the expression on Cullen's face.

"Yes, dear?" He said with a strained tone.

"I wub you. Pu' me down."

His face immediately softened, and she pouted out her bottom lip like she wanted a "kissy" and he set her down, coughing off his nervousness in front of his troops.

"_Anyways,"_ he said as he put his daughter on the toy horse, "Emprise Du Lion needs to be checked out _immediately._ From what we understand of Dagna's interpretation of the red lyrium is that it's an infection that constantly grows. So how many times we're going to have to go down there is – "

"_Daddy,"_ Emma whined, "lif' me uuuupppp."

He did as she commanded, "How many times we're gonna have to go down there and stop this is beyond any of us," He turned to a struggling Emma, "You want down again, don't you?"

"Yeah!"

"Aaaaand you want on your horse, don't you?"

"Yeah!"

He sighed, dismissing his troops to Emprise Du Lion while he put Emma back on her horse and sat down in his chair. Ellie should be returning back soon with Dorian, Bull, and Cole from where ever they were at. Scouting in the Hinterlands. Checking up on people, making sure they were okay. Ever vigilante. That's why he loved her so. _ But Maker's Breath if children aren't difficult creatures,_ he smiled to himself as he looked over his paperwork to see Emma making horse noises. Or attempting to, at least.

Ellie burst through the door, her face was flushed and her breathing in pants, but she seemed to calm down once she saw Emma and Cullen.

"Are you…are you okay?" Cullen asked, standing up from his position at the table.

"I'm great," She smiled, "I'm –"

"_Mamae!" _Emma yelled excitedly from her position on the horse, reaching her hands up to signify that she wanted to be picked up.

"Baby girl!" She grabbed her daughter and rested her off her hip, "Momma missed you. Did Toy Man make you a horsey?"

"Yeah!"

Cullen watched from the other side of the table, his smile reaching his eyes before he walked over and embraced the two. "I love you," He whispered.

"I wub you!" Emma responded, and Ellie smiled, placing a small kiss on Cullen's nose. "I wan' kissy!" Emma exclaimed, and Ellie obliged, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

Cullen certainly wasn't the man she set out to find, but he was definitely the man she needed.

_Looking for a dime and found a quarter,_

_But you can't make me change my name._

When they first discovered that she could explore the Fade with ease, she was about four years old. They were lying in bed, Ellie's arms wrapped around Emma, and Cullen molded to Ellie's backside, his arms encompassing both of them. Ellie had long since given up trying to find Solas, especially since she was _very_ pregnant with Cullen's baby. But, Emma had tried to pull Cullen and Ellie through the Fade to her to show her a spirit she was making friends with. Instead of Cullen, she got Solas.

Ellie held her breath, "_No_. You are a spirit. My…Solas has been lost to me for over five years now," She scooped Emma up, "Stay away from us. Come here, Emma."

"I am not a spirit. It seems our daughter has called us here. …You should not pick her up in your state."

"Don't worry about _my state._" She was more shaken than she thought she would have ever been. For years, she had told herself he was dead, he was never coming back and that's why she couldn't contact him, but her mark thumped with his heartbeat, she could hear his blood. He was very much alive – certainly no spirit.

"Emma Revas Rutherford," Solas said, "Her name. _My freedom._ Rutherford is Cullen's last name, is it not?"

"Was look for my daddy. Mamae, who this?" The little girl tucked her head into Ellie's shoulder.

_Shit, what do I tell her?_ Ellie asked herself. "It is just a spirit, Emma. Daddy doesn't have magic abilities, so he's hard to reach in the Fade."

"You…you have kept me _a secret_ from her?"

"What was I supposed to do? I couldn't find you. I thought you were_ dead_, Solas."

"So you just told our daughter that her father is a human? You didn't bother to tell her _how_ she got these powers to manipulate the Fade?"

"Do you wanna know her first word? Dada. Do you know who she pointed to as she said that? Cullen. He was there for me when _you_ were not, Solas."

"I am sorry. I am so sorry, I truly am," He was having a hard time keeping his voice steady.

"Then why wasn't I able to find you?"

"I…blocked you out. So that you could not pursue me. I did not want you to get hurt, especially while pregnant with the baby."

"But…how was I supposed to tell Emma about you? How was I supposed to tell her that you were her dad, _not_ the man who had taken care of her for four years? How? How was I supposed to tell her she couldn't see you?"

"I am selfish."

"Mamae…"

"Hamin, da'len," she whispered. (_Relax, child.)_

"Ar haran," She cried, "Mamae, na Fen'Harel." _(I'm scared. Momma, he is the Dread Wolf.)_

"…She can tell," Solas's eyes lit up, "I could tell she had immense power, but I did not imagine that she was –"

"You frighten her. This isn't some sort of magical game to her. _You are scaring her_."

He looked to the ground and Ellie put Emma down, the small girl running behind her mom's leg and peeking around her hip. Solas got down on his knees and outstretched his arms, "Na eth. Ar shalan na." _(You are safe. I will protect you.)_

"But…" She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

"Banal'numin," He whispered_. (Don't cry.)_

"I already have a daddy!" She shouted, "He's really tall and had blonde hair! He calls me his little arrow! Da'assan!" She was angry and red-faced, her ears matching her cheeks, "And I love him!"

Solas's shoulders slumped, and he smiled though it did not touch his eyes, "Abelas, da'len. I should've been there for you. I…couldn't though. I couldn't. I am so very sorry."

"Banal'abelas!" Emma shouted, "You aren't my daddy!"

"Emma da'assan, na abelan," Ellie scolded. _(My little arrow, you will apologize.)_

Her little fists shook as she cried, her cheeks as red as her hair, "Abelas, mister," she said through her teeth.

Ellie and Solas locked eyes, and he stood up, walking towards her. She took a protective stance in front of Emma and she clutched onto her thigh, her little nails digging into the exposed flesh under the large t-shirt she was wearing.

"I am sorry to have frightened you, child," Solas said, his voice thick and heavy, "I…I did not mean to."

"You're my daddy?" Her little eyebrows raised and knitted together like Ellie's did when she was upset or confused. Solas's heart ached at the fact that he _left._ Willingly left, blocked her out of everything and went to extreme lengths so she couldn't find him. He _told_ her to go to Cullen. He did this to himself, once again. He missed out on his own baby's birth, her first steps…his child called another man _'daddy.'_ He shook, grinding his teeth as he tried to hold back tears and desperately tried to look her in the eye.

"I am," He sat cross legged on the ground, rubbing his hands back and forth over his head, "I am, little one."

"But…what about daddy?"

"He's your daddy, too," Ellie interjected, "It'll be easier to explain to you when you're older, honey."

"So I have two daddies?"

"Sort of," Solas watched the curve of her soft lips as she smirked down at Emma. _I love you. I love you. I should not have kept away so long._

"But how come I only have one mamae?"

Solas outstretched his arms again, "Will you let me hold you?"

"You won't hurt me?"

"I promise."

"Mamae?" She tugged at her shirt, "He promises."

"Go ahead, baby."

The little girl walked over tentatively with her red ringlets bouncing with each step and hesitated in front of Solas, with his arms still outstretched. Emma put her hands on Solas's arms and he pulled her down on his lap, burying his head in the crook of her neck.

"Abelas, da'len. Ir abelas."

"You were busy?"

"I was busy," He nodded.

"Like sometimes when daddy has to tell the soldiers what to do? Sometimes, he doesn't come to bed until really late."

"Sort of like that."

Ellie could tell Solas was ready to snap. It looked like he was ready to stand up and punch her in the face, yell at her…do something other than sit there calmly. He looked at her pregnant stomach – holding another man's child. The t-shirt that was much too big on her small form – probably Cullen's. The bags under her eyes, even in the Fade. She had not waited for him, had not held her end of the bargain, and yet _she_ was the angry one. Solas was upset. Depressed. For the first time in his life, he opened up; let himself love another, touch another in a way he had only done when he was much younger. And then she was gone in the flash of a light, like a whisper along the wind – taking_ his_ child with her. And what could he even say to her? Nothing, at least in front of Emma, that was appropriate. He certainly couldn't say much seeing as how he told her to move on. But…it was certainly surprising to see that she had actually listened _for once._

"So it isn't your fault?" Emma asked.

He looked to Ellie, and then to the ground. Emma picked up his wolf jaw necklace and twirled it around in her tiny hands. Solas nodded, "It is complicated. I will tell you when you're older."

"Is it because of the Dread Wolf?"

"Yes."

"He doesn't control you."

Ellie raised her eyebrows, looking from Solas to Emma, "What do you mean?"

"Solas controls him. But he's afraid."

"Well, I'm glad she got some of your smarts," Ellie said.

"Can I have your necklace? It's big. I like it."

"Emma," Ellie warned.

"No, it is quite alright," He said, taking it from his neck and putting it over hers, "Fen'Harel enansal," He smiled, "Now go. Your mom is worried."

"Wait," Ellie said, "She is your daughter. I will not keep you from her. If you'd like, I'd appreciate you teaching her…her powers. She is obviously a mage. She has a piece of you. You always say that the Dalish don't know about their own culture. I'd…I'd rather you teach her than whatever rag-tag history I could make up. You know I don't have any sort of magic in my veins other than the mark. And the only other person to teach her is Morrigan, and –"

"Absolutely not. Morrigan gives no claim to true idols and all the claim to false idols. She will not teach Emma something she knows nothing about."

Ellie smiled, "I figured you'd say that."

"What does Cullen think about all of this?"

"We've had this talk, several times. I told him I don't want him to feel like a replacement. He said he doesn't."

"After how long he pined for you, I'm sure he was just happy that you noticed him as something more than the Commander."

"We are here to talk about Emma, not Cullen and I's relationship, Solas."

"My apologies. So, you would not be upset if I visited her in the Fade?"

"As long as it's okay with her."

They looked to Emma who was twisting her fingers around nervously, "You…are gonna teach me?"

"Yes, da'len."

"About what?"

"Magic and spirits, the Fade, the Nightmare, how to control your dreams, demons, how to speak Elven, the history of the Elvhen, the Dalish, everything! There is so much to show you, little one!"

The joy in his eyes hurt Ellie's heart – she should've waited, but she was impatient, she thought he had left her forever; that he would never return, like he said several times. But no. She chose the lion over the wolf; she chose the warmth of his mane, and the ferocity of his protection. The wolf's scent would never leave her, however. She was forever under his spell, yet unreachable even when close. There was forever and always an awkward understanding between the two that they loved each other – but they had to be civilized – for Emma, at the very least.

Outside of the Fade, Ellie and Cullen happily raised Emma, answering as many questions about Solas as they could – agreeing that they shouldn't hide them from each other – he was, after all, her dad, and he was willing to be a part of her life.

Cullen and Emma were in the war room one day while Ellie was asleep in the bedroom. He held her in his arms, asking what she thought of the Exalted Plains and what they should do about the two armies that started warring there again.

"BOOM!" She responded, twisting in his arms to drop her toy on the war table.

"Ah, yes. Good idea. BOOM it is!" He exclaimed, dropping the army pieces on the map around the exalted plains.

"Good thing you're second-in-command knows what you want to hear," Josephine smiled over her clipboard.

"Of course she does," Cullen nodded, "Great minds think alike."

"What's second-in-command?" Emma asked, desperately reaching for her toy. Cullen was too tall and the table was too low until he lowered her down just enough to brush her fingers off of the toy. When she would try to grasp it, he would quickly pull her back up.

"Second-in-command to the Army, of course."

"So they'll listen to me?"

"Yes," He said, pulling her back up from the toy before she could grab it.

"Daddy, my toy!" She giggled.

"Cullen, don't tell her that," Josephine said.

"Why not?"

"Well…she is not actually second-in-command."

"Shhh, it won't hurt anything, Josephine. Just let her have her fun."

She smiled, "Alright, Daddy Cullen."

There was a loud pounding on the door before Cassandra burst in. "Cullen! You are needed up in Ellie's bedroom! I think she's having the baby!"

Emma was so excited for the birth of her baby brother that she accidentally froze the door shut. They had to call a mage over to unfreeze the bedroom door while the three of them and the midwife were stuck inside with a screaming newborn. Cullen held the baby in his arms with the same look in his eyes as he had when he looked at Emma.

"Oh, thank the Maker he didn't get my hair color," Ellie sighed.

"But he does have curly hair."

"We both do…Curly," She mimicked Varric the best she could.

They smiled at each other with tears in their eyes.

Solas would not return physically. He visited them in their dreams, desperately clinging to the memories that once were; the memories of them, of how Emma was created…and the hope that maybe one day, one day, she would come back to him, and they could live together.

But he knew that it probably wouldn't happen while Cullen was still alive or while they had children together. He had his chance and he knew he blew it. He begged her to be with Cullen, with someone else who could give her and Emma the love and protection and home that they both so deserved. Even if they didn't know it, he was there. In the shadows of the edges of the earth, forever stalking and waiting for prey that would mean harm to his loved ones. Forever in the shadows of the Fade, chasing off nightmares and making sure Emma got the teachings she deserved. He would watch from the corner of his eyes as she sat not too far away, always watching, always waiting for something. Sometimes, he would be too enthralled in her to focus. Sometimes, he would try to hint and fail miserably at any type of flirting he could do.

_Only in your dreams,_ was her only response.

* * *

><p><em>Bonus! Here's the list of songs I used for inspiration and the lyrics that are throughout the fic:<em>

Demons - Imagine Dragons

The Good Left Undone - Rise Against

Hallelujah - Rufus Wainwright

Savior - Rise Against

Afraid - The Neighbourhood

Animals - Maroon 5

Something From Nothing - Foo Fighters

Take Me To Church - Hozier

Whereabouts Unknown - Rise Against

I Will Wait - Mumford and Sons

I am Machine - Three Days Grace

Hair Trigger - Protest the Hero

_Thanks for reading! :)_


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